[sujunew]

I just got a phone call from my ex saying that he went and saw his lawyer today and he is going for half of everything we own. He moved out and I have everything as he was given a house full of stuff for his new place so I think he is just doing this vindictively, but I am so scared about what he can take, and what the '50%' of everything will be. Am I going to be left with anything? If he does get to take heaps of stuff there is no way at all that I can replace any of it. I'm struggling so badly at the mo financially that even finding $5 can be a mission some weeks. Can anyone give me some ideas on what he might be able to take??? I am living in a 3 brm house, and have a bed in each room, a computer, a t.v., a dishwasher, drier, washing machine, microwave, fridge/freezer that I am paying off, and a chest freezer. I'm guessing that he could take a whole lot of that stuff. I just don't know. At least I coincedently have an appt with my own lawyer in the morning. But I am SO freaking out right now...

Basically what is going to happen next is the two of you will be sitting down most likely with a mediator or your lawyers. Each side makes up an itemized list of what is in the house and its monetary value and when you are sitting down deciding who gets what both sides chooses items of equal value. If the two of you can't agree then a judge sets down who gets what besed on the items monetary value. Monetary value is not necessarily what you paid when you bought the item. in some places monetary value is what you would recieve if the judge ordered everything liquidated (sold) as is and as appraised if it was sold by you today.

For example - you get the washer he gets the dryer or vice versa or both items are sold and both get half the money from the sale. Or if he wants something that equils the monetary value of the combined washer and dryer he would get the expensive item and you get the washer and dryer. or vice versa.

Basically both sides get equal amount monetary wise either by way of agreement or by the judge liquidating assets and then splitting the money equally between the two of you.

[walkswithspiritbear]

Hi Irishj! sorry that you are going thru a rough spot right now, as I am sure it has been for awhile already. You don't say if you have children or not? That could play a role in this as things will need to be taken into consideration for them. AS in the extra beds, tv, computer, washer dryer etc...most judges wouldn't think of letting him take that from you but that is most not all.. as myself said above you will be needing to do itemized lists etc.... if there is a savings or checking acct, watch your credit cards, if his name is also on them or he could try to run them up quickly and you could get stuck with bills.... be very specific on what you and he get and right down to the bills.... though I found out that even in court it didn't matter that my divorce paper said my ex would pay a bill, they still came after me, so besides ruining my credit it also is on his and it hurts him more than me....guess my getting back at him in a nasty way after so many years.. He is still suffering that credit nasty after 20 years and its a big one.... Like I said though alot of what has happened and if you have children will play a part.... did you work while married or did he want you at home,,,, then he may have to pay spousal support for awhile until you get on your feet. Like I said make sure you and lawyers work on everything...I do wish you the best and let me know how things work out for you I have a pretty good shoulder if you find a need. Linda possibly a new friend from PC.. Take care!!

[sujunew]

Thanks heaps myself and Linda. That makes it all much easier to understand. Yes, I have 2 chn- 1 living with me and the other in care temporarily. Nothing in the house amounts to much cost-wise, and he has already set up his house. This is all pure vindictiveness- he told me ages ago that things would stay here and that he had got all he wanted. It is only becoz I have been asking him to bring back the lawnmower (which he said he would return a month ago) every time he comes to pick up no2 for access. At least neither of us has credit cards or a checking acct. I have to see him in a couple of hours for no1's school individual education plan review which I am dreading, but I plan on acting like he is invisible! Hoping all goes well there!! Again, thanks so much for helping me out. I don't have to worry so much now as I understand about what is going to happen- I was freaking out so much coz I had no idea before!
irish

You're welcome and hang in there during the negotiations for who gets what. A friend of mine went through it twice. The first time she jumped at the unnessesary bait her ex threw at her and it lead to a bunch of hassles and so on. The second time she reminded herself that this is just the legal process at work and it had to be done and his "bait" don't matter. What matters is we get it done. She held her tongue and calmly negotiated and ended up with more of the things she wanted and needed to care for her and the children. After he tried baiting her a few times She figured out the "baiting" was his attempts to see what she would more strongly fight for over everything else and he would take those just to prove he could. By remaining calm and working the process instead of falling for his manipulations she came out of it with more then the things that she wanted and her self esteem and so on in tact.

Hang in there.

[sujunew]

myself, again THANKS

[walkswithspiritbear]

You are going to do just fine irishj, take care and I certainly hope all goes as well as you wish today.. good luck

Also, you only divide up items purchased while you were together. For instance if you arrived into the marriage with a TV - it's completely yours. You only split stuff accumulated during the marriage.

Good luck!!

i believe it also depends upon what state you live in..........

and ems is correct....anything you had previously, he cannot touch.

good luck..i've been there........xoxoxo pat

[(JD)]

Usually it means you have to sell the house and split the profit. Unless you buy him out, which doesn't sound like you are able to do that. It's never easy , but you can get through this. TC