Satisfied with ONE - Poss or Not?

I was wondering.... Do you all think a man can be satisfied with just one woman his entire life?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

............................................... Comments Welcomed.

I voted no. I'm just not sure on this one...I've been with to many cheaters to think otherwise.

Sorry guys.

I couldn't vote. I need another option. I have a problem with the usage of the word "satisfied." Can a man be loyal to one other person? I don't know. Maybe a few men can.

I absolutely believe that men can do this. Are ALL men loyal? No. Are ALL women loyal? No.

Also, David Strong gave some good advice in the last thread that discussed men in generalities. He said something like: if you find yourself applying a generalization to a group, try switching the "group" to, say, black people. Then ask yourself how the question sounds.

Rhapsody, honey, I realize that you are very, very hurt by your husband's past addiction. I want to think you're asking questions like this to find hope, not as a way to build up barriers to keep men out.

OK..... for the five ppl that have voted YES so far - Do you actually know someone that fits into this category or is it just an opining you hold?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
and YES....... LMO - I am trying to find at least one ounce of hope left.

P.S. P.S.
Plus.... I am asking for my entire 40 years of living on this earth has taught me differently.

Well, my dad has never cheated as far as I was ever aware of... although he was involuntarily divorced (communism refugee) and then widowed... is now remarried, so he's had 3 wives so far.

My current husband doesn't seem to be unsatisfied, although we've only been together 6 years, not 40.

I have an elderly couple as neighbors, and they LOOOOOOOVVVVEEE each other. It's beautiful. He always lights up when he sees her and they always hold hands.

My stepbrother waited until he was 37 to get married, because he was looking for the "forever" woman. He barely dated... he said he didn't want to spend too much time on women he wouldn't be together with forever. He did find her, btw.

I can think of more examples that inspire hope than contribute to a bad reputation. Most of the men in my life (family, friends) are looking for a woman they can be loyal and committed to. The cheaters that I know are the exception, not the rule.

Does that help Rhap? I hope so... I hear the hurt in so many of your posts and I wish I could help... You've raised three young men and I know that the dedication and importance that you've placed on your marriage will be an inspiring example for them.

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LMo said:
I can think of more examples that inspire hope than contribute to a bad reputation. Most of the men in my life (family, friends) are looking for a woman they can be loyal and committed to. The cheaters that I know are the exception, not the rule.

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Thanks LMo.... and please know that I am trying to change my inner belief system (slow going but trying).... and while your life has shown you one way of man kind - men, mine has shown me another.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I voted YES, and yes, I do know a few men like this. However, in my experience, most men cheat (but not all), and many women cheat, too. I do believe there are some men who don't cheat. And of those who do cheat, it's not necessarily that they can't be happy with one woman. Some men just are no longer happy with the one they have. That's not an excuse to cheat. They usually fail to communicate to their wives why they're dissatisfied, or fail to communicate it in a way that's effective without offending the wife; likewise, a wife may not be receptive to hearing this, may become defensive, and may not be able to become what her husband wants. Both partners have to be open and receptive, and each has to understand that the other may hurt him/her, because it does hurt for your partner to say s/he's not happy with you anymore. Sometimes it can be fixed, sometimes it can't. Sometimes people grow in different directions. For instance, a husband may want a wife who stays at home and raises the kids, whereas a wife may decide she needs to get out and work. Each partner needs or wants different things. You should never do something that will make you miserable to please another person, but if you can make an adjustment that won't leave you angry or resentful, then you might be able to fix things.

And just so we're clear, I'm NOT saying the female has to be the one to change, or that anyone needs to change (except maybe in the communication department). Both will most likely need to change in some way for things to work out when there's problems, though.

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And of those who do cheat, it's not necessarily that they can't be happy with one woman. Some men just are no longer happy with the one they have. That's not an excuse to cheat.

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Ha! I went to bed thinking this exact same thought, and planned to log in this morning and say it, but Maven beat me to it!

I voted yes ... only because I believe this to be from the very root of me. I can be the one .. I can be true ... I KNOW I am true ... if he isn't true - well then that is his own severe character flaw. But I know who I am!

I believe in my husband and I try not to entertain the thoughts that DO naturally creepy in.

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Maven said:
it's not necessarily that they can't be happy with one woman.
Some men just are no longer happy with the one they have.

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I hear what you have said here and while this thought process can (with out a doubt) work in a dating relationship I doubt that it can or will work in a Marriage Covenant.... for I believe marriage to be "Until Death Us do Part" - so being unsatisfied with your present partner/spouse would mean a NO to my original question.... from my POV.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.

IMHO: being satisfied means....
That the man does not lust (visually or mentally), use porn, cheat, flirt, womanize or have sex with another person that is not his wife.


Rhapsody -

That definition doesn't exist...IMO

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Lexicon78 said:
That definition doesn't exist...IMO

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Rhapsody said:
IMHO: being satisfied means....
That the man does not lust (visually or mentally), use porn, cheat, flirt,
womanize or have sex with another person that is not his wife.

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While it may be rare to find these specific qualifications in the younger males (16 to 35).... I do believe (or want to believe) that is it possible to find them active in older males, 45 and over.... probably due to decreasing testosterone levels and actually realizing what is really important in life / love.

