[Talia111]

I always been very understanding ... now my anger and impatience irritates me ... like its not me anymore as I used to be . I met my men 2 and a hàlf years ago ... we both were married , but both unhappy . Before we met , I already made my desicion to leave my husband and already made my first move - found apartment . My men - was still living with his wife and little daughter . I was not interested in any relationship at that time . I had miserable marriage , I was scared to death to start my life from scratch , have a youngest with disability , but I made my choice ... I was telling him , that I màde my choice before , he - after he met me , and I don't want to be the one who breaks family . I was ignoring his calls, not responding on texts or e- mails , he was waiting for me after work , appearing during my lunch time, and literally standing on his knees, crying that even he just met me , he never felt anything before and he wants to be with me and only me , and he will do everything to be with me . I tried to stop him, but honestly ... fall in love with him as much as he did w me . 4 months later he moved in , without clothes or officially telling me that he did. Just start staying over 1, 2 , 3 nights and slowly extended until he was every night w me , except day time when he was at work and visiting his little daughter . We were so happy together, my kids love him , he is amazing step dad , well I don't know how else I can call him . I know that is kind if extreme, but I don't ask a lot of questions , I trust , and I can wait . One night he didn't come home as usual , and called me at 12 am, telling that he decided to tell his wife that he is in love and he wants divorce . She got mad and furious , even though all this time he wasn't at home , but she was hoping that he just having some mid age crisis , and he will eventually snap out of it, and everything will go back to normal . She run from home, left him w daughter and didn't show up all night. In the morning when she was back , she told him that she is going to her mom ( different state), and taking their daughter, nothing holds her stay here . She was in shock , I know how bad she felt , and when he told me that, I just told him - stay there, I ll be fine . He was going crazy , having panic attacks , he was not able to imagine life without me and without his daughter . He is amazing dad.... anyway ... She left , he start drinking , was angry and even I told him not to come at my house , was coming every night , drunk and bitter. Few days later, she called him and said that she will come back only if he will come back home and they will go to family counseling . I remember that morning ... my heart was breaking into little pieces , when he was looking at me , and I saw in his eyes , that he decided to go back . No words ... just knew ... and he did . I didn't call him, I didn't beg him to stay , I let him go quietly but only I know - what pain I felt ... after he left , I throw everything away , our pillows , blanket and everything what had anything to do w him . My pain its my pain - and I was going to suffer alone and didn't want anything but peace.... he didn't leave me for long , he start texting me the same night , and was telling me that he is doing for his daughter and he will do everything to show her that nothing is going to work , 24 years - didn't work , they both miserable and she just has fear to stay alone , he was doing everything ... cooking , cleaning and supporting financially - she never worked . Almost 9 months of pain... he was coming to see me , calling non stop , texting non stop , covering my car with roses , leaving money and presents ... I didn't want anything , just leave me alone . He said once - I would never leave you , do what you want , you are mine forever. Family counseling was just wasting money , nothing was working.. he knew it won't work , but he needed to prove it to his family that he did what he needed to do . 9 months later he moved back , again ... without any words , this time with his furniture and clothes . Now we are together officially , she knows he is here. He is visiting his daughter every other day , Saturday he takes her for 11 hours , but not bringing her over here anymore , his wife is against . I understand . What is making me upset right know , I am not the type if woman who needs money or anything ... I do work , I have 2 kids and I support my family myself, but it's just not right ... during this 6 months we are together he didn't even try to help me w money . My salary is quarter of what he is making , and I do understand that he needs to support his kid and her, but ... I don't understand why his wife still has complete access to his income and he has no money . I buy everything myself , I have much more expenses now , because I am making sure that he has home made lunch every day , and I am working 10 hours now , taking overtime , and I have special needs child , and it's just not right . I tried to talk about it ,he told me that his wife is not me , she is weak and always been depressed , and she needs time to adjust . If he will bring conversation about financies , she will get upset and she won't be able to take care of their daughter well, she is not a great mother anyway ... he used to do everything ... for her ... I don't know what to do .. just wait ? Or the fact that he is not supporting me it's a sigh that he is not committed to us ? Sorry for mistakes ...

[Travelinglady]

It sounds as if he is not willing to make the final cut with his wife. I know you won't want to hear this, but my suggestion is to get on with your life and not wait for him.

I never think it's a good idea to get involved with somebody who would cheat on his wife, anyway. Yes, you did get involved with him while married. But if if does end up working out, then just remember that he is the type of man who would cheat on the woman he promised to stay with "till death do us part."

Of course, it is your choice, and I know I'm being blunt. However, I couldn't deal with this situation. Is your life that much better with him? It sounds like he is taking advantage of you.

[Talia111]

Thank you for you reply Yes ... he cheated on his wife , and I do understand that he can go the same to me . I never asked him to move in , and honestly I am trying to end this nightmare every week. Without arguments, I don't like to argue ... trying to talk to him nicely about our life and that I am not happy . He knows I am not , he is asking me to wait . But wait for what ??? I understand that leaving family it's not an easy step , no matter how miserable he was with her , he lived with her , he married her , he had a child with her , and another thing ... I know about her only from what he told me , but ... who knows ... I introduce him to my big family , all family events - he is invited , I am not even talking about the fact that I let him in my kids life . And what is from his side ? I never met any of his friends - he is saying he doesn't have one, relatives live in different state but still , I never had a chance to talk to them , and I feel like I am sitting in his " closet" and it makes me feel uncomfortable . When his daughter is sick his wife doesn't want to take care of her, so she calls him and tells that he had to take her overnight . Because she is not letting him to bring his daughter over to my house he has to take her to Hotel . I know he is telling the truth , because he always texts me his room number and room ph #. Even this drives me crazy , I don't understand why she can't or how she is even let's her sick baby instead staying home be at hotel all night , while she is getting rest from her at home ... Everything in that family is weird , and I don't want to judge anyone but I just start feeling that they both have some mental issues and they are eventually will make me same way ...

[Talia111]

Life with him ? He is sweet .. he almost hypnotizing me , but honestly - life without him it's much easier ... I feel completely confident staying alone w my kids , I don't really need anyone next , if its not makes me happy . I just don't know what to do now .... it is my choice ... I feel bad for him , he looks so miserable when I am telling him to leave ... he is crying and begging me to let him stay ... I don't even know how to react , and deal with such a weak person . I am strong person but I am tired of being strong ... I gave him suggestion today to talk to his psychiatrist...

[Talia111]

One more time I would like to apologize for my broken English , few years ago I didn't speak English at all and I am still learning