[Outsider66]

Lately I have made quite a few new friends some of which are women. I little background with me is that i havent been in a relationship for a long time now (i'm a 28 yr old guy) and don't have many friends.
So lately i've found myself becoming increasingly jealous and paranoid that some of my female friends have or will get together with other guys some of which we are both friends of. I have this sick feeling even thinking about it.
The confusing aspect is that with me I don't want anything to happen with any of these women and just see them as friends so I wonder why I feel so jealous?
For example last week I befriended a guy and one of my initial thoughts was that what if he met a particular female friend of mine and got together, id be so jealous as he seems her type. I can't explain why I would think that though?

I think maybe I feel jealous as I don't have a relationship myself so I feel I am being left behind maybe and want what they have i.e a relationship with a woman?. But then why do I feel jealous of them in that I selfishly dont want my female friends to have male friends as I see them as some kind of threat to our friendship. I don't feel the same really with their female friends.
It it like I want them to see me as their best & closest friend and I do not want someone else to come in and take over and demote me either.
If I found them attractive and wanted something more than I understand the jealousy but I don't which is very confusing.

Thank you for reading.

[Leed]

I completely understand -- and you have the answer yourself. You said that you don't necessarily want a relationship with them, but you don't want them to have one cause you'll get "demoted" as not a "close friend" anymore. I can understand that. And I don't think it's weird or anything. I'll bet lots of folks have felt like that before.

But if your friends are any kind of friends at all, they'll still keep you in the loop of friends that they have. You'll still be invited to parties, or get-togethers. It doesn't matter that you're single -- if they're REAL friends, they'll still want you around! So no problem, right?

And you'll find the right girl soon. Just don't "settle" in order to have a relationship. "Settling" is the worst thing you could do, and isn't fair to you or the person you choose. Wait for the RIGHT one -- you'll find her. Just be patient -- she's out there.

In the meantime, enjoy your friends and stop worrying. You're not going to be forgotten, believe me. You're a good guy. Hugs, Lee

[Outsider66]

Thx Lee!

Yeah I know deep down they won't demote me as I fear. But thats not my main concern though. I do feel that with alot of friends both male and female however I feel jealous specifically if two of them were to get together.
It is like I am envious of the guy who got the girl in a sense and its like I wish it was me who got with her sometimes even though I don't find them attractive that way, yes they are good looking but I dont see them that way.
But then I say to myself if I did not think them two were getting together I wouldn't want to get with the female friend. Seems I only want to when I know or feel they may do with others if that makes sense.

[unaluna]

it's the "copycat couch" syndrome.I will go to one aunt's house and see their couch, then I will go to another auntie's house and they have the exact same couch! Who has the good taste? Who copied whom? You can't tell. But can either woman enjoy her purchase? You are now in a perfect position to evaluate what qualities what suit you in a mate. Look for those qualities among your friends, and try not to be deceived.

[Outsider66]

Originally Posted by hankster

it's the "copycat couch" syndrome.I will go to one aunt's house and see their couch, then I will go to another auntie's house and they have the exact same couch! Who has the good taste? Who copied whom? You can't tell. But can either woman enjoy her purchase? You are now in a perfect position to evaluate what qualities what suit you in a mate. Look for those qualities among your friends, and try not to be deceived.

I don't understand what you mean sorry.

[Open Eyes]

It could just be that you enjoy their attention and don't want to lose that. You havent had freinds for a while so this attention is "nice". Hey, attention is always a high, even in "friendships" so it is normal not to want that jeopordized. But, maybe another guy might have a sister you "would" be attracted to. Often we meet that "special" one through others, so keep an "open mind".

Open Eyes

[kittycat97]

I have this problem too. I don't like people that I am comfortable being around with, communicate with other people in my life. I get jealous easily. The other people seem to be 'snatching' them from me.

[sesame]

I think that after a while you kind of feel like a third wheel in a sense. Like, if you were to just hang out with other friends, it would feel comfortable. However, if you were to hang out with the lady friend and her love interest, there's kind of a feeling like you're less wanted.

Also, sometimes I think it has to do with the attitude of the potential new boyfriend/girlfriend toward their partner having opposite sex friends, as some get jealous very easily. I think it's a fear of the status of your relationship with these women changing, and I think it's pretty valid.