> > > > > AGE range can and will vary depending on personal life experience.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Yes, I do believe a man can be satisfied with one woman all his life, and be true to her. I feel that in my own personal relationship and have seen it in others, including my mother and father's relationship.

My boyfriend and I have these conversations all the time. We both believe that if one partner is unhappy or wants to be with someone else for whatever reason, they should respect the person they're with enough to tell them, leave, and then pursue whatever it is they want. It may hurt badly to hear this kind of news, but it is better then lying and cheating. Also, we don't understand why people "commit" to a relationship when they have no intention of being faithful to begin with.

People who cheat come in all age groups, it is just a matter of what kind of person they are.I know a few younger guys who are very loyal to their girlfriends/wives. I have also encountered a few dirty old (and I mean old) men in my time. Some men still have "abilities" well past the age of 45!

So take heart, because there is such a thing as a faithful man.

Love,
Zen

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zen13 said:
People who cheat come in all age groups, it is just a matter of what kind of person they are.I know a few younger guys who are very loyal to their girlfriends/wives. I have also encountered a few dirty old (and I mean old) men in my time. Some men still have "abilities" well past the age of 45!

So take heart, because there is such a thing as a faithful man.

Love,
Zen

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Yes, men still have abilities well after 45 for that I know - but what I was talking about was more of the desire (or less of the desire) to behave like a "horny little toad" all the time..... once their testosterone starts to fade away.... become less, therefore, their sex drive is no so active all the time.

And YES men can stay faithful to their wives/girlfriends in the physical sense, but what about mentally, visually & emotionally..... those three things are just as important of a part of fidelity in a marriage as being sexually pure to ones spouse is.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Rhapsody said:

And YES men can stay faithful to their wives/girlfriends in the physical sense, but what about mentally, visually & emotionally..... those three things are just as important of a part of fidelity in a marriage as being sexually pure to ones spouse is.

I agree totally Rhapsody, those things are just as important, and I do believe that there are men who can be satisfied with one woman.

I have often read that men are naturally visually, mentally and emotionally stimulated by what they see. I don't doubt that with the way our society is, always shoving sexuality down our throats at every given opportunity. But once again, I believe it depends on the man. Not all men (or women) can be categorized into one group.

Love,
Zen

I think all men will look and smile at a beautiful woman passing by......There are some that will just look and not "touch".. I also think "most" men glance at the girly magazines....I've just accepted it as a "guy" thing... It never really bothered me ...

My relationships never lasted that long, so I can't say from experience.. Well i can say my first husband cheated on me with any thing that had legs and female....I don't think my second husband cheated...He was too busy being in "control" of everything so I don't think he had time to cheat...

I think a man can be faithful to one woman... But they will always look and appreciate a beautiful woman.. As women sure do smile when a good looking guy passes by...

As far as the "older men".. umm my x was a horny lil toad all the time when I was married to him... and at 55 he is still a horny little toad.. with the help of viagra.... ..

I know quite a few men over 45 that love porn and things like that so I find it hard to believe that age determines what they will be doing/watching.

How do you lust visually? If you're lusting, regardless of whether you're looking at an attractive person or not, it's mental and physical. I'm not saying it's impossible to find a man like you describe, but you'll have a very hard time doing so, unless you get really lucky. Lusting is natural, for men and for women. But just because you lust doesn't mean you have to give into that lust. And you can push away lustful thoughts, but they occur, however briefly.

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Lexicon78 said:
I know quite a few men over 45 that love porn and things like that so I find it hard to believe that age determines what they will be doing/watching.

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While AGE does not always have any ting to do with what a person will or will not do sexually - it can be affected by the change of life for men (andropause - male menopause).... men are usually more sexually driven more in their younger's years of life (12-45) due to the large amount of testosterone that fills their brain and body, hence the mark of puberty and the desire of the opposite sex.


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Maven said:
How do you lust visually? If you're lusting, regardless of whether you're looking at an attractive person or not, it's mental and physical.

Lusting is natural, for men and for women.

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Most lust does start off being visual then it leads to the mental and then the physical (and) some times within seconds of seeing someone that excites you sexually.... but usually not with just the first look - it is when you allow your self to take that second or third look.... hence leaving the natural part of being human and going into the realm of lusting (which btw is not normal for anyone) - it is a habit or learned trait.
God gives us the blueprint to be attracted to another person, but he did not create lust - that came about with the down fall of mankind - our SINS.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Ok OK - you all have made me a believer..... (i think)

Now I guess my question is (prob always has been) -
Can a man that was once not satisfied with just one woman due to his own past issues and fight with sexual addiction really be satisfied with just one now.... after he has decided to change (and is showing progress)?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.

I would be NICE to hear from the MEN on this one too - for who else can give good advice on the male species than one of their own.... you can post on here or PM me in private with your opinion, if you like.


LoVe,
Rhaposdy -

we have so few men here at pc that you might have to PM them directly so that they know to check this thread.

However Rhap - wouldn't it make sense to discuss your H specifically, rather than keep the questions so general? Every man is different, and even if 100% od the men here at PC give the 'right' answers, it doesn't mean that your H will ever feel the same way. I almost think it is setting your relationship up with a dangerous precendent for you to feel reassured about 'men' if you are trying to regain your trust of your H specifically.

I am on my cell phone so please forgive me if I missed an important point, ok?