[Lily43]

My boyfriend and I had a great relationship. He had a lot of back issues at one point which he began to take Percocet for. The back issue put a damper on the relationship. He was out of work for a while, started to gain weight and became depressed. He was hiding the fact that he was addicted to the Percocet since they were the only thing to help with the pain. At times he was drinking while on the Percocet. It seemed that's when we got into most of our arguments and we would verbally abuse one another. There was a time I slapped him for verbally abusing me and he pushed me so hard I fell to the ground. He's apologized for these times and I understand I'm wrong too for provoking him. However, there was a time he woke during the night cursing at me. I didn't know why he was acting this way and it's like he becomes a stranger when he takes the percs and consumes alcohol. We began to fight which escalated rather quickly...the fight ended with him slapping me in the head and me calling the police. This is not like my boyfriend. I know he can have some anger issues but I would never think or expect him to take it that far. Could the drugs be the blame for this aggressive behavior or is this him showing his true colors? I left him after this all happened. It's now been a year and a half and we both still have strong feelings for each other. He is doing a lot better now, back issues are resolved and from what I know he's off the percocets for good. His career is flourishing and he seems to be the person he was before things went downhill. I would love to give him another chance but I don't know if I should be taking precaution or if this may not be something I should be getting back into. Is there a chance things may be different this time?

[Leed]

Hi dear Lily ~ I'd be very careful Lily. While he MAY be clean & free of pain, what's going to happen when he drinks? And he STILL has anger issues. Just because he's off the drugs doesn't mean that solved his anger issues.

He needs therapy for that. I'm so GLAD you left him after he hit you. No one should put their hands on another human being. You shouldn't have slapped him either. Perhaps you could use some therapy too. Violence only begets more violence. And it solves nothing! Perhaps therapy would help you choose someone who is UNLIKE this guy -- so you wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

I really don't think that going back with this man is a good idea. You left him for a good reason. The anger is still there. Find someone UNLIKE him, who will treat you with gentleness, respect and who will love you. I do think therapy might help you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Lily43]

Hi Lee, I really appreciate your response and it's a lot like other responses I've been getting from friends and family members. It's very tough because our relationship ended so drastically and I never lost the feelings I had for him even under the circumstances. I agree that therapy could be the solution but even with all the red flags I feel like there may be more to him. I know that if i get myself involved with him again this could end badly but what if we agreed to go to therapy together? He is a good guy. He's loving, devoted and caring but he can get nasty and aggresive when things escalate. The choice to not give him another chance makes it that much harder because he is everything else you could ask for in a man besides that major flaw. Could this be fixable or just part of his personality?

[H3rmit]

If it were me, I might give him another chance, as long as he's not drinking anymore. Sounds like he has alcohol problems as well.

You slapped him as well, or even first, it sounds like. Don't do that. If he would agree to no physicality from either side, then I would probably give him another chance.

But how do you really feel about it?

[Lily43]

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi dear Lily ~ I'd be very careful Lily. While he MAY be clean & free of pain, what's going to happen when he drinks? And he STILL has anger issues. Just because he's off the drugs doesn't mean that solved his anger issues.

He needs therapy for that. I'm so GLAD you left him after he hit you. No one should put their hands on another human being. You shouldn't have slapped him either. Perhaps you could use some therapy too. Violence only begets more violence. And it solves nothing! Perhaps therapy would help you choose someone who is UNLIKE this guy -- so you wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

I really don't think that going back with this man is a good idea. You left him for a good reason. The anger is still there. Find someone UNLIKE him, who will treat you with gentleness, respect and who will love you. I do think therapy might help you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Hi Lee, I appreciate your response which is pretty much the same response I've been getting from friends and family. I know the best thing I should do is stay away and I agree about seeing a therapist. The relationship ended so drastically that I never lost feelings for him. He's a good person. He's devoted, caring and loving. He's all the things you would want in a man but he has that one major flaw which is to get angry and aggressive when an argument escalates. Is there a chance that going to therapy together might help the situation? I know that no one is perfect and this particular reason should be enough not to involve myself in any type of relationship with this person but what if that can change? Or is this something that's unfixable and part of his personality?

[Travelinglady]

If you do get back together, then I suggest you date awhile and get counseling. But once hitting starts, there's no guarantee he won't do it again. In fact, once he has crossed that barrier, then it's a given he will, unless he can deal with the anger and the drinking.