[whoswho]

OK, so what does this actually mean?

I guess I'm kind of stupid and thought this meant, you know, being friends: as in conversation, sharing casual common interests, etc.

But it seems more like he meant: "I don't have any ill-will towards you but I don't ever want to see or talk to you again."

Have you ever said this to someone or had it said to you? What did you actually mean by it? (Just curious!)

[Leed]

Well, it means just what it says -- they don't ever want to SEE or TALK to you again!! By no "ill-will" he means he doesn't want you to drop dead or anything, but he doesn't want to have anything to do with you. That's too bad.

Sorry. Hugs, Lee

[whoswho]

Er, I mean, all he said was that he wanted to stay friends and that he likes to talk to me, which I assumed meant we are on friendly terms. But when I actually try to talk to him he is very distant, doesn't really say anything, and kind of looks for an excuse to leave.

If he actually said, "I never want to see you again!" then certainly I wouldn't try to talk to him! I was just wondering if "wanting to stay friends" was similar to the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing where it means something completely different than what is actually being said...

[~Christina]

I think "wants to stay friends" can mean numerous things to different people.. If he doesn't respond to you then write him off as a waste of time.

[krisakira]

I have an ex who broke up with me and genuinely wanted to still be friends with me. Thing is, he broke up with me after I was hospitalized for my mental illness, saying he couldn't take it anymore. Guess who did not want to stay friends so glad he is out of my life. Of course he got mad saying I abandoned him. LOL yeah, uh huh.

I agree that it depends on the person saying it. on the surface I could guess the meaning to be staying on friendly terms, not having to avoid each other and cut each other off, but perhaps he didn't say what he really meant. maybe to spare you from the hurt of hearing that he wants nothing to do with you or maybe he's just too much of a coward to actually say what he means. Most likely the latter. He didn't want to have to face your reaction to hearing him say that so he just basically, lied.

[oceancries]

maybe he just needs some time?

[whoswho]

Yeah. I kind of think it is both a "needing time" thing and a "not saying what I really mean" thing. I finally just lost it and said I can't deal with it anymore so... I guess we're not friends. Which really sucks because once upon a time he was a great friend.

I just have to remind myself that I'm not losing much, since conversations like "Hi, how are you? That's good. I'll talk to you later" repeated over and over again doesn't really constitute a "friendship," at least not for me.

I don't understand why, when there was no big argument or betrayal involved, now he must treat me completely differently than before. Really, I don't understand why you break up with someone when you still supposedly like that person. Ugh. I give up trying to understand!

Originally Posted by whoswho

Yeah. I kind of think it is both a "needing time" thing and a "not saying what I really mean" thing. I finally just lost it and said I can't deal with it anymore so... I guess we're not friends. Which really sucks because once upon a time he was a great friend.

I just have to remind myself that I'm not losing much, since conversations like "Hi, how are you? That's good. I'll talk to you later" repeated over and over again doesn't really constitute a "friendship," at least not for me.

I don't understand why, when there was no big argument or betrayal involved, now he must treat me completely differently than before. Really, I don't understand why you break up with someone when you still supposedly like that person. Ugh. I give up trying to understand!

I don't blame you. I would feel the same. It's probably best that way. I think based on the fact you can't trace this to any negative event happening, that he's not telling you something. I can't help but feeling like he was "letting you down easy" (which is the cowardly way of breaking up with someone under the guise of sparing their feelings, where really it's just avoidance).

I said this to a friend in college who had a romantic interest in me. I basically meant that I wanted to be friends and stay friends but I didn't want any physical aspect or romance to not be part of the equation. He didn't get it until I flipped out on him because I was pretty alone at the time and wasn't ready to have him disappear. We stayed friends.

[whoswho]

I don't blame you. I would feel the same. It's probably best that way. I think based on the fact you can't trace this to any negative event happening, that he's not telling you something. I can't help but feeling like he was "letting you down easy" (which is the cowardly way of breaking up with someone under the guise of sparing their feelings, where really it's just avoidance).

Yeah, that's what I think. And I've pretty much been made out to be a complete idiot.

I said this to a friend in college who had a romantic interest in me. I basically meant that I wanted to be friends and stay friends but I didn't want any physical aspect or romance to not be part of the equation. He didn't get it until I flipped out on him because I was pretty alone at the time and wasn't ready to have him disappear. We stayed friends.

That's exactly what I thought: No physical or romantic stuff, but everything else would be more or less the same, except maybe not so intense or involved in each others lives. But not completely phased out, either, which is basically what happened.

Well, it's "life experience" I guess. Stupid life.