[Dreamy01]

What do you think about this sort of arrangement? Two close friends of each sex meet up for no strings sex while retaining an emotional bond insofar as friendship goes, but nothing committed or long term. Does it ever work or is it always bad news?

Is this a hypothetical question? How close do you mean?
Based strictly on the info you gave I'd answer yes, it can work.
It can also go very wrong.

[mommyof2girls]

I would say GO FOR IT !!!!

[Trippin2.0]

I've had it turn out both ways. 1 guy is still a close friend, his married now and our friendship was never weird, the 2nd guy, let's just say our friendship has been terminated. I think it depends largely on the rules agreed upon and the type of people involved.

[Dreamy01]

Thanks for the replies. It isn't hypothetical - basically I have a really good male friend I've known for six years and we trust each other completely. He has always been attracted to me but I've seen him as more like a brother. We've both just come out of failed relationships and were innocently discussing missing the 'physcial side' when he made the proposal. On paper it makes sense - we both have major health problems making a full commitment tough at the moment, and we are both very lonely and missing physcial contact. We like eachother although for me it's more platonic. I was straight with him that if I found a long term partner our arrangement would have to end, and he is absolutely fine with that. I trust him because I've known him a long time and believe he would stop whenever I wanted him to. My only concern is his feelings for me and whether he's secretly hoping more will come of it. I've been absolutely clear from my point of view that we would simply be good friends with sex though.

I think there's a sort of element of 'I shouldn't do this' that makes me want to. I've always been a quiet person and settled down into marriage and a child very young.

[Trippin2.0]

If he's not on the same page emotionally, no amount of convincing himself is going to help. He'll get hurt, no 2 ways about it. Question is, will your friendship survive his heartache...

[Dreamy01]

Well yes that's my concern too. The thing is, we have met up regularly as friends for some years. We tried to have a relationship (no sex) about three years ago, but it didn't last very long as it wasn't what I wanted. He said to me yesterday that he understood it's literally friends with benefits, nothing else. Maybe I need to have another talk with him and ensure he absolutely does know there will be nothing else...

[Trippin2.0]

Yes, that's a good idea. And if possible, ask him if he's SURE he can still be your friend after. Even if he doesn't confess his undying love, you moving on to a real relationship will hurt if he does have feelings for you. The 2 of you need to plan for that possibility. You need to establish how to go about being friends again after his heartache... Eg, would he need time,distance,support? what's the estimated timeline involved, should he have to lick his wounds.
.
Also, I found that having a no contact period after the benefits stop, makes it easier to readjust to being platonic.

[Dreamy01]

Thanks for the help Trippin, I will definitely have that talk with him and discuss what we'll do if/when I meet someone and we go back to being friends. He's a very chilled out guy and has adjusted to a lot of stuff in his life so I believe he could handle this IF he is clear in his own mind that it won't lead to a relationship.

[Trippin2.0]

It's a pleasure, and by all means, ENJOY!

[Scotty204]

It could go either way, one person gets too attached or the other finds a relationship and jealousy sets in. I say while the goings good give it a try

[lido78]

Even if he says that he understands that nothing more can/will come of a "FWB" arrangement, if you think he has feeling for you, I'd steer clear. I think that this type of relationship can work but not if one person has romantic feelings of any kind. Even if you don't particularly value the friendship, if the situation does go wrong, it can really complicate your life.

[Aslan]

immoral, just using each other.

[lido78]

Aslan...I'm not sure that mutually consenting behavior is "immoral." This seems to be a pretty judgemental response...people get together for all kinds of reasons...friendship can be seen as a way to stave off lonliness...in essense, each person in a friendship is using the other to make himself or herself feel better...is friendship immoral then? For some reason, methinks you deem this particular activity as immoral because it involves sex. And, as we all know, sex can mean different things to different people...as long as both parties are mutually consenting adults, let's leave the judgement out of it, please.

[Trippin2.0]

There's nothing wrong with 2 consenting adults helping eachother out. If you want to call it immoral, that's your opinion. But your opinion is just that. An opinion... Remind me, what exactly was the point of your post now again? Support? Advice? Judgement?

[Trippin2.0]

There's nothing wrong with 2 consenting adults helping eachother out. If you want to call it immoral, that's your opinion. But your opinion is just that. An opinion... Remind me, what exactly was the point of your post now again? Support? Advice? Trolling?

[Aslan]

thought opinions of others is what was asked for, I gave mine.

[Trippin2.0]

The OP asked "does it ever work or is it always bad news?"
.
How exactly does your opinion answer that question?

[Aslan]

just going to be using each other for sex, answer is simple its wrong and its not good

[Trippin2.0]

That doesn't answer the OP's question at all.
.
Thanks, I've proved my point, you may resume your trolling duties now...

[Aslan]

so its you trying to prove a point, thought so

[Perna]

The problem I have with it is there's not much room (in my mind) for looking for, wanting, going for the other, more permanent relationships. One is already emotionally bonded/friendly so being a good "friend" and then you add the sex; why would either person think they wanted/needed more? It's a relationship any way you slice it. You can't be a friend to someone and not care about their "feelings". Sex doesn't cause the feelings and what feelings come of it have to be suspected or the sex isn't any good.

I think it is an opportunity to fool one's self and/or potentially get hurt or hurt a "friend". Either that or my husband is a friend with benefits (beneficial friend?)

[lido78]

Aslan...of course, you're always entitled to your opinion, but I think the OP was asking more about whether a FWB relationship can work or if it's always a bad idea for the two people involved. Calling it immoral is more of a judgement on the whole concept, even if it does work for both parties and neither one is hurt by it. It seems to me that you may believe that sex outside of a committed relationship is wrong and there are plenty of people out there who believe as you do. However, this post really wasn't about that...it was simply asking whether two people who trust each other can share physical/sexual intimacy and continue to maintain their friendship.

I think that we all need to remember that not everyone has the same goals for their life (or even the same goals for particular periods in their life). Not everyone wants to get married and have children. So, sometimes sex comes in the form of a relationship that is not committed. I think this is perfectly fine for some people. But, if one does this in a serial fashion, it may just mean that the ability to bond if a longer term relationship is ever desired may be lost.

[Aslan]

its never right to use someone just for sex, doesnt matter if its a freind.
you dont use a person in this way, and thats what makes it immoral.
its a crime against the self.

[Trippin2.0]

But it's ok to use them for support, advice, as a bank? etc etc... Just coz you add sex into the equation doesn't make you value them any less.