[hamster-bamster]

Yesterday I "met" this guy on OkCupid. He is very interested in me. He keeps emailing me and wants to meet. I am not well-travelled in California and he wants to take me to various places and stuff... wonderful. He lives far away and is prepared to drive for two hours to meet me - he is motivated. And, we talked on the phone, which is important to me because my main source of information about a person is his voice, NOT looks (I am unusual in this regard, probably). So his voice is very pleasant. Everything is pleasant, except for one thing. He said about Stockton, his city of residence "Stockton has LESS people than Sacramento". Not "FEWER" which would have been correct but "LESS". That disgusted me. And English is his native language, so... no excuses for him. But in all other regards he seems promising. And now I do not know - do I fight this weird preference for proper English or do I live with it and eliminate people who make mistakes?

[hamster-bamster]

I guess I should at least meet him to give him the benefit of the doubt. It seems unfair to treat people so superficially. But I cannot help reacting with horror.

Wow! ... Just, Wow! ... !!!

Forget not speakin' right ... I'd be more concerned about meeting a perfect stranger - motivated or not - and letting them take me all over places I've never been to (in their own vehicle no less) ... ... !!!

Even serial killers can speak eloquent and proper before slicing and dicing their victims to pieces ... Or, perhaps I've read too many crime novels and am being a bit overly dramatic here ... ... !!!

((((HB)))) The grammar thing would have bothered me a bit, too. ok, now, aside from poor grammar, from another PC friend that thinks the world of you and wants the best for you, PLEASE be careful. I am with PFrog on this...meet somewhere very public close enough to your home (so you can take a round trip taxi). Do not give him your home address. If he wants to woo you all the way from Stockton, that is lovely. Truly. But caution first. Always.

Have fun but please be careful (I obv cannot say that enough). If you are going to internet date, tell at least 3 friends where you will be or even go on a group date. And do not accidentally find yourself in a secluded place.

Internet dating is NOT like it used to be back in the day. At all.

(I dont want to scare you away from dating because I think it is fabu that you are getting out there but please do not go anywhere with him).

Bunches of hugs to you.

Rose

[hamster-bamster]

Well it is not like I would go to Yosemite with him right away. He wants to meet over coffee first. I think it takes motivation to drive for two hours to meet someone just for coffee. I said I would let him know today...

Sweetie, I met one guy from San Diego, one from San Fran and one from New Mexico... they all said the same thing! In fact, they may be the same guy I spoke to...

Yes, it is flattering....

Luv, R

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Well it is not like I would go to Yosemite with him right away. He wants to meet over coffee first. I think it takes motivation to drive for two hours to meet someone just for coffee. I said I would let him know today...

I'm an English teacher and I'm not that superficial about peoples' grammar. You'd seriously write off someone because they used "less" instead of "fewer"? Sounds like an excuse to get out of meeting him rather than a real issue. I could understand if everything that came out of his mouth was poor grammar or if he couldn't write a coherent sentence, but just this?

Whatever you do, be careful. Do NOT go in his car alone. Meet only in public places for awhile. Enjoy yourself and try to get past your grammar-snob issues.

[hamster-bamster]

I will be meeting people on the main street of my town, within a walking distance from my apartment. That will be my rule. It is safe, I know the area well enough to find my way with a blindfold, and it has plenty of coffee shops and eateries to choose from to please any taste. So I won't be imposing on anyone with this "rule". I will just be playing it safe.

[Yoda]

you may enjoy this.......

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I'm an English teacher and I'm not that superficial about peoples' grammar. You'd seriously write off someone because they used "less" instead of "fewer"? Sounds like an excuse to get out of meeting him rather than a real issue. I could understand if everything that came out of his mouth was poor grammar or if he couldn't write a coherent sentence, but just this?

Whatever you do, be careful. Do NOT go in his car alone. Meet only in public places for awhile. Enjoy yourself and try to get past your grammar-snob issues.

Just this - everything else was OK. His emails are coherent. But that, "less" instead of "fewer" ... my poor ears were hurting.

[hamster-bamster]

Thanks, Yoda, I have had a good laugh.

FarmerGirl, but on the plus side, I am not snobbish about people's appearance.

Ha ha, that actually made me smile, in a good way!! I was told off just the other day on facebook by a friend of a friend (so I don't know her) over my grammar. Yep, I have terrible grammar, and on this instant I hadn't written something with the apostrophe. But I don't use facebook or the internet to be worried about grammar etc, I want to relax, it isn't a job interview, nor am I talking to the queen. I am with friends.. I was very amused to be told off, first time since school, at my age!! I like to think in this age of LOL's and WTF's, I am just 'down with the kids' by not caring, grins.

I do think that you may be putting too much importance on his choice of words. He could've been nervous speaking to you, and just wanting to get his words out.. or even if he's simply not a wordsmith, it doesn't mean he might not have a lot to offer you :-)

[Livebythesea]

I would find it very difficult to be with someone who said 'him and I went to the store' for example so I can see what you're saying...serious grammatical errors for me are like nails on a chalkboard.

[Odee]

Writing someone off for that common of a grammatical mistake is pretty ridiculous. I'm in a university environment and people still make that very common, colloquial mistake. All it results in is a few jokes.

There's a huuuugggge different between spoken grammar and written. Speech is far less proper but what matters is that communication occurred. We don't write the way we speak for a reason, but we also don't need to speak exactly how we write.

I have a propensity to create spoonerisms and splice my sentences in weird ways. It's funny and doesn't reflect any lack of intelligence. Our human minds are funny when it comes to speech even when we know better.

[krisakira]

My boyfriend misuses the word "anymore." You are supposed to say it after saying things don't happen. Not when things DO happen. Such as... "The earth doesn't rotate anymore."

