[tigerlily84]

Sorry if this is long. Just need to get this out.

My younger brother is getting married next year. There are 5 kids in our family, and his will be the first marriage. His fiance wants me to be a bridesmaid, and I am truly very happy for them both. The problem is that I am single, and have only had 1 relationship that ended a long time ago. I'm not in touch with him anymore.

My stepmom seems to love to point out that I'm still single, and embarasses me in front of the entire family. For example, on my birthday she said "In 2 more years (I'll be 30 then) you'll be an old maid." She said this in front of the whole family. When she actually didn't get married until she was 45 to my dad. (Her first marriage)

Now she has convinced my female relatives on my dad's side (aunts, grandma, etc) that I am either gay or too lazy to "find a man." Nothing wrong with being gay, but I am not interested in women. Every person on my dad's side has had a child by the time they were 25. Times are different now, and women have more choices. I try not to let it bother me, but every time I go to my dad's I cringe thinking that she will say something else. My dad doesn't say anything because he is passive. Everytime I say something back to my stepmom, she says something else that is hurtful. I am seeing a T, but we've barely scratched the surface on this particular topic.

I'm not expecting suggestions. I know that I need to love myself first, etc. I'm working on it, trust me. I shouldn't care about what she thinks, but I do. And I have told her to stop but she won't. I haven't done anything to her. I've known her for 20 years now and she's always been like this. I don't even know the point of this post. Just venting I guess. I am just very frustrated. She always says hurtful things, not just about this. And I have tried to stay away from her, but I ended up avoiding going to my dad's house altogether, and I don't want her negative attitude to affect the relationships I have with the rest of my family. We're all pretty close, except for her. She says horrible things to everyone, including her own children.

I don't have any male friends that I can ask to go with me. Maybe I should just suck it up and go solo. Sorry this post is so long. I feel like I shouldn't complain.

[healinghearts]

(((Tigerlilly)))
She sounds like a mean and unhappy person and like she is jealous of you. Since you are close with your brother and are excited to be a brides maid by all means you should do it ! Don't let stepmother's mean comments come between you and your brother.

Hope you have a wonderful time!!!

Healinghearts

I agree, step mum seems unhappy, and takes it out on everyone. At least you can take some comfort that at least its not just you! Have you ever tried talking to her about it, but not after an argument or anything? Or next time saying something like 'I didn't like how that comment made me feel' or something a bit more eloquent than that.

As for your female relatives, am sure they dont really believe what she says. If she's as mean to everyone as you say, I bet they know she's just stirring and gossiping. And if they do believe it, then let them! More fool them.

Life has taught me that people like that rarely change, and perhaps if possible you could learn to ignore her and her comments, keep any exchanges to the bare minimum. Sometimes people stop if they dont get a rise out of the person they're being catty towards. As for the wedding, you're going to look all lovely, hair & make up etc, and am sure will feel a million bucks! Try putting a big smile on your face for all to see and dont let her or any gossip drag you down and certainly dont show it & give her the satisfaction. I bet it will be a lovely day, seeing your brother getting hitched and am sure she wont spoil it.

[unaluna]

Have you tried repeating, over and over, until it's ridiculous, her situation back to her? ie that you will do as she did, and WAIT until you're 45 and find such a great guy with such a great ready-made family, lucky her, big smile, hug and kiss, end of sentence, end of DISCUSSION. And look sad about your "real mom", wherever she is, and the fact that this hag made you remember her. And shut her down, that's the only thing to do to old people, I am one, so I know. Especially mean ones. You're only 28, nowadays that is pretty young. It's your brother's wedding, that is going to be FUN!

[Confusedinomicon]

You dont need a date to be a bridesmaid. Your brother should pick out 3-4 best men and one will be paired with you when you go down the aisle.

I would talk to your brothers fiance to find out more details. If you needed a date, the fiance would have said something!

[tigerlily84]

Wow, thank you all for the replies! I really wasn't expecting anything, but it felt good just to get out some of my feelings.

To healinghearts - I agree that she is an unhappy person. She's been like this as long as I've known her. But as for her jealousy, I really don't know. Jealous of what, exactly? My friend has suggested the same thing but I can't think of a single reason why she would be. I'm definitely not going to let her stop me from being a bridesmaid. I've talked to my brother about it and he agrees that she is out of line. He said he was going to talk to her about it but he has so much on his plate right now planning for the wedding. I don't want to add to his stress.

Riotgrrl - No, I've never tried talking to her about it when we haven't been arguing. I have told her how I feel and she just says that I will be alone like my mother if I don't find someone to spend my life with. (BTW, my mom just never remarried.) I pretty much breathe a sigh of relief when I see that my stepmom's not there. She will always say something. The thing is, she thinks that she's helping. My female relatives have started asking me if I am gay. When I asked them why they were thinking this, everyone's replies begin with "Well (stepmom's name) said..." I will try not to let her comments bother me.

[tigerlily84]

Hankster - No, I haven't tried to repeat her own situation back to her to the point of ridiculousness. Lol I may want to try that! Stepmom is hardheaded if you ask me. I think the problem may be that I let her get under my skin, you know? I really have to work on that. My real mom is around and we're very close. I have a problem with confronting people, so I need to shut her down as you say!

Confused - I'm aware I don't need a date in order to be a bridesmaid. I just want to avoid the inevitable comments from my stepmom. But I will go regardless of whether I have a date or not!

Thanks again for your replies, I appreciate it! have a good day all!

[Butterfly25]

I would not let her get away with the rumor mongering and the overall bad behavior. It's really not her family as much as it is yours and reven if you view it equally she has no right to bother and pester you as she does. I would say something to her to make her stop. You need to make a point. Because it's not right. She should not be so rude.

I implore you to make a point to her and anyone around you if you need to, to make her stop being so rude and negative. It's not good for anyone, your family and relatives as well.

What she is doing is not right.

Good luck.

[girlwithbrownhair]

Tigerlily, I was in your shoes once(almost) and in near-desperation brought a new boyfriend to my sister's wedding. Ug. I couldn't enjoy myself at all, and in the end felt rather selfish in my choice. If your mother continues on this line, just gently remind her that 1.) It's your BROTHER'S special day, and it should be about HIM, not you (it really should), and 2.) That weddings are a WONDERFUL place to meet men, which you couldn't do if you brought a date, now...could you?