[gizmodorkz]

I met my boyfriend in March 2012 when his band started playing at my work. We met and became acquaintances. By May, we started talking and started to like each other. Coincidently, we were both nearing the end of our previous relationships. We they ended, we got serious. We have been dating almost 8 months now. The girl dated before me was almost a year. They broke up 5 times during that relationship. (Let’s call her Cal.) When he and I started dated, he would talk about how she never appreciated him, and that he never wanted her back because she was kind of crazy. And when I’d mention about him wanting her back, he’d tell me that it took everything just to get rid of her.
I had always had a suspicion of her intentions. Well, I busted them cheating on me in October. We broke up for a while, and then we decided to work things out. (Please don’t lecture me on this part, I already know the chances I’m taking.) I told him to block her number, block her on Facebook, and never to talk to her again. He’s still friends with all his Ex’s, and I’ve met them and they are awesome people. I don’t have a problem with them. Just Cal, because he cheated on me with her.
Well, she keeps showing up and the places he plays at and also his favorite bar, which I go with him to all the time. She just won’t stop! I am at my wits end! I don’t know what to do anymore. Either I beat her butt! (Which I don’t want to lower myself to that level) Or I leave him because I can’t take her showing up all the time trying to seduce him.
I have said something to him about her showing up and his gigs (he’s a musician). He had told her not to show up, but she still does it anyway. I have even told him I didn’t even want him to talk to her. But if she shows up they still say Hi to each other. It drives me crazy because I feel like that is letting her know that her actions are okay. When I try to explain this to him, he just tells me that he can’t control what she does and that she shows up. And I’m not moving on and I keep bringing up the past and that I shouldn’t let her see that it bothers me. Well, I feel like I can’t move on or heal if she keeps showing up everywhere. It does bother me, and I’m either going to blow up on her (which I do NOT want to lower myself to that level) or break up with him because I cannot take her showing up to his work or hangout places because I feel like she is playing a game. She knows that she got him once, and I feel like she thinks by keep showing up she can get him again.
I know that he is genuinely sorry and he really has done everything I have asked him. He has done everything he can to prove that to me. Everything I’ve told him to do, he has done. Except when Cal shows up at places and him not telling her to F**k off! That is the only thing that bothers me that I feel like I could trust him again if he would just do that for me. PLEASE HELP!!!

[optimize990h]

Hello gizmo dorks! Welcome to PsychCentral! I hope someone here at PC can provide you with good advice you are comfortable with. I believe that you have the answer within yourself. Although it may be difficult to accept, often I understand that all the facts are there. You may have the choices to deal with the whole situation and your feelings among the thoughts you had. In writing a post about it, you have started to find/ develop a care plan. Others will offer you suggestions as well. This will help sort out the plan.

My point is that you know yourself the best. Take care.

[cybermember]

You seem to be putting all the blame on Cal when it took two to tango in the first place. I say dump him. Find someone who will respect you ALWAYS not after they already disrespected you. But if you like drama then by all means stay.

[Confusedinomicon]

He can't tell her to leave the venue and expect her to. It's a public space and he has no control over her appearances.

I agree w/Cyber though. Trust can be hard to recover.

[pogar246]

You cant control people or what they do. And if you are not happy, or the situation makes you uncomfortable/aggitated why do you choose to stay? You are creating your own drama. If you think you can tell people how to behave and they will listen you are wrong. Relationships are two sided. If your boyfriend chooses not to give up his friendship with his ex that is his choice. If you dont like it you need to deal with it on your own circumstances. He is an individual. Not a dog that you can train to behave on your terms.

[jcl76]

This was something that was hard to accept for me but once they do it once and you forgive them and take them back, it only tells them its ok to do. This is just my opinion but by tolerating it only inhibits their behavior?

Any one else confirm this?