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Old Nov 02, 2012, 02:18 PM
South68 South68 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2012
Posts: 7
My husband recently moved out. Long story short, he hadn't been honest with me about a past relationship with a co worker and had hidden multiple financial issues from me. I had no idea until recently that I had anxiety disorder. I'm learning about my triggers and how that affects the dynamic of my relationships.

I feel awful about how I became increasingly controlling and accusatory of my husband. We began talking about things and came to the conclusion we would both be happiest if we created a living apart but being together type of situation. We're committed to each other but need time apart for a variety of reasons. This is the third marriage for both os us and we're in our forties. Currently, he's staying with his family until his apartment is available in a couple of months.

He just told his family today about our new arrangement. They are not supportive. They believe my issues will surface again.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Rationally, I do believe we can be really successful with this arrangement, but his family being against his wishes to try to make things work with me makes me wonder if they won't meddle and screw things up. He's very close with them I'm determined to back off when the subject of them comes up. I know I can't control their opinion.

Sigh. Any advice? Feeling insecure.
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Anonymous33145

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  #2  
Old Nov 02, 2012, 02:57 PM
Leed's Avatar
Leed Leed is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
While he may be close with his parents, he MUST realize that he is NOT blameless in this situation. I mean, for Pete's sakes, he CHEATED on you, and he wasn't honest about financial issues that affected you -- those are HUGE issues that would shake any marriage to it's core!! Many marriages just wouldn't survive it.

So if you two have talked this out cooly and calmly and decided that this is the best solution for the time being, then I applaud you for it rather than making a mad dash for the court system and getting a divorce.

As for your Anxiety disorder, who WOULDN'T have one after having dealt with his cheating and the financial secrets?? That would throw anyone into a tailspin -- and now you don't know if you can trust him anymore.

His family needs to keep their noses OUT of your marriage/issues and let you two work things out! And HE needs to tell them to stay OUT of it. If he's not man enough to do that, then you might be in trouble if he's THAT close to them. You might want to remind him not to discuss ANY of your problems with them, as everything is PRIVATE and not to be shared with them under any circumstances. If he needs someone to talk to, go see a therapist, but don't talk to the family about it!

I hope this all works out for you. You two DO sound like you're committed to one another and I hope this time apart leads back to getting together again. I wish you the very best! Please keep us posted. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee
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The truth shall set you free but first it will make you miserable..........................................Garfield
  #3  
Old Nov 02, 2012, 03:06 PM
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yellowted yellowted is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,004
what the inlaws think is irrelevant, they are not living your or your husbands life, only you two are and therefore whatever feels right to you two is all that counts. if they don't like it they have two choices either accept it and continue being part of your lives or not accept it and leave you both well alone. you do not have to listen to any derogetory comments they make, it is easy to shut them up by saying you are not living our lives so do not understand our reasoning until you have lived our life shut the hxxl up!
  #4  
Old Nov 02, 2012, 03:12 PM
Anonymous33145
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Posts: n/a
I am sorry you are going through all of this. It's understandable that you are feeling awful Have you had a chance to speak with your T about everything? Also, have you and your H considered couples counseling while you try to work through things?

Given your situation, it seems pretty normal that you are very anxious. Change is stressful. Add betrayal and infidelity, and anyone would be a mess! (regardless of an anxiety Dx, which btw is NOBODY'S business)

Your marriage it between you and your H. I agree wholeheartedly that he needs to speak with his family to put them in their place (which is NOT in the middle of you two).

Best wishes to you. I hope you will take good care of yourself. And try to not be so hard on yourself. Please post and let us know how you are doing.

Rose
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