[LiteraryLark]

My best friend of eight years has recently moved out for the first time, and I feel that she is growing up without me. We don't laugh at the same jokes we used to, and she takes on several classes plus work and is trying to find a second job, and I can only handle one job and am still living with my parents. She can hardly find time in my schedule to see me, but she hangs out with certain friends quite often. She is my only friend that I can confide to, but the other day when we were out eating dinner, she told me we have nothing in common anymore.

I don't know what to do, it doesn't feel like we're best friends anymore and I feel like we are going to see each other less and less until we never speak anymore. I don't know how to rekindle a friendship, when clearly I am the one who is lagging behind in the maturity level, and it's not that I'm immature, it's just that I don't have as much experience as she does. How do I rekindle a friendship?

[Leed]

Well, everyone matures at their own rate, and she may just be going a little faster than you are. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's too bad if she's maturing too fast. Stay young as long as you can, and ACT your age as long as you can! You'll be old all too soon -- just ask me. LOL

She will probably be sad someday soon that she "left you behind." Her new friends are probably shallow and materialistic. So many young people are these days. Not all of them, but I've been around ALOT of young people, and I'm amazed at the way parents have raised their kids (or NOT raised their kids). Most young people I've been around don't know the REAL meaning of a "best friend." In fact I don't think they know the real meaning of friendship at all! Girls/young women are so two-faced, and back-biting -- it amazes me how they'll stab each other in the back over a young man! I never ever thought of doing a thing like that to my best friend or ANY friend. You just don't do those kinds of things.

I don't know how you can rekindle this friendship if she thinks you don't have anything in common. What does she do that you don't do? What does she want? What does she expect? You should NOT have to change yourself for HER sake. You are fine just the way you ARE. You are GOOD ENOUGH just as you are! Never change for anyone's sake. I'm sure there is someone else "out there" that will make a much BETTER friend to you than this girl. And I'm sure you can find this person, whomever it may be. I wish you the very best my friend. God bless you and just be YOU. Hugs, Lee

[LiteraryLark]

I'm guessing you are a man, because you clearly know nothing about women and friendship.

She's taking on adult responsibilities and I'm not there yet, she's not hanging with materialistic friends or backstabbing girls over a guy.

I've been friends with her for eight years, but she has more experience than me in regards to jobs, college, and boyfriends. I find it harder to relate to her now.

[unaluna]

Leed, I'm speechless. And sorry! And laughing. I'm really sorry for that! You work so hard on your responses, you really didn't deserve that.

Everybody in this thread deserves a hug and a do-over... deep breaths

[shezbut]

DrSkipper,

In my experience, it isn't uncommon for friendships to fall apart. People grow and change ideas at different rates of speed.

A few years ago, I lost a very dear friend (of 30 years!) when we just had nothing whatsoever in common anymore. I have been absolutely devastated by this loss!! My old friend is a very friendly, outgoing, well-adjusted, decent career woman who has grown into a wealthy, happily married mom. The only quality that we still share is that we're both moms. However, we have different perspectives on parenting as well (due to our very different childhoods). I have always loved my old friend to pieces and probably always will.

You may need to back off a little bit for awhile. Let your friend continue to grow. You'll grow too, it's okay. Just send a card to her, telling her that you're thinking about her or wish a happy birthday, and let it be. I'd say that she'll reciprocate if she still cares about you. When times become less hectic for her, maybe she'll want to spend some time with you just hanging out or meeting with sig others.

Just take a few deep breaths, it will become easier to accept as time passes and you develop new interests to explore with other people. You will develop new friendships, with those who share similar interests and experiences. It is hard to let go sometimes. But that's something that everyone has to learn to do some time in our lives.

Gentle hugs to you...

[shezbut]

(((Lee)))

I'm sorry that your post was misunderstood. I think that you're always a terrific supporter to others. Really!

hugs for everyone here i dont think you are losing her but rather that your lives are going through some changes and it takes a while for both of you until your friendship adapts to the new situation. are you still talking over skype or email? when i finished high school i grew apart from two friends i was very close to. we tried very hard to make it work but we realized that we were leading three extremely different lives and once high school was over we had nothing in common anymore except memories. it was depressing and i thought it was my fault that i didnt try to make it work. it was discouraging to lose touch but it forced me to find new friends. i met new people who were more like me. im sorry for what you are going through. i think we can all relate. hugs

[studentofthegame]

i've gone through periods of years without seeing certain people. in some cases we carry on as we left off, in other cases it's akward and not the same.

it's pretty normal to grow apart then come back together later on so don't worry. in the mean time concentrate on bettering yourself and persuing your own personal goals. that way when you catch up with people later on you can share your progress and you won't feel left behind.

try and have a bit of trust in the process i think true friends are there for life, and they stand the test of time and periods without seeing each other. i'm going through those periods now in fact with a couple of friends. one in particular right, i don't like the circle of people he knocks around with, i don't get on too well with his g/f or his situation. i haven't seen him for 2-3 years and it may be another 2,3, 5, 10 years til we hang out again, i don't know. but it'll happen one day.

BTW there's a line from [i think] the Bhagavad Gita [spelling?] - lift the self by the self, never let the self droop down, 'cause i am my only friend, i am my only enemy.

[Leed]

Hankster -- I'm glad I provided some humor for your day. Always trying to please.

[unaluna]

I'm sorry - I apologize to both Dr Skipper and to Leed. I was way out of line. And I apologize to the plenary.

[Leed]

You know, when someone is struggling, remarks such as those don't help matters at all. You might think before you speak. Just because I post often, doesn't mean I'm not struggling.

I do appreciate the apology.

[LiteraryLark]

I went over to her new place last night, and it was very awkward. We hardly talked, neither of us laughed at each others' jokes, and I was so restless during the movie that I wanted to go home. I feel so different from her, that she's moved on and I'm left behind. I feel like if I could work more jobs, be as good at school as she was and had my own place, I'd be able to relate to her more.

But she really is my only friend. I have two other friends, but they're very needy emotionally and financially. I feel like my real friends are the ones I've created inside, that I don't even belong to reality.

[shezbut]

(((DrSkipper)))

I am sorry ~ it sounds like a very distressing experience.

Gentle hugs to you...

[AAAAA]

We all have different roads to travel. I got married and had my children very young. My best friend for many years decided to share with me the fact she thought I was an idiot for getting pregnant and having my second child. I was "finally doing something with my life" and now it would be put on hold. She was referring to the fact I was in college. We did not speak for many years after that. Then a few years ago she friend requested me on FB. She wrote me a long heartfelt message (although she did not remember what it was that seperated us to begin with). She was now married with children of her own and understood where I was at all those years ago. It was like we'd never stopped talking. Unfortunately this past November made me re-evaluate my friends list and she didn't make the cut.

Right now is the time for you to spread your wings a little bit and find some new friends. You and your old friend may be back on the same page another day, but today is not that day.