Relationship on the rocks

Hi Im new to the forum, didn't know where else to come for help and advice. Its all my fault my relationship with my partner feels shaky. I have been with him nearly 10 months and I've put him through alot.
He got so angry with me a few nights ago because of my jealousy. It's really bad, I get these crazy thooughts in my head that he is cheating on me or is going to fall in love with someone else and the poor guy has done nothing wrong but support me.
I had a psychotic break and admitted myself int hospital in November, which really freaked him out. I was so off the planet. He has stuck by me though.
He is a fair bit older than me Im 23 and he is 39 and when I get jealous he keeps saying well I can really see the age difference now.

He is still angry with me and is talking to me really short and snapping at me sometimes, and when I tell him I dont like to be talked to that way he says well you expect everything to be fine and dandy? I will forgive you in my own time.

Its like the thing I absolutely fear most, as in losing him, I am causing myself. Now I am anxious all the time worried what he thinks of me. We were really close up until a few weeks ago. We would do everything together.

What can I do? I think I need to give him some space, I am at home all day, dont have many friends and I get so bored.
I start a new job on Thursday, Im just hoping I can meet some friends there and give the poor guy a break. I feel awful about it all. I love him so much.

Everything is ok for now as he said if I wanted you out he would have kicked me out, but I just feel we're so distant at the moment.

Please any advice would be great.

It sounds like he's still adjusting. Actually, I think what would help the best is for you to make sure to get in therapy and stay in it. You don't say what your diagnosis was, but if it is schizophrenia, even they can benefit from it. And also work with your psychiatrist about taking meds.
Obviously, being so jealous is not a healthy behavior for any relationship, and you need to get at the heart of that, too, I think.

Meanwhile, if you are okay with the distance at the moment, by getting busy with a job and new friends and not expecting him to be your all in all, I think that would also help. Everyone needs some space in a normal relationship from time to time, I believe.

Unfounded jealousy is basically psychosis (a delusion that consumes you). Are you taking anti-psychotics?

That is completely irrelevant.

Yeah but that's not the most respectful thing to say to someone either. I'm sure there are better ways for him to have made his concerns known.

Hey there....I know all too well what jealousy can do to a relationship. My husband and I have been together for 8yrs now and I have put him through hell. We can't walk through a mall, drive down the street, watch TV/Movies. I have a fear of every woman. It is hell living in fear like that because there is no way you can avoid it. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (and many other disorders), but in Borderline, a person has abandoment issues. They are scared that they are going to lose the person they care about the most and sometimes we end up pushing that person away...as if to say, I am going to protect myself from any possible chance of being hurt. My husband always mentioned that looking back, when things were really great between us and with every milestone in our relationship (moving in, engagement, wedding, etc...), my symptoms became more and more apparent. I was just diagnoses about 2 1/2 years ago. Recently, stress has caused me to relapse big time. I never truly healed myself, but with intensive therapy and meds, I have been able to "manage" my symptoms. But sometimes, my meds stop working and I have to find another combo of meds and start all over again. I tend to have rages when I feel threatened. I feel awful afterwards. Maybe you and your boyfriend should seek help from a qualified therapist. My husband out of desperation to save our marriage has just recently decided to attend therapy with me, so he can gain a better understanding of this condition. As a means for him to know that my actions are not a personal attack on his character, but based on my irrational fears. Good luck!

I thought of BPD as well. Thanks for mentioning it.