I should know better

Hello everyone,

I am in a relationship with a guy and we are both undergraduates. We are both older than the average undergraduate (29 (me) and 34). I am writing this and I feel kind of stupid because I feel like I know better, but there is something that bugs me.

I may have an offer to do research in another state during the summer for 10 weeks. I don't really want to leave my university to do research somewhere else, but he says it is a good opportunity for me. What bugs me is that he doesn't seem like he will miss me. I know that I should be happy that he wants to support me and he wants me to have these opportunities, but I just feel sad. I really don't like the idea that he is okay with me being gone so long. But I know I am just being stupid. I should be happy that he is happy for me, but instead I'm just depressed.

Well, that is understandable. Basically, you want two things: 1) His support of your doing research, and, 2) His missing you.

You got one and not the other, so you are sad and depressed.

The good thing is that he is supportive. I think this is great. But it is disconcerting that he appears indifferent with regards to the length of your stay in another state.

So you are well within your right to be a little unhappy.

Has he offered to visit you for the Independence Day weekend?

I was in the opposite situation many years ago. He missed me very much but did not support me. It did not turn out well, marriage-wise. So you definitely want BOTH.

Thinking on the other side of the fence, I wonder if he's putting a brave face on so its easier for you to concentrate on your studies? He may not want to upset you, or make you pull out of a good opportunity if you think he will be upset? Its the kind of thing my other half would do.

Hugs

If that is the case, OP can propose a get-together on the 4th of July herself, to gauge the. Degree of his eagerness to meet mid-summer.