is he cheating?

Hi all

just wanted some thoughts from others. Got married the end of last year and i think he is cheating. found messaged (numerous) to other women and they are sexually explicit.
He is the love of my life and i don't know what to do
he left his partner to be with me and he said that he finally went because she kept accusing him of cheating so he did
i just dont know what to do

Hmm. I wonder if his ex was right. I'd certainly want to know what those messages were all about. Of course he'd accuse you of snooping because you got into his phone messages. But when a woman suspects her husband of cheating, she's usually right, so I don't blame you for snooping into his phone messages. I'm sure he doesn't have a GOOD excuse for those messages. There isn't a GOOD excuse for them.

Talk to him about it. Then suggest that you two go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you need it. (well, HE needs it) I wish you the very best. Let us know how things turn out. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

What he said about leaving his other love because she kept thinking he was cheating is scary to me. I don't know that he is, but remember that a man who will cheat on one woman will cheat on another.

I agree. See if the two of you will go into counseling. If not, then go yourself.

Communication is the key! You need to talk. Good luck!

I think relationships these days are difficult for anyone because of texting and the internet. It leads to way too much temptation. The potential problem that may now exist for both of you is trust. Will you trust him because of his past and these new found messages? Will he trust you in the future??

I'm assuming that he was seeing you while he was with his partner... If this is the case then why would you assume that he wouldn't cheat on you? A cheater is a cheater...

I think it is something that you should address with him, and I think marital counseling would be good... Make sure that he accepts responsibility for his actions..

Hi H731,
Your husband's track record isn't exactly confidence-inspiring. You know how they say 'once a cheater, always a cheater'? Sadly, it tends to be true.

Like the other posters, I'd advise you two try to talk it out, first between yourselves - then, if that doesn't work, try marriage counseling. Through all this you have to keep in mind one thing, though: it takes two to make a marriage work. Make sure your husband is willing to and can follow through with his commitment to you. I know it hurts to hear this, but consider all your options very carefully and if it really isn't working out in the end, do whatever it takes to protect yourself physically and emotionally.

Good luck and God bless

Pretend for a moment that he WAS cheating. What would you do? Some women would turn a blind eye, and others would want the cheating to stop. If he is cheating, then there is a very good chance that he will not stop, or if he does, that he will start again soon. Does that change your feelings? If you turn a blind eye, will you insist on protecting yourself from disease? Would he accept that? Could you live in a marriage in which you share your husband with countless other unknown women?

I have always subscribed to the belief that once a cheater always a cheater. I've been cheated on before and felt like an idiot for no seeing the signs. Had I realized sooner I would have ended it, she was a ***** 90% of the time anyway so angry.
You def have to talk to him. If you don't its going to consume you. You'll think abt it every time he's alone. Are they texts or emails? Could it be like a porn chat thing, then it's just a fantasy at least. But you def need to confront him regardless. How can you trust him if you don't.

Doesn't sounds good to me. Don't turn a blind eye on this you really need to sit down and find out what's going on here.

I agree with the advice given that you need to talk to him. There is zero reason why he should be sending sexually explicit messages to anyone who isn't you. I know it won't be an easy topic to broach, but ignoring it isn't what you want to do...I have a history of ignoring signs like that, and each and every time the truth comes to light, it's debilitating. Don't do that to yourself.

Please know you're in my prayers, and I wish you all of my best.

Hugs,
Harley