[Monty_girl]

I had know idea where to put this, so here it be.

I don't know why all of a sudden, but it's hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm wanting a baby. I'm 33, be 34 in Oct and I don't have any children. My husband and I have been married a LONG time. Been together since the age of 17. ( Hubby is 4 days older ) We had said that we didn't want children and I would have a risky pregnancy, so we said no children. But I think I changed my mind now. Problem is how do I tell hubby???? It's not like I can say I'll get pregnant next month or anything. I have serval medications that I would have to come off of and be off of for awhile before I could even think of becoming pregnant.

Lisa

[Sabrina]

Oh my goodness, I have no advice to give you, but I was touched by your post. I have a son but elected not to have any more children after many years of thinking about it.

I wish I could offer advice but I don't know what to say .... just wanted to offer my support!

It is not an easy decision. But it might be best to be open about it, so it doesn't gnaw at you. Discuss it with him so that you can both talk about what it entails, how he feels about having a child now (he might have changed his mind?), how the fact you will be off your meds will 'affect' you etc.

And/or how about talking to your T first, provided you are seeing one?

[Rhapsody]

YES.... I would say to tell your husband about this new feeling of yours and then take it from there - for I am afraid that if you do not tell him that you might grow to resent him for something he knew nothing about.... and how can he help - if he does not know?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Lexicon78]

I think a lot of us have this feeling. I know I would love to have kids, but I know I couldn't handle it at all.

If you think it would be too dangerous for you to come off the meds and would be too risky I'd say maybe it wouldn't be a good idea.

This is your choice so it's up to you!

[Maven]

I definitely agree with telling your husband about your desires. He may have changed his mind, and how awful would it be if years from now, you found out he'd changed his mind, too, and neither of you spoke up, and it's too late? Yes, there's a good chance he hasn't changed his mind, but there is a chance that he'll consider it. I know it's scary, but at least you won't keep wondering.

There's nothing wrong with changing your mind, and there's nothing wrong with him not changing his. Obviously, it's a problem, though, if you don't share the same desire. If he refuses, you have to decide if you can go through life without children. If not, it might mean breaking up your relationship, but you have to do what is best for you. I hope it works out for you.

As for meds, talk to your doctor about it and research it. Don't make assumptions based on fear. It might be more possible and less dangerous than you think to go off the meds to have a baby.

[Monty_girl]

Well we talked last night. He knew something was on my mind cause I was quiet yesterday. So no baby. He made some really good points. He doesn't think I could emotionally or physically handle a baby. Emotionally I think I could. But he's right physically it would be a nightmare. He said look you can hardly even walk around today. I have MS and a heart murmur, along with digestive problems. Plus all my mental problems. He asked how I would feel if something happened to the baby. Would I be able to handle a sick child? And then if something happened to me, he doesn't know how he would deal with a sick wife. He said he would feel guilty about it.

But he said if I still feel the same in a couple of years we could look into adoption or becoming foster parents. So he did leave the door open.

Lisa

[desirae]

Your clock is ticking, it's typical around your age. It's nature telling you it's time to conceive and have a child.

Personally, I think if you want a baby, and your willing to sacrifice and alter many things in your life then you should tell your husband it's time for you and that you've had a change of heart. Who knows, maybe he has changed his decision on having children as well, you'll never know unless you discuss this with him.

Children are beautiful, and they are worth the sacrifices and life changing, if you want this then do it.....your the woman I think if you want this that bad then your husband should at least listen open minded.

Good Luck hun, let us know what happens.

[Maven]

It's great that your husband left the door open. But he's right...you have to make sure you can be there emotionally, physically, and financially for a child. You shouldn't have a baby simply because you want one. You have to do what would be best for the child. You also have to take your husband's feelings into consideration.

You also have to make sure you really want a child, that it's not just the fact that you're getting older, so you'll have fewer chances. Despite the way society makes it out to be the best thing in the world to have a baby, there are a lot of parents who regret their decision to have one, or another one.

[Jenn1fer82]

I'm glad that you were able to talk to your husband about this and he was willing to listen. I suggest that maybe you should look within yourself and ask why have you had this yearning to have a child. You've lived with these health complications for awhile now and I'm sure your doctor have told you about the complications about having a child. May I ask you if your yearning to have a child is to fill in some void? Instead of focusing on wanting to have this child but ask yourself why do you want to bear a child into this world, what are your intentions? I'm living with seizures and my driver liscense have been taken away from me, I now live by asking others for ride, I'm not able to work or to go to the school for the mean time. I look out to my surroundings and I so yearn to be normal, to be part of the crowd instead of the one who is looking in. I know my complications is nothing compared to yours but I know what it means that our health complications determines how our day will be to the next day. So please dont simply disregard about your idea of having a child. Maybe physically it may not be best but ask yourself why emotionally do you want a child, what are your intentions? Is it to fill in a emotionally void of not being able to be like so many other woman who can so easily have a child? Is it that you're hoping to carry a child so that you may not have to think about your health complications and for the first time instead of living by medications and complications you can live for something so fragile and innocent, such as a child? Could it also be that by having a child it can help you to feel alive and to even have another person care for you? So please ask yourself these questions and understand yourself even more. I wish you the best.

[Monty_girl]

I feel like I'm missing out on not having a baby. That having a baby will being extra joy into my life. And I think my husband is right when he say's we should adopt or be foster parents. I think it would just hurt him so much if something happened to me or the baby. He's made a really good point.

Lisa

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS )))))))) - just remember that MOTHERHOOD comes in all forms and ways...... as well as the LoVe of a FATHER.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -