[extremebipolar1]

my bf is an alcoholic and tonight got verbally abusive with me. I am completely overwhelmed. He's a great person when he's sober. how can I help him?

[Leed]

There is NO WAY you can help an alcoholic until HE helps himself. Unless he wants to stop more than anything else in the world, there is NOTHING you can do for him. NOTHING. All the crying, begging, pleading, bargaining in the world won't get him to stop.

He won't stop until he has lost everything, which includes his job, his home, money, car, license, and YOU. Then and only then will he MAYBE quit. He might hit bottom --- but unfortunately some NEVER hit bottom, and die.

I hope he's not one of them. Your best bet is to walk away until he can get sober. And THEN wait until he has at least a year under his belt, because he will be told NOT to enter into any relationship until he's got a year clean/sober. Then perhaps you two can start over. It will be difficult, but you might make it.

I wish you the best. But you'll do him a favor if you walk away. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

I am sorry that happened. Once he sobers up, hopefully you will feel strong enough to tell him that type of behavior is unacceptable and you will not be around him when he is drinking.

Unfortunately, alcoholism is a very complex disease and there is nothing you can do to change it. He has to want to change it and get help for himself.

You may also want to go to your local Al Anon meeting to gain more knowledge and perspective. moreover to get input and support. They are tremendously helpful and informative, safe places.

Please let us know how you are doing and keep posting. We are here and care. Hugs.

[LovelaceF]

Originally Posted by extremebipolar1

my bf is an alcoholic and tonight got verbally abusive with me. I am completely overwhelmed. He's a great person when he's sober. how can I help him?

If you stay with a person who has abused you, then that person will have no reason to treat you well in the future. There must be a consequence for unacceptable behaviour or it will not stop.

You can help your boyfriend by giving him an ultimatum that you will not allow this treatment again. If it does happen again, leave him immediately without a second thought.

Good luck!

[KittyKay]

I am sorry that happened. Once he sobers up, hopefully you will feel strong enough to tell him that type of behavior is unacceptable and you will not be around him when he is drinking.

Unfortunately, alcoholism is a very complex disease and there is nothing you can do to change it. He has to want to change it and get help for himself.

You may also want to go to your local Al Anon meeting to gain more knowledge and perspective. moreover to get input and support. They are tremendously helpful and informative, safe places.

Please let us know how you are doing and keep posting. We are here and care. Hugs.

+1 agree totally - you must walk away when he is yelling and screaming - nothing will be accomplished except more frustration and anger. Then, when he is calm, either write it down or just tell him in a quiet voice that you will not stand for it. Good luck and hugs

[hamster-bamster]

I think an alcoholic boyfriend is too high maintenance for anybody, and since you are bipolar, for you especially (it is not that you need extra trouble, right?), and since it has already morphed into verbal abuse, you might as well cut the losses now and leave.