[doggiedo]

Mom: so, you doing any online dating lately?
Me: nope. I have no desire to say. I just want to do my own thing.
Mom: oh, we'll, talked to your aunt today and she suggested this xyz website.
Me: Ooookay, mom.
Mom: I'm just afraid you're getting "too used" to being alone.
Me: NA, I just want to do my own thing.
Mom: you're getting older and I worry for you.

I have only been single for 2months. IAM doing online dating, but I don't tell her bc she immediately wants to know if/when I'm getting married for goodness sake! And, all she wants is grand kids...get over it. Give me some space! Just bc my brother disowned the family, doesn't mean I get all the questions and third degree.

It's as simple as, I don't think I want to date right now. I have no desire to. Why can't she understand that? She has been married to my dad for. The past 38 years, so she doesn't know what it's like! I feel myself distancing myself from her bc she's too much! I know she means well, but come on! I HAVE said stuff to her before. She knows she is crossing the line.

[NoCake]

How do you know that she knows? She may be so drunk on the idea of grandkids that she's not even thinking about what she's doing. Maybe you should sit down and have a conversation about it.

[doggiedo]

She knows because I have had this conversation with her more than once. My counselor has said before that I have to pick my battles. She's not going to change but I can change my reaction to her. I just don't know how to do that.

[hamster-bamster]

Doggie, conversations disappear into thin air. Write her an email and if she later gets going again, just refer her back to the email. Plus, written word has more weight.

[doggiedo]

Yea, I could do that. She tends to obsess about everything. I know if I email her, she'll keep the email and reread it forever! Ad she'll never get he purpose, learn where I'm coming from, and move on. I'm afraid o morally wounding her...as she's a very sensitive person.

Would it make it better or worse? Idk

[hamster-bamster]

Oh, then that is really a tough call. But if you know she will reread the email forever, maybe you can work on making it extra corteous, extra polite, yet extra clear.

[Leed]

Why don't you start the e-mail out like "Mom, you know I love you more than life itself, BUT I need space." etc.etc.etc.

[LookingforCalm]

I totally understand. I'm not that close to my mother, but she is worried that I'm too independent. She says she's proud of me, but always asks if I'm with someone. She even brought up my little sister to feel like she needs to be with someone, because that's all my mother knows. My mother was remarried 5 months after the divorce.

Some people simply don't understand, and you can't fault her for that. While I understand that it's frustrating, and more than likely you'll never get her to see "your side".

Just be honest with her. Tell her that you're not ready for a relationship, and that anything now wouldn't be one. She may not understand it, but it's honest. And if she keeps probing, tell her to stop. Tell her you don't want to rush into a relationship for the sake of being in one, and that you want to be smart about who you choose so you can be happy for a long time.

Good luck! We're in the same boat, love!