[ingalot]

Ok. I've been with my boyfriend for a while now, and I love him to bits and would trust him with my life. honestly, he's the reason i stopped SH and am still alive.

i've been debating on whether or not i should tell him about my......down times (to put it lightly). So i told him the other day.

EXCEPT I"M TERRIFIED I"M GOING TO LOSE HIM. I'm an extremely paranoid person, and i'm scared that i freaked him out. i mean, I would be mildly freaked out if someone told me this out of the blue, because i wouldn't know what it feels like (i'm talking hypothetical - i would be completely understanding if someone told me that they want to kill themselves or can't see any way out)

he said he understands and that he's there if i need him, but what if he's saying that just to make me happy?

i don't know what to do..... and i'm scared of losing him, because he's my lifeline (though he still doesn't know that - i don't want him to feel pressured.)

i honestly don't want to put pressure on him, but i NEED some form of support since i don't trust my parents.

[Leed]

Sweetie, if he says he understands, please don't feel paranoid around him or feel paranoid at ALL. Believe him, if he hasn't given you any reason NOT to believe him. If he says he understands, take him at his word, until he gives you reason to doubt him. Chances are he DOES understand, and will support you as much as you need. Just try not to be too "clingy." That might push him away more than anything else.

A guy has to feel that he has a LITTLE space. He doesn't want to feel suffocated. So when you need support you can ask him to be there, but don't cling to him so he can't breathe. He'll support you the best he can. And chances are it will be plenty.

God bless and try not to worry. I'm sure he's a good guy. Hugs, Lee

[Roukan]

It is better for him to hear it from you before someone else tells him. If he is really into you it want matter. You say he is your everything, be very careful putting that much into others. Remember we should love ourselves fully before others will love us.

[ingalot]

i know... i kinda love myself (until i decide that i'm ugly and hate being blind) - but that happens less often since i've met him (well... i still get the 'blind blues'.. )

I'm hoping that he doesn't freak out - doesn't seem like it (according to him, but since monday we've only vaguely talked online as he's been busy with exams)

if not... idk what i'll do. i guess it'd be retarded if he treats me different cause i'm exactly the same person as before except that he knows this....

oh well. i'll just wait and see....