[Nina Simone]

I have stopped speaking to most of my family. I'm not mad I've just chosen peace of mind. Recently I reconnected with a cousin I hadn't spoke to in years. We have dinner plans in a few days.

Here's my issue. About 12yrs ago when her mother was ill I stopped by with a friend to see her. My girlfriend stayed in the living room with my Uncle while I went upstairs with my cousin. A few years later I started hearing from other people that she was telling people my friend stole a tv from the living room. My friend is 5ft tall and wears a size "0". That day she had on a fitted outfit and was carrying a very small clutch bag. Plus my Uncle was there. When I spoke to her today about dinner she brought it up. I told her it didn't happen but she insist it did. Here is my question. Should I offer to pay her for the tv?

She says the tv was about the size of cell phone and therefore could have been put in a small purse. My girlfriend is the V.P. of H.R. for a major company and makes a very good salary. We've known each other for years and I find it hard to believe she would ever steal anything. Honestly I don't want to deal with this but I'm trying to be positive. What would you do?

[healingme4me]

I probably wouldn't offer a thing. Maybe your cousin saw money signs in her head, about your friend? 12Years later, and it's being brought up? Seems moot, at this point.

[hvert]

I would not pay for it, no. I agree -- 12 years and she hasn't gotten over this yet? If it was that small, it would be easy to lose in the couch cushions or on a train or something.

[Nina Simone]

Thanks Guys! This has weighed heavy on my heart over the last several hours. This is the same cousin who physically, sexually, mentally abused me as a child. I don't even know why I'm wading back into this fire. I thought if I could be an adult... Look into the eyes of my abuser maybe it would show how far I've come and that I was over it. This TV thing is just a weapon she's using against me. I see that now. I guess by throwing dirt on me it means what she did to me was not that bad and maybe I even deserved it.

I don't think I will ever be able to have a normal adult relationship with this person. I guess its time I stopped trying. It's so easy to get distracted by BS when the truth is really about something else.I've run and hid from this for so much of my life. In so many ways I blamed myself when I should have been loving myself.

[hvert]

Wow, I would cancel my dinner plans, even if she's buying. She sounds horrible - and she will probably use this as another attempt to manipulate you. Avoiding her isn't a sign of weakness - it's self preservation. I'm glad you are getting to a point where it's easier to see what she is doing - that's huge.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Nina Simone

What would you do?

I would tell her to PROVE IT! Or file charges if she's so sure it happened and then I would exclude that cousin from my life from now onwards.
After working on my own self esteem, I no longer allow TOXIC people into my life.
good luck guarding your peace of mind,
jim

I don't have any contact with any family, relatives, kin or family friends from my past toxic life.

BS like this is exactly why.

It's like my first therapist told me ...

Sometimes the only person we can save from the wreckage of our past is ourselves.

Cancel those plans!

See a therapist if you need help processing it!

Don't ever let anyone interfere with your healing process ever again!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!