[Yumiosho]

My boyfriend of a year and a few months( not to mention he has been my best friend for years) cheated on me. He did not even let me know. I found out from a girl who messaged me and he claimed that it was just a rumor. If I had not gone and talked to the girl then he would have kept it a secret. He then confessed to what he had done and seems truly upset and guilty about it. He said he didn't want to hurt me and lose me because telling me would. However, he says he will change, get help, do everything, and anything to be with me. I want to believe him yet it is hard right now. He is a good guy but he can be overly friendly and I don't want to be back with him if he does the same thing again. My friends all tell me no but if he is being honest you couldn't find a better guy than him. Any suggestions? :/

[Leed]

Hi ~ Did you ask him WHY he cheated? What drove him to cheat? Was there something lacking in the relationship that he had to find elsewhere? You need to ask more questions.

It has always proved true to me that once a cheat, always a cheat, especially if the woman "forgives" him. I supposed you can forgive him once, but if he EVER does this again, NEVER get back with him.

Personally, I'd dump him now and not give him a chance to do it again. I just do NOT put up with cheating. I figure that if he can't deal with me the way I AM, I'm certainly not going to change for ANY man. If he liked me at first the way I was, what's wrong with me now? See what I mean?

But whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Originally Posted by Yumiosho

My friends all tell me no but if he is being honest you couldn't find a better guy than him. :/

Better than what? He's a cheat. Sorry, am being blunt and probably unfair, but I find it hard to forgive cheats.

I would, like Leed said, find out why he did it. I think I would've felt better if he'd told you himself straight away, and certainly not lied to cover it up when it first came to light. As for forgiveness, that's really up to you, its not a decision anyone can make for you. Listen to your gut feelings? I find they are rarely wrong.

Hugs to you, and am so sorry that you're going through this. So very hard.

[tinyrabbit]

It's not true that once a cheat always a cheat. It depends on the situation. But it's also not true that you couldn't find a better guy. You could. You deserve better.

[Aiuto]

I think betrayal is hard because you can forgive but hard to forget.The trust is gone and it would take some hard work and therapy to get trust back.

[LovelaceF]

In my experience, overly friendly guys are more prone to cheating.

[Perna]

If you want to be with him, I would see if he can live up to his word and not do it again, can work to regain your trust (by not being so friendly with girls on his own and introducing you to those he knows when you are together, etc.). I would set a boundary, tell him you don't want to hear any other rumors and you expect him to work out how to regain your trust. If he is mature enough to figure that out (I think most young guys think being sorry is the same thing, buying a gift to "make it up"), knows what emotional/relationship trust is and how he broke it and how to go about mending it, then there's hope for him.

But only you can decide if you want to be with him enough to take a chance on his not being mature or interested enough to be in relationship with you; you cannot "predict" that behavior I don't think, it is up to him to change or not.