[Twistedtulip42]

My husband is a kind, caring, extremely funny, intelligent, and hard working man. He deeply loves for and takes care of our toddler son. He works hard and helps me around the house without complaint. He openly communicates with me and earnestly listens to everything I say. Our visions of the future and goals are right in line with one another. He supports me in every way imaginable. However, my dh also has ED. Our marriage and our lives are perfect, except in this one area. He is terribly ashamed and embarrassed of this. Which is why I feel terrible expressing my feelings on the matter. I have an extremely high sex drive, and I feel like an animal in heat sometimes. I am desperate for sex. It is beginning to affect every aspect of my life including my work. We have tried everything, from doctors to therapists to foreplay to toys and anything else that might possibly come up. He has no drive. Sure, he will attempt to pleasure me if I ask him to but it is so mechanical and robotic, like a house chore that needs to be done, that I just can't get into it. I am constantly having sex dreams about random people and I wake up feeling very guilty. I am just so sad at this point and I am beginning to feel trapped. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Leed]

You said you have tried doctors. Has he had a complete medical workup? There must be some reason for this, i.e. high blood pressure, or some kind of illness or problem. What did they tell your husband? Is he on treatment for it? Has he tried the "pump" that is advertised on TV? I've heard that it works very well. It might be worth a try.

If he hasn't had the complete workup, with blood work and the whole ball of wax, make sure he does -- or at least encourage him to do so not only for the sex reason but for his general health. If he has ED, something caused it, so it's a good idea to check everything out! God bless and take care! Hugs, Lee

What Leed said. I mean it sounds as though you love him a lot and he loves you, in so many ways you seem to have a great relationship that I would think it would be worthwhile to really dig deep to figure out what is causing your husband's sexual dysfunction. I'm guessing it hasn't always been like this and if he's embarrassed by it, I imagine he might be willing to get the full work up if he hasn't already for the sake of his health and your relationship

[hamster-bamster]

You need to start be stopping to feel guilty, because that would lead to an immediate improvement in your quality of life, even with all other things being still in place.

You do not have control over his blood pressure or what not, but you do have control over feeling guilty because it is your feeling and in your mind.

So that would be the place to start. Then even if nothing else gets better, you can at least enjoy your dreams to the fullest.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Don't have a solution to your problem, but am laughing because I thought ED was eating disorder and I figured his low drive was due to starvation. Glad he doesn't have THAT on top of his ED problems!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

Don't have a solution to your problem, but am laughing because I thought ED was eating disorder and I figured his low drive was due to starvation. Glad he doesn't have THAT on top of his ED problems!

I know, this acronym stands for both and you need to know the context!

So funny, bubsmiley!

But you are actually absolutely right - I starved myself to anorexia at age 19 and I did have low drive then. So yes, you are right. This is because sex is optional for physical survival and food is not optional, so when a person is starved, the body stops running optional processes.

But I have heard of the opposite as well - I have heard of obesity causing erectile dysfunction in men. So there must be some sweet spot in-between.

[Twistedtulip42]

Originally Posted by Leed

You said you have tried doctors. Has he had a complete medical workup? There must be some reason for this, i.e. high blood pressure, or some kind of illness or problem. What did they tell your husband? Is he on treatment for it? Has he tried the "pump" that is advertised on TV? I've heard that it works very well. It might be worth a try.

If he hasn't had the complete workup, with blood work and the whole ball of wax, make sure he does -- or at least encourage him to do so not only for the sex reason but for his general health. If he has ED, something caused it, so it's a good idea to check everything out! God bless and take care! Hugs, Lee

He has samples of a prescription but doesn't take it. He has high blood pressure and the pills scare him, I think. He is going back to the doctor this Friday. We will see. Thanks for your reply.

[hamster-bamster]

I know this is taking the thread off track, but on blood pressure, if you live in a state with legal medicinal cannabis, he may want to try that, if he is scared of pills. Marijuana is pretty good in reducing blood pressure. Alcohol can raise the blood pressure and marijuana can do the opposite.

