[LostGurl]

I'm not sure why I'm getting angry all of a sudden and I act on it!
I'm so afraid that something bad happens to me.

Today, I went to dry cleaner and she did a horrible job on my white new pants! but so what?
I got so angry at her. She took my pants from my hand. I gave her money, but still she's not giving my pants back. I got so angry that I pulled the pants from her and she resisted, then I pushed her hand away and I took my pants.
I didn't understand what the heck was her problem when I paid her already. All she has to do was giving my pants back!
But when I was driving back, I felt so bad. I thought she can even charge me with assault! Well, I don't think she would have done such a thing, but then that made me to think that if she charges me, I will be guilty; then I thought if I feel guilty, it means that I did a bad thing.
All of a sudden, I realized that how bad I treated the woman and I didn't like it. So, I drove back to them to say sorry.
When I went back, she was surprised to see me and more surprised when I told her "I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have gotten angry at you at all. Would you forgive me?" She nodded her head. Then I said, I would like to hug you. She came and gave me a hug and I said "I'm not a bad person. I'm so sorry!". She hold my hand tight with a sweet smile on her face and told me to come back again!
I felt so good and happy tears felt from my face.
I just wish I could have controlled myself before and not get angry. I don't know why I can't control myself!
How should I control myself from this stupid sudden anger which brings so much disappointment to my life? Please if you have any specific techniques, let me know.
M

Anger is one of those emotions that is very hard to control. I know from experience that anger can have damaging consequences. In my youngers years I've gotten 'blackout' angry, never gotten violent, but I've been angry enough that I thought I'd give myself a coronary.

If I feel anger coming on , it is best that I force myself to leave immediately. Take some time and really think about the situation, do something proactive instead of reactive. ie. take a walk, write your feelings down, do something creative, deep breathe. Remind yourself after you walk away that you don't have to react right now, you can look at it later.

There are also some great anger management support groups out there. If you're not willing to do that, maybe get a self-help book. There are many to choose from that help to give you alternatives and coping strategies.
One book that comes highly recommended is 'The Anger Habit'
Best wishes.

[Scotty204]

I agree with the above poster, remove yourself and take a moment to think about the situation. Have you thought about anger classes? That may help too

[whatbeanbelieved]

LostGurl, this sounds really similar to the thing that eventually led me to therapy - because I started having panic attacks, meltdowns, rages, and bursts of emotion I couldn't control and these were really damaging to my relationship and job and, well, self.

To me it sounds like you're a deeply compassionate person; there was no reason for you to have gone all the way back to make amends and yet you did, and that's a lovely thing. So know that you feel deeply, somewhere you empathically pick up on what people may feel and you care. So the anger may seem all the more antithetical.

My understanding of anger like this, the kind that bursts out and hurts and is shortlived, is that it's coming from somewhere deep inside. I think anger happens particularly when there are parts of us that are unacknowledged and parts of us that feel unloved. Which is ironic, because anger isn't a lovable emotion. One tends to reject oneself all the more for anger. Which leads to more anger.

So... two things:
1. It's important to look at the source of the anger, the real source. This is something that needs a lot of work, and introspection, and sometimes, yes, therapy. But everyone finds their own path to it. Have you considered Vipassana? It didn't work for me, but it seems to really work for a lot of people. Link: http://www.dhamma.org/
2. It's important to learn to deal with small bursts of anger. To find tools to work through moments when we are less than compassionate. For me what's really worked is something called Compassionate Communication - I go to two weekly meetings at this point, but it's also something that can be done alone. The idea is that if you;'re angry, or sad, or low, then it is because you have a need that isn't being met. You are responsible for your own needs, so, a) get in touch with the needs and b) find a compassionate way to express them. Link: http://www.cnvc.org/about/what-is-nvc.html

Hope this helps. Best of luck. Also anger does get better. It's very human, it's very natural. It is like... stress, your body is telling you to slow down and pay attention.

Hugs and love!

[LostGurl]

thanks whatbeanbelieved and others who replied to my post.....

If I think rational that I be able to remove myself from the situation and calm down, then I have control on my anger! Well....that doesn't work at all....because when usually I get angry, it's just all of a sudden and I don't think rational at all, otherwise, I know exactly what to do!

whatbeanbelieved
I totally agree with you that something else is triggering this anger....and I kinda know what it is....I just feel so lonely and small things are bothering me....I found myself not have enough patient for things that go wrong....
I go to therapist in regular basis but even my therapist is making me angry...She doesn't let me to express myself and tell her about things that are bothering me.....She shut me down right away and keep saying tell me about yourself...and I don't like it, because I go to her to talk about situation and people that I deal with....I don't want to tell these things to my friends....I might change the therapist though!

About those anger management classes, I don't think I'm that angry to take those classes. I think those are mostly for people who have gotten a court order and I'm not sure if I want to sit in the same circle as them!

Meditations help me a lot. I think I have to meditate more and calm myself down.....

But the good news is that since that incident with the dry cleaner, I didn't have anymore anger episodes.....hope I won't....

thanks again
M

[Ft1980]

this is interesting to me, but I find that if you use your verbal to express anger it can be more effective. just don't blurt anything, think of what you would say to bring the demon into the light and out of the shadows. when I express myself verbally I let go of my reality to feel my anger through my voice. it has eased my suffering greatly. I'm not provoking anyone. this I should mention is a personal remedy I have made for myself because i could never express myself it this way until I got it right. I should also mention that if you practice this it is best to try on yourself before you approach someone in a bikie bar tell him his bike sounds like a girls tricycle.

Hi LostGurl - im going to refrain from answering your question as i was told recently by another member here that i don't provide satisfying enough cognitive answers but what i will say is kudos to you for going back and apologising - im sorry you're experiencing issues with anger but i support you in being the bigger person, that took real guts