Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 09:36 AM
NinaNina's Avatar
NinaNina NinaNina is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2012
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 153
I really need help letting go of my boyfriend's past. I have no idea why its become such an issue for me, but it has. My boyfriend and I have been together for around a year, and before me he had three long term relationships, and was with many women in between.

My biggest issues are with his last girlfriend and his numerous random hook ups. His last ex bothers me a lot. I think this is partially because it was his longest relationship and the most recent....plus he still talks to her now and then (less now, but a lot before and when we started seeing eachother), had a picture of her in his wallet up until a couple months ago, and shes a huge ******. I don't even know her and she messaged me once accusing me of "creeping" her on facebook because I had added her boyfriend (who I've known since kindergarten!) to facebook. She made this big deal about it to me, then text my boyfriend saying that I was "creeping" her and all this stuff, and that her boyfriend and I had something in common: we both have buckteeth (I do not, although I obsessed over my slightly big front teeth for weeks after lol). From what I've heard, this girl when they were together was overly jelous and over-bearing (she created his facebook account and would talk to people pretending to be him). She also cheated on him, and they broke up but got back together after. I get bothered by her a lot. Probably doesn't help that he called me by her name last week. First time hes ever done that in a year, and it was after seeing her father that day, but of course still bothered me.

His random past hook ups bother me a lot too. I think because there were many, some of which I know, some of which he likely still talks to sometimes. One girl he used to hook up with for a couple months last spring is a girl that I'm friends with now....but it still really bothers me knowing they've slept together. She lives around the corner from us with her boyfriend and newborn, and its not that I see her as a threat (like I said we're actually very good friends now) but it still bothers me a lot.

Anyone have any advice for letting this kind of stuff go and not letting it bother me?

I know its no good to worry about the past, and hes with me now not any of these past woman, but I can't seem to help but let it bother me, sometimes more than other times.
__________________
Positive affirmation: I have a lot to be proud of and a lot of good things in my life

advertisement
  #2  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 09:59 AM
Anonymous32511
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Theres nothing we can do to change to the past - i think you need to focus on improving the trust in your relationship, if he's not acting in a way which makes you question his integrity you have to accept what is and make enough happy memories with him so that you don't constantly compare what you have to what he had in the past. Don't let this issue undermine a good thing, rise above the behaviour of his ex's - you have nothing to do with them and neither do they have any right to get involved in your business. The more you avert your attentions to what matters the better i think. Hope ive been of some help. All the best.
Thanks for this!
NinaNina
  #3  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 10:59 AM
Leed's Avatar
Leed Leed is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
Would you be as worried and upset if you didn't know any of his past relationships? What if all his girlfriends were girls you didn't know at all? You wouldn't think anything of it, would you! Of course not. But just because you KNOW these girls, you're worried and upset. Why? It shoulsn't be any different than the girls you don't know. Perhaps if you think of it that way, it won't bother you so much.

Like bb2023 said, there's nothing you can do to change the past. You just have to deal with it and try to put it behind you. If he treats you ok, and there's no emotional/mental/physical abuse, then you should be okay. You don't want this jealousy to affect your relationship. If this continues and it keeps bothering you too much, I suggest you see a therapist and find out what is at the core of this jealousy. Something else could be bothering you.

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee
__________________
The truth shall set you free but first it will make you miserable..........................................Garfield
Thanks for this!
NinaNina
  #4  
Old Oct 16, 2012, 08:32 AM
Scotty204's Avatar
Scotty204 Scotty204 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 403
If you want to have a healthy relationship you will have to just put his past aside otherwise it will sabotage it. I say as long as he's honest and faithful to you and there is no reason not to trust him then just let it go.
__________________
Life is short so enjoy it!
Thanks for this!
NinaNina
  #5  
Old Oct 16, 2012, 12:24 PM
jackiemoon84 jackiemoon84 is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Posts: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scotty204 View Post
If you want to have a healthy relationship you will have to just put his past aside otherwise it will sabotage it. I say as long as he's honest and faithful to you and there is no reason not to trust him then just let it go.
I have been having the same problems with my girlfriend.

My advice to you would be to stop thinking about it, when you are thinking ****** thoughts try to focus on the good aspects of your relationship. How he makes you feel, fun things you guys have planned etc etc etc.

Another piece of advice. No matter how curious you are DONT ask ANY questions about it. You will most likely get an answer you dont want to hear if you guys are honest with each other.

Dont be pointing out people who you both have slept with, or fooled around with, and dont go tit for tat with him.

Also one last piece of advice, if you ever have access to his facebook, email, phone etc etc. DONT LOOK THROUGH IT. Even if he asks you to do it.

DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT
Thanks for this!
NinaNina
Reply
Views: 11032

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:42 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.