Friends with benefits

I had a similar relationship that lasted 6 years. I was trying to "get well" and she was working on her career. The only reason it ended was because she started being deceitful. Honesty is the key to any relationship. (I hear)

things of this nature will damage you, while your having fun,
when the funs over, you will feel used and dirty, thus
damaging the self. freinds dont have sex, thats why
they are freinds.

Okay then, I assume that only sex for procreative purposes meets your standard for morality? To me, ANY other purpose could fit the bill for mutual using...even in marriage, people have sex just to feel good...they're using each others' bodies to feel good...is that immoral?

Oh boy...I've definitely had sex outside of a committed relationship and never felt used or dirty. Guess I'm immoral. And, I'm okay with that.

sex in marriage, nothing wrong with that, cant say thats using the other person.

maybe you was doing the using

Okay Aslan...we got the picture. You only believe in sex within the confines of marriage. Anything other than that is just not your thing. But, there are plenty of normal, healthy people out there who want something different for their lives. But, please note that just because you're married doesn't mean that sex isn't used for purposes other than love and children...it can be used as an apology, it can be used as an enticement to get someone to do something that they really don't want to do, and it can be used just to relieve tension/stress....still sounds like one person using the other...being married doesn't change that.

ive never been married, but I have had sex. part of been married,
have to be mindfull of persons needs, if you think thats using,
this could be the case if the marrige wasnt working like it should.
then suppose you could deem some behaviours as using.

both there to satisfy each other, thats how marriage should work.

Hey guys, thanks for the thoughts. Each is entitled to their own. As someone said, sex means different things to different people.I'm just interested in experiences of FWB and whether people have found it works or doesn't. Sex is sex, and any opinions on how it is used is basically down to personal perspective. Apart from forced sex which is of course another issue entirely and totally wrong, I don't see anything 'wrong' per sae about FWB when both people consent, it's just whether it really works within a friendship context even if its agreed upon.

I never thought I was a person to consider this sort of arrangement in all honesty as I've been a 'sex in relationship only' person in the past (personal choice) but I have long term health issues which makes a committed relationship difficult, my friend is in a similar situation, we are both lonely and we are good friends. Those factors have brought me to a point of wondering whether we should just go for it. It's not as if we haven;t been completely honest with one another and he is very laid back about things so I know if I did find a future partner he would accept it.

I guess this debate brings up a lot of mixed opinions.

if you have long term health issues, maybe for you its smtg that will work.
best of luck

I think that it can work, but may not be the best idea if your friend has previously expressed feelings for you. He may be saying that he can handle it when, in reality, he's just trying to get closer to you. If you think this is not the case and you periodically reevaluate how it's going, I think it can work. I had a similar situation (no health issues, we both just were not ready to get back into committed long-term relationships and were lonely) that worked out fine. That being said, I've had much better sex when in love. I've also had a GREAT time with one FWB relationship that did not involve sex....we watched movies and cooked together and even fell asleep in the same bed, but neither one of us was attracted to each other, so there was never any sex. Sometimes a "cuddle buddy" is really what's needed. The companionship, respect and the physical contact were all the benefits that were needed.

Best sex I ever had by far was outside of marriage. I know I shouldn't have done it, I know it was cheating and it hurt others... but DAMN the sex was good. I think it was BECAUSE we were already very good friends that it worked so well for us. We had been so close for so long that we communicated extremely well and both of us felt the whole thing was about how to make the other feel good. When two people can get together like that - WOW. If you can take that friendship and subtract the cheating guilt, I think you may really have something going. Knock yourself out and have fun.

I haven't been in this type of relationship, but my very good friend has been in a few. What I noticed was that although she was in the long-term looking for a long lasting relationship and only having fwb in the meantime until she met someone else. It never ended up happening. Perna touched on this already.

Since she was in fwb relationships it somehow closed the door a bit to meeting other people. In the end she decided this wasn't helping her find a long term partner. She also went through a lot of heartche as people move on and emotions got in the way.

I think it can work for some people, some of the time. But you mentioned your friend may have more feelings involved than you. I would take caution with that knowledge.

Good points that Anika and Perna have made...I guess there is a danger if you get too used to FWB-type relationships...something may just shift inside of you before you're even aware it's happened...and you never know how this could play out years down the road if/when you want something more.

Anika and others have raised a good point about the exact nature of the friend's feelings that I am not qualified to address. I know the friendship part and the physical part, but the exact nature of his side of the relationship is outside my experience. I'll amend my post to "have fun carefully".

If both participants agree to guidelines and know from the get go its a FWB thing, then its not using the other person. Participants should be single of course. Here's some helpful guidelines:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/rules...with-benefits/

I would feel kind of nervous being in that type of relationship. Im not saying that those types of relationships are bad.

I just wouldnt want that to be the reason a friendship gets ruined, if it were to get ruined.

It just depends on the type of people who are invovled.

I had this type of relationship with someone that I started dating. It quickly became apparant that I didn't want any more than "friends with benefits" and was even dating other people as well. He understood this although I know he wished for more. I ended up getting married to someone else but we are still extremely good friends. We both know that we can talk to each other about anything at anytime.....so I guess what I'm saying is if he understands the situation then go for it!!! He is an adult and is responsible for his own feelings. If he knows frome the start the situation and agrees to it then it's all good!!

I start to get feelings, it's only human to have feelings after sex. It feels good i feel wanted but underneath it all I had problems and insecurities that I found this as a coping way for loneliness, I could find a heather way to cope. There is pain in the end, there is attachment even a hint of it the day I don't get feelings I start to question my sanity and worth and potential for future problems. Underneath it is not something I want to do, but i still do it it confuses me at times. Also in the back of my mind I know I'm having sex with someone I don't truly know, fwb don't want us to get too connected or attached. He is a high risk group, worry of std sti is starting to take over me. That's just me

I think it's a completely personal choice, whether it can work or not depends on you and the friend. For me, sex is not something I can share with anyone I'm not attached to. I don't do casual sex ever but again, that's MY personal choice. The only concern would be if you are fine with it and dont' think that you'll get attached in spite of the friend staying unattached, you'll be fine. I think it can only work with both friends truly being very open and unattached, but for me why would I want someone in my life like that?