[Christina86]

Okay, so I might be blowing this out of proportion just a bit... but here it goes. I need advice or reassurance or SOMETHING.

I met this guy at a fastfood place. He works there, he seemed nice, joking with me and whatnot. I don't find him all that physically attractive or am interested in him and he's a few years older than me (not sure how much, but 5-10?).

One day, he gives me a slip of paper with his emails and phone number and tells me there's a keg party for students at my university and asks me if I want to come.

I don't say anything, and after discussing with a friend, I add him to my MSN. Had my first conversation with him tonight, I'm anxious.

He keeps saying how he's free this weekend and how he would like someone to hang out with (aka me). And keeps telling me to phone him. I can't stand phones, makes me anxious.

I think he was flirting with me... ACK!

And then as I was just about to sign off, he asks me out for coffee. I didn't give him an answer, just signed off.

I know I was being mean with my avoiding his questions and requests and whatnot but I don't know what to do.

No guy has EVER been interested in me. I've got friends who are guys, and I like hanging out with them and all but... this guy actually LIKES me.

HALP?!? I've never been out on a date, and I don't know what to do.

(Yes, this is probably a trivial concern but I don't know what to do. I'd ask for advice from my friends, but they don't understand all I've gone through. And my anxiety about my whole "disability" thing doesn't make it any easier).

[Sabrina]

I don't think it is trivial at all.

If you really don't want to go out with him, it would be best that you set the boundary immediately by saying that you want nothing more than friendship.

If you would like to go out with him, and the idea of a date frightens you, just think of it as coffee with a friend.

I have been out of the dating game for years and years so I am not really sure what to say. I hope what I suggested isn't lame.

Hugs

[Christina86]

Not lame at all.

Thanks Sabrina.

[Maven]

If you want to go out with him, say yes. If not, say thank you, but you don't feel compatible with him that way.

Going on a first date is much like hanging with friends. You talk about anything you want, see what you have in common, laugh, go to a movie or something, and have fun.

[Christina86]

Thanks Maven

Much appreciated.

[Lexicon78]

Wow! This is actually a GOOD thing!

Like Maven said, it's pretty much where you just try to get to know each other.

I think before you go to any keg party with him, you might want to spend a bit more time with him. I know some guys would jump at the chance of taking advantage of people, especially with some alcohol in their system!

Stay safe!

[desirae]

Well first I think you have to decide if you can physically attract to this man. I mean, personally, I don't believe that cliche it's in the inside that matters. Because when you first meet a personal and begin to date it's all pure physical attraction. You can't be going for the "inside" crap if you don't know the person.

Okay....enough ranting.

If you do decide he's your type then it's the jump into it like it's a pool of freezing water. That's what datings all about surviving the unknown. You never know what you can find, could be the man of your dreams, or a jerk. There's only one way to find out.

Good Luck!!!.....please tell us how it goes.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. do you have any friends who know him? any way to find out a little bit about him first? i may be overly cautious, but i'm older than dirt. love, pat

[Christina86]

Thanks Lexicon. Thats part of the reason I was cautious about the party, and the fact I hate big social gatherings.

I'm not physically attracted to the guy desirae. "Surviving the unknown"? I like that. Thanks

I'm afraid not fayerody. All I know is that he goes to my university, but I can't remember the program (not mine, obviously). Not sure how to find out any more about him unless I ask. *sighs* Older than dirt? NOT! Thanks.

canders, for the first several meetings..if you decided to go with this, always meet him. don't let him come to where you live. and have the "dates" "meetings" "get togethers" in very public places. no being alone with him at first. your instincts will probably tell you, soon, what's up.....you're either into him or you're bored witless.

i thought about trying to slit my throat with my truck keys one night....on one of those "first dates".....we were having dinner and he started talking, about himself, at 7 and was still going strong at 11...the elderly couple at the next table were fascinated, mesmerized and appalled...all at the same time!! i found out his history from 1968!! this was in 2001. whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. cheated boredom on that one....drove off and never looked back or SLOWED down. no wave, nada.......

[mymindistoast]

I suggest you and a friend invite him to hang out somewhere, but NOT at a keg party.

No, I'm not your father, but listen to what I say!

Good luck. I hope he turns out to be compatible with you, but if I understood your initial post about him, you didn't find yourself all that interested in him.

Are you more interested about his being interested in you?

Well, whatever your decision, no keg parties.

I hope I was of some HALP to you.

[Mystry]

Christine...maybe you should slow down a little bit and continue with the msn for awhile and ask him about himself...if he is interested he won't try to steer clear of questions...if you know his name and your university is on line then you should be able to dig a little bit up on him...above all else be very careful...it maybe a little cautious on your part but better safe than sorry...

[Christina86]

Thanks again fayerody! (That actually happened? YEESH! )

Thanks mymindistoast, I'll listen to what you say. No keg parties until I get to know him... right? As to your question, yes I am interested in why the heck he'd be interested in me. And you're also correct, I'm not interested in him. Fairly sure anyways.
(The HALP was going to be spelled. "Haaaaaaaaalllp!" but I decided it was too long. And a teensy bit over dramatic. )

Thanks Mystry. Strangely enough, I only know his first name. Which now strikes me as kinda odd now that I think about it.... hmmm. Probably should find that out. Will ask questions, thanks.

[DaveyJones]

Hi Canders...

Why wouldn't someone be interested in you...you're a sweet girl!

There have been some great suggestions above--I'll usually suggest a meet at a coffeehouse, agree on a short period of time, 30 minutes or an hour. If you do it early you can decide to go to a movie or something if you want, or you can continue things via phone or Messenger . Just talk about anything that comes to mind, like you would with anyone. Be yourself, you'll be just fine!

Have fun!

DJ

[Christina86]

Awwww... you're making me blush!

Thanks! (totally agree on the short period of time, most people find it difficult to keep my attention for any longer than that in a conversation!)

[Christina86]

Okay, so mister smarty-pants hasn't gotten back to me or contacted me.

(Read "smartypants" with sarcasm or general dislike).

So I figure thats kapput. I'm not putting myself out there if he won't do me the favour of responding to two emails!

Thanks for all the advice though. Will keep it in memory for the next time, if there is one...