[STEELERGIRL4LIFE]

My "husband" treats me terrible, especially when we fight (that he starts out of the blue!). The past 3 fights he has: put a hole in the wall, called me fat & lazy, and called me the "C" word. He wants me out. This past time he got out of bed before the sun even came up because the dog who sleeps with him kept him up all night. So he was sleep-deprived, as he puts it. I said put the dog out & come back to bed. Too late, he goes into immediate rages.

He got up, put the bright light on, grabbed the dogs, into the bathroom he goes to bath them at 6am, comes out screaming at me that I didn't do it, don't have all the housework done. I'm a no-good lazy fatso. This comes from a 275-lb man who sits & plays games on the computer half the day while he sits on SS-Disability!

And just 3 days ago he's talking about marriage AGAIN. We've been together 18 years! He doesn't treat me bad all the time. He gives me money to buy myself things and thinks that is being good to me.

I am scared. He gets in these rages. I never know how to handle him or myself in these times. And right now I'm half starving myself due to his "fatso, you look pregnant comments". I had water & chicken broth for breakfast today. I'm miserable but I love him. And I have no place else to go. How do I handle this situation? IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!!! Thanks.

[Leed]

May I ask you WHY you love him? Are you sure it's love and not dependency? You said that you don't have anywhere else to go -- that sounds like dependency to me. So are you really SURE it's love?

How can you love someone who calls you the "C" word? How can you love someone who calls you "fatso?" Or "no good?" Or tells you he wants you OUT? How can you love someone like that? Just because he gives you money to buy things? What else does he do for you? Is that it -- he gives you money?

When is the last time he really DID something for you? When is the last time he told you he loved you? When is the last time he helped you around the house? Since he doesn't work, I'm betting he hasn't helped YOU in a very long time. When is the last time he told you that you were pretty?

What DOES he do for you? Why do you stay with this man? You say he scares you. You say he treats you horribly. Do you stay with him because you feel you can't get anyone else? That's ridiculous!!! YES YOU CAN.

Get rid of this awful man. One day he WILL HIT YOU. It's just a matter of time. With his anger problem, he will hit you or worse. He needs to see a therapist for his anger problem -- but i doubt that he would. Please ask him to though. Perhaps he will agree to. There's some reason for his anger, and it's NOT YOU.

I wish you the very best. Please take care of yourself, and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Yoda]

http://www.thehotline.org/

1−800−799−SAFE(7233)

I am with Leed on this. You should get out of that situation before bad turns to worse and he does physically abuse you. Nothing that he does sounds supportive or loving whatsoever, not even the buying you stuff. I'm guessing he uses that against you too when he's in a rage, probably mentioning all the stuff he does for you ..."lazy.. blah blah blah" I'm sorry but you deserve far better than he is. I think that there's a combination of fear and dependency going on and that's keeping you from leaving but you need to. Trust me on this it's not going to get better. After 18 years he's doing this, why would he change now? you might even consider Yoda's post and call taht number or go to the site. Please at least do something. Your safety and security is all important here.