[hamster-bamster]

Exercise and a special diet called DASH (http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/publ...h/new_dash.pdf) are also very effective in reducing blood pressure without pills.

[Twistedtulip42]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

What Leed said. I mean it sounds as though you love him a lot and he loves you, in so many ways you seem to have a great relationship that I would think it would be worthwhile to really dig deep to figure out what is causing your husband's sexual dysfunction. I'm guessing it hasn't always been like this and if he's embarrassed by it, I imagine he might be willing to get the full work up if he hasn't already for the sake of his health and your relationship

I hope they do the full work up at his doctors appointment on Friday, although I am not sure what they could test that they haven't already. When we first started dating he made up for it in other ways, such that I didn't notice the erectile issues. Looking back I can tell that he 'isn't really allergic to latex' and in fact just having trouble keeping the....um....passion. He has been tested for low testosterone and the text was negative buti hope they give him some cream or something anyway.

Thanks for your input and for reading my post. Cross your fingers for me please.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Twistedtulip42

Looking back I can tell that he 'isn't really allergic to latex'

If he thought that he was allergic to latex (it does happen - it is rare, but it does happen), why did not he try polyurethane condoms?

[Twistedtulip42]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

You need to start be stopping to feel guilty, because that would lead to an immediate improvement in your quality of life, even with all other things being still in place.

You do not have control over his blood pressure or what not, but you do have control over feeling guilty because it is your feeling and in your mind.

So that would be the place to start. Then even if nothing else gets better, you can at least enjoy your dreams to the fullest.

I appreciate your advice and think you are right. I can only control my reaction to the situation, not the situation itself.

So I'll enjoy my dreams and hope that will keep my animalistic urges to a minimum. Thanks for reading my post and responding!

[Twistedtulip42]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

If he thought that he was allergic to latex (it does happen - it is rare, but it does happen), why did not he try polyurethane condoms?

Tried lamb skin then just allowed myself to not realize what was really going on.

[Twistedtulip42]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

Don't have a solution to your problem, but am laughing because I thought ED was eating disorder and I figured his low drive was due to starvation. Glad he doesn't have THAT on top of his ED problems!

Lol yes I should have specified!! You were probably thinking that I had a lot more serious of a problem than not getting laid.

[Twistedtulip42]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I know this is taking the thread off track, but on blood pressure, if you live in a state with legal medicinal cannabis, he may want to try that, if he is scared of pills. Marijuana is pretty good in reducing blood pressure. Alcohol can raise the blood pressure and marijuana can do the opposite.

I agree!! The medicinal uses of cannabis are limitless! Wouldn't it be funny if a side effect was 'erection?'

[Twistedtulip42]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Exercise and a special diet called DASH (http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/publ...h/new_dash.pdf) are also very effective in reducing blood pressure without pills.

Thank you! I will look into this right now. We splurge on some things, but are good at eating an organic, plant based diet! And I am always interested in new and healthy diets.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Twistedtulip42

I agree!! The medicinal uses of cannabis are limitless! Wouldn't it be funny if a side effect was 'erection?'

Seriously, I have very little experience with taking higher doses of cannabis because I do not use it as much (partly because it is expensive, partly because it results in sleeping without dreams and I like dreams, and partly due to my already low blood pressure - I do not want it to fall further) and when I do use, as a sleep medicine, I take tiny non-psychodelic quantities, but on three occasions when I took larger doses, it made me less inhibited, sexually, and I really liked that.

So why not try it to see if it can result in an erection? At least it is safe .

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Twistedtulip42

Thank you! I will look into this right now. We splurge on some things, but are good at eating an organic, plant based diet! And I am always interested in new and healthy diets.

I hope you like it - DASH is an evidence-based diet, not a fad diet, but something that has solid proof.