Just how evil would I be if I told my boyfriend of 3+ years, who's been looking forward to seeing me again since he left town on sunday (long distance), that I want to be alone since I'm depressed? Does it make matters worse that I haven't told him I'm contemplating suicide even though we're supposed to move in together this summer? He's nothing but kind and I'm nothing but depressed and unstable, so you can see how my conscience is taking its toll on me. I just feel like I can't deal with his presence, it's too much. Should I tell him or not? I think he would be devastated if I did. Sorry for the bad vibes.

[LovelaceF]

Not evil at all.

Please do talk to a professional about how you're feeling, though. I don't think it would hurt to tell your boyfriend that you're feeling low, but maybe you should let him visit anyway?

[hamster-bamster]

Well... you are in Norway which is supposed to boast one of the most progressive mental health systems in the world. Why are you not in some sort of professional care?

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Well... you are in Norway which is supposed to boast one of the most progressive mental health systems in the world. Why are you not in some sort of professional care?

Supposed being the key word here. I've been one of the lucky ones, or maybe I was just on the top of their list of lunatics in need of therapy. I am in professional care, but they can only do so much.

Originally Posted by LovelaceF

Not evil at all.

Please do talk to a professional about how you're feeling, though. I don't think it would hurt to tell your boyfriend that you're feeling low, but maybe you should let him visit anyway?

Do you think that would be a good idea? I might snap at him or drag him down with me.

[Atypical_Disaster]

You're not evil. You're just going through a lot. Not wanting to be around people when you're severely depressed is quite understandable.

If it were me, I'd just tell him what's actually going on. Hiding it might make matters worse in the long run.

Good luck.

[hamster-bamster]

If you are in professional care, you should let the boyfriend know that you are in professional care for depression. You do not have to go into details unless you want to.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

If you are in professional care, you should let the boyfriend know that you are in professional care for depression. You do not have to go into details unless you want to.

He knows about the therapy and he knows a good deal about my problems... He just doesn't know that I often wish he wasn't there, that I'd rather be alone sometimes when he desperately wants to be with me. I do love him though.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by AndreC

He knows about the therapy and he knows a good deal about my problems... He just doesn't know that I often wish he wasn't there, that I'd rather be alone sometimes when he desperately wants to be with me. I do love him though.

1) you wish he were not with you
2) you would rather be alone

Do not phrase it in terms of (1). Phrase it in terms of (2).

[Harley47]

You're not evil for that Andre, not at all. If he loves you, he'd understand that you need some time to work things out. Nothing wrong with that. Evil, while difficult in and of itself to define, certainly isn't this.

It might help to tell him...I trust he would be supportive of you. Just do be cautious of how...phrasing helps. Hamster gave you good advice there. Ultimately, you don't want it to seem as though his presence is unwanted. You want it to be thought of as you needing time to work on you, which is what it is. The same point can be taken a hundred different ways with the swap of a word.

Please stay safe, and keep us updated. Know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Harley

[LovelaceF]

Originally Posted by AndreC

Do you think that would be a good idea? I might snap at him or drag him down with me.

I doubt that you would drag him down with you, especially if you reach out to him and tell him how you're feeling.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by LovelaceF

I doubt that you would drag him down with you, especially if you reach out to him and tell him how you're feeling.

Right. Depression is not quite like flu. Not as easily spread to family and friends.

Originally Posted by Harley47

You're not evil for that Andre, not at all. If he loves you, he'd understand that you need some time to work things out. Nothing wrong with that. Evil, while difficult in and of itself to define, certainly isn't this.

It might help to tell him...I trust he would be supportive of you. Just do be cautious of how...phrasing helps. Hamster gave you good advice there. Ultimately, you don't want it to seem as though his presence is unwanted. You want it to be thought of as you needing time to work on you, which is what it is. The same point can be taken a hundred different ways with the swap of a word.

Please stay safe, and keep us updated. Know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Harley

Thank you!

I woke up today and decided I would not feel better if I told him not to come. So I sent a text message saying that I was unusually depressed and wouldn't be fun to be around, and that I do feel like being alone but that I'd rather he came here if he still wants to be here even though I'm in a bad mood. He's going to come today and focus on studying, he was very supportive.

Edit: And now he just got a job interview at the largest and best hospital in town!

[hamster-bamster]

I hope he ggets the job