[tracylee]

I have been with my 'man' for around six months now. He is so very precious and takes really good care of me when I am on a downer, anyway, he made a comment the other day about how he wishes he could show me more love and affection. (I have no complaints at all so far). I asked to him what he meant by that comment and he said its because of the way he was brought up. In short.

His mother, for reasons best known to her self, basically neglected him and his brother, the girls were ok, she idolised them.

She would hide food from them, not give them warm enough clothes etc., basically a very neglectful awful woman who made awful comments and statements to both my man and his brother.

My question is this, how come she treated her daughters differently?? It seems that she absolutely 'hates' the boys, how come? Strange and sad, but M is a wonderful wonderful man, very sensitive and just so special. Any survival tips and advice would be appreciated, do i try to get him to talk about it or just let him tell me in his own time, he often sits and broods and i know exactly why but i dont want to question or comment. I just hold him tight and tell him I love him, which I do.

Thanks good peoples and huggles

[Rhapsody]

Maybe she is reacting to her own past wounds.... created by a MAN?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[tracylee]

That's exactly what I think Rhaps, but i dont want to appear defensive on her behalf to M. I thought that if i tried to make him see from the other side of the fence so to speak. Hard one, s'pose i can only be here for him and not pass comment or make judgement. Ty Rhaps

[Rhapsody]

True just be there for him and support him.... but NEVER saw a word against his mother in this area or you will be the wrong one.... for this is his MOTHER, the woman of all women to him.

Good Luck....

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[DavidStrong]

There is no excuse for that behavior. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. And let me remind you that you have no idea. None. To turn this into a man-bashing thread is rediculous. Outrageous. How dare you.

[bebop]

I didn't see any man bashing! She was however showing concern for her guys mothers bad treatment so if you think that is man bashing well.....what can I say.

[Rhapsody]

WHOA David....... back off please, No MAN Bashing here - I love my MAN (23 yrs and going strong) - I was giving advice and nothing else.... He can love his mother all he wants.... I am for IT!!

> > > > > > > > PeAcE.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[(JD)]

Could be.

ff_topic: What is said in threads only applies to "you" if you allow it to... I didn't see any bashing... truth is not bias. I hope new members will soon see how different this site is from the others, and realize they don't need all the defenses here.

[bebop]

Amen!

[Maven]

I agree, I didn't consider any of what was said "man-bashing." However, I do agree with David that what happened to his mother was no excuse to neglect and mistreat her sons. It's sad that nothing was ever done about it.

I also agree with those of you who say tracy shouldn't criticize his mother to him, because it might backfire. Children of abusers often love their parents, even when they know what their parents are doing is wrong, and want to defend them. I don't think it would be bad, though, to say something like, "I'm sorry your mother wasn't more loving towards you. You deserved to be loved, too."

[Sabrina]

I see Tracy wanting to support and love her man, and be there for him in anyway that she can. Hence the reason she sought advice here.

I admire you Tracylee, and I wish you the very best.

David, as this is only your second post, I feel you could take a bit of time to get to know us and our intent before striking out so harshly.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Maven said:
However, I do agree with David that what happened to his mother was no excuse to neglect and mistreat her sons. It's sad that nothing was ever done about it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

My statement given about the MOTHER was not in any way an excuse for her behavior, but rather a REASON.... as to better understand where she is coming from (right or wrong) - it is her side of the fence (her story) and hence it gives us a higher road to travel, as to HELP!!

WE all do thing for a reason..... the WHY and understanding that area of the human race is a positive, not a negative.... just like in counseling.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Hi Tracy and All,

Only have a minute before I have to run out the door to work........ this thread really hit home with me...... felt very compelled to write.

Tracy-- I feel for your partner .... a parent favoring one child over any other is so so wrong. I went through that also and to this day feel unworthy of anyone's positive/loving attention. I think trying to understand the perpetrator (in your man's case and mine-- being the mother)-- can be an avenue towards healing.

I have carried this with me for years--- that --- my mother neglected me.... I felt as important as the rug outside the door --- I have struggled with the thought that if one's own mother doesn't love you then--- one must be unlovable.

To look at her shortcomings and try to see the reason she did this to me-- (in my case -- I was too quiet and reserved....... she only liked her loud/rebellious-- hurt them before they hurt me-- type children)-- in therapy, I've been learning where my mother was coming from-- her insecurities--- it has helped me to see that it was her past and her short comings that I was treated in such a way------ in understanding that it was HER and not ME--- that is helping me to heal. (ever so slowly though )

So, I believe it might help for your partner to hear that he is lovable and that his mother was the one with the problem--- NOT him. (the problem most likely being, that she had a past hurt that never healed) Of course being careful not to offend him when talking about his mother.

I hope he understands what a great person he must be to not have taken it out on women as a whole---- I believe many that were abused do that--- "one bad apple means all the apples are rotten_--- your partner didn't do that--- I commend him for that-- sounds like you do have a "sweet man" for sure!

Take care and all the best to you and your man

[tracylee]

There is absolutely no way I would criticise his mother at all, I respect him too much to do that, to those who read it and said I was man bashing, read it carefully, I merely said that I was trying to make him understand a little of why she is the way she is, gently and with kindness to try and help him realise that she is the one with the problem not him. I respect my man greatly as he has turned out to be an absolute diamond, a men amongst men. Maybe I shouldnt bother posting my concerns about my mans wellbeing.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
tracylee said:
Maybe I shouldnt bother posting my concerns about my mans wellbeing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No No please do post your concerns.... that was just one reply out of many that read, and all in all most of us that reply / help on here are females and understand what you were saying.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[bebop]

I agree with that. no mother should ever mistreat a child!!

[Fuzzybear]

[tracylee]

Thanks you guys for being special too!! Biggest huggles to ya for being so awesome. Stay sweet all of ya.