But my boyfriend would say things like, "These days, society is self-centered anymore."

It irks me everytime! But I get over it. It's not worth fighting. Who cares if he says a word I don't think is being used properly...

[Yoda]

My son corrected me this week for using the word "irregardless." He's pretty sharp for a kid that was in special ed English because he has a written language learning disability.

Me? I am most annoyed when people say they "could care less."

[Anika.]

Hammy Hamster, my dear friend...

I must drive you nuts with my horribble punctuation, missuse of words, and not so great spelling. But I don't think you would write me off because of my lack of concern over my first laungue. You haven't done so yet. This just isn't that important to some people, and you could miss out on someone really great. Less or fewer is so commonly interchanged that I am past calling it a mistake. Languages also evolve over time, or we would still be saying " thou art ". One day you will look up the definition of Less and it will say ~ Fewer. ok maybe not.

I don't write proper english.... It's not what's in my head, or how I talk. I also like to be free to express myself however I choose. Writing often allows me to get emotion across. That would probably lack if I stuck to proper english and grammar all the time. It's ok tho.. Pretty sure despite that .. I'm still smart enough. For me I'd rather put my efforts into something other that what's just proper.

I know certain things get on peoples nerves... maybe the small stuff is worth letting go of tho? It might just end up closeing good doors for you, never know right.

I don't think a small mix up like that implies he is fewer than smart.

Glad you are going to be safe. Make sure you stick to that.

[Maven]

I'm sensitive about English, but I don't judge a person on one common error, and I don't think proper English proves someone is a class act.

Frankly, I think you're just not playing it smart. But if you're going to do it...

Meeting in public is a good idea. Just don't agree to go to somewhere private afterward. I used to meet guys from personal ads I'd placed, with the rule that we meet in a public place. I hadn't anticipated how many expected me to go off with them to a motel room or some other place alone once we'd met and had lunch/dinner. Don't do that, it's downright foolish (and I didn't do that).

All these posts from you have me wondering if you're genuine and honestly, I think you have a lot going on. I can't even keep track of all the problems, concerns and questions you've posted. I can't quite get a picture of you and your situation. It's like you're all over the place. I can't remember if you've posted anywhere--do you have a pdoc?

[Leed]

I'm like you in that I despise poor grammar. I don't always use the BEST grammar myself because I've forgotten all the rules. It has been a long time since I was in school.

I do cringe when I see someone use their, there, or they're improperly! It just drives me NUTS!!! It isn't that hard to remember which one to use!
Or how about when someone writes "I seen this yesterday." ARRGGGHHH!!! I could just tear my hair out!!!!!

So I understand your dislike of someone using poor grammar. I can't stand it either.

Best of luck on your date. Be safe -- and I hope it goes well and that "less" was just a slip of the tongue. Have a good time, and let us know how it went would you please? God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

Ha ha, that actually made me smile, in a good way!! I was told off just the other day on facebook by a friend of a friend (so I don't know her) over my grammar. Yep, I have terrible grammar, and on this instant I hadn't written something with the apostrophe. But I don't use facebook or the internet to be worried about grammar etc, I want to relax, it isn't a job interview, nor am I talking to the queen. I am with friends.. I was very amused to be told off, first time since school, at my age!! I like to think in this age of LOL's and WTF's, I am just 'down with the kids' by not caring, grins.

I do think that you may be putting too much importance on his choice of words. He could've been nervous speaking to you, and just wanting to get his words out.. or even if he's simply not a wordsmith, it doesn't mean he might not have a lot to offer you :-)

Thank you, Riotgirl. I wrote to him offering my free time.

FarmerGirl, I used to teach GMAT prep whose one component is Sentence Correction. One of the topics was countable/uncountable nouns (fewer people/less water). I also taught SAT prep and tutored middle schoolers (English/Math). But even before doing all that I hated this mistake.

In my defense, in all other areas I am non-judgmental.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Anika.

I don't think a small mix up like that implies he is fewer than smart

hehehe good one

[Odee]

I forgot to mention that speech is a very unique process that has a lot to do with picking up phrases and conventions from others speech. We pick up phrases easily and form our sentences more unconsciously than consciously. Writing is unique and far more structured. Different parts of our brain are used to process both. People with specific brain damage can excel at one and become stunted with the other.

Speech is very colloquial. Living in Texas, I'd have to write off about 90% of the people I know if I judged them by poor grammar of speech. The fact of the matter is that most of the 90% I'd be writing off are actually educated, intelligent, wonderful people who just happen to like to use Texas-speak. In fact, I'm as guilty as anyone in lapsing into Texas twang (which is more than just an accent). Very few people actually speak in 100% grammatical English; sounds like you have an issue that could eliminate almost everyone you encounter if that is your standard for choosing companionship. Might need to lose that one.

I used to work in an office with four attorneys ... One of them felt it was his god given duty to "change" my natural southern english ... Everytime I utilized a southern colloquialism or phrase he'd hatefully attempt to correct me ... The final straw came one morning when I was up to my arse in alligators ...

He asked if I had copied a particular document for a hearing and I replied I'm fixin' to, to which he replied, You aren't fixin' to do anything, Did you mean about to? ... I told him that he'd better get out of my office right quick because I was fixin' to put my foot up his arse ... He left quickly and worked diligently to never insult me in such a manner ever again ... The Arrogant Donkey ... !!!

Originally Posted by Pfrog

I told him that he'd better get out of my office right quick because I was fixin' to put my foot up his arse ... He left quickly and worked diligently to never insult me in such a manner ever again ... The Arrogant Donkey ... !!!

I see nothing lacking in grammar in your sentence. As a Texan, that makes complete sense to me.