I have absolutely no idea where this post should go, so i will let the moderators decide...

I think my dad is going through a breakdown, in the last few weeks he's not been himself, hes been very quiet, snappy, vacant, and when you ask him questions he ignores you. its things like this that make me worry about him. ive tried talking to him, and all i get is a nasty response. how can i help him if he wont tell me whats wrong!?

He's drinking alot too, he was drinking before he went to work the other day, at 8:30am, and he drinks throughout the day. i took something out to the bin just a minute ago and found 4 big bottles of gin and brandy. there was a wine bottle there too, in amongst lager cans. all empty of course.

i have spoken about this issue on here before, and it looked to me as if he was getting better, but last night he was acting so strangely. he looked as if he'd been crying and he wouldnt answer me when i spoke to him.

he has a really random mood lately too, he will be in a really good mood one minute, then a few minutes later hes extremely grumpy and gets really nasty, and has an evil look in his eyes...the look he has when hes drunk!

i am sure he's began going through a breakdown of some sort, and im really worried about him. i will try and be there for him, even with a mountain of my own troubles.

im down and out myself, and to see my own father do what my mum did before she died hurts me alot. i worry that hes going to go too because of it!

my dad just came home from work, and i asked him what the matter was last night and he replied "oh i was having my monets!" in a viscous way, and i asked "what caused it, whats the matter?" to which he replied "oh i dont know!! you know what im like, its because of charlie" (my dog who died about 4 weeks ago). he has taken it so badly, i understand how upsetting it is to lose a pet, because charlie was my pet too, but its devastated my dad, is forcing him into alcoholism, hes not sleeping or eating or doing anyhitng but work anymore. he owns his own business and im worried this will affect his business too and if he looses that, he will have lost everything he has worked hard for for 15 years!

i dont know whether to keep my distance, or try and be there for him and to take the verbal abuse he sometimes gives. like i said, im going through it badly lately (due to other things, not the dog) and i cant have this around me right now. this runs in parralell with another post of mine in which i saay that i am being suffocated by negativity all around me!

i kind of wish i could be in someone elses shoes right now. walking there walk, and not mine, i just seem to be running a marathon thats never ending! im exhausted and i just want to walk away from it all. leave this place and just get far away. theres nothing keeping me here anymore. its ruins it seems!

[mrb020377]

(((((((((((((((((simon))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry about your dad... it seems to me that you are in a pretty tough spot.. thinking about you... keep your self as safe as you can ok?????
we are here for you

[Liv28]

((((((((((SIMPLY SIMON))))))))))) I wish you could leave too..go to the place you told me you wanted to go to..was it Prague?? I can't remember..Thats not the point..You won't leave your father..and I understand why..but I worry about you and where you are at right now. If you are not together yourself..how can you be helpful for your father? I know you want to help him..but you need to focus on yourself right now..Keep and eye on him if you must..but at a distance..let him deal with his issues as he must..and you deal with yours..as you must! I want to help and I guess I just don't know what to say..my advice seems so pointless..Simon, please hang in there..and keep your head up..

[FaithisAlive]

Maybe all you can do at this point is focus on helping yourself get through your own battles so you can be strong and well enough to be there for your Dad when he is ready to talk.

Its hard to know what goes on in the mind and heart of another person... hard to guess what they might be struggling with inside that we know nothing about. Maybe he has moments of grief over all the losses in his life.. maybe he feels a certain lonliness that he can't explain.

Try not to worry too much about him,just do what you can to be there for him, take care of YOU.

And if you are surrounded by negativity.... that means you are going to have to do what you can to avoid those who are toxic to your life.. thats what I think of negativity.. its toxic to healing.Its not about just survival .. its about HEALING....

[Liv28]

[wisewoman]

Look up stuff for Alanon? They speak about how families deal and what happens etc. No magic pill. good luck

[PasDeDeux]

((( simon))) I am sorry that your relationship with dad is what it is. I think being nice and polite it best but it doesn't seem to be your responsibility or job to fix dad and all his issues. I hope he finds some peace soon and you too....You may find more people will see this in relationships. I don't know but that is my guess.

well things arent any different. my dad is still having tantrums over the slightest of things! he always takes it out on me which is the annoying thing!

I was just doing him a favour by writing a few emails for him because he wont use computers. anyway, he said to type something and all i said was "is that necessary?" and he replied "oh, whatever, suit yourself!" and stormed off like a child throwing a book down the stairs, now he's stomping around downstairs and being extremely childish and pathetic! it winds me up. he didnt thank me for using the last 30 mins of my time to do him a favour, all i got was a tantrum. i am seriously fed up of this now.

my brother is winding me up so much!! i cannot take this anymore, it seems they are all out to get at me, i always seem to be doing things or saying the wrong things. am i really that bad?! im in a bad mood now and i just want to be on my own, but my brother is watching my tv and so i cant ask him to leave. (i have that sky+, where i can record digital tv onto the box) and he is watching a program he recorded. i desperately want to be alone right now to calm myself down. i really cannot live here anymore, it is getting me down so much!!

my dad is still drinking, he came home from work stinking of alcohol today, that would explain his sudden tantrums!! i really dont feel safe here and i just want to be able to close my door and lock it, but with my bro in here i cant. luckily he cant see me typing because i am facing away from him.

anyone got any positive, uplifting comments to cheer me up?

speak soon

simon

[FaithisAlive]

Its such a tough situation.... I can see you feel trapped with no way out...and this is hurting you..

I wish there was a way you could simply ask him man to man what is bothering him. Maybe he doesn't feel well physically, maybe he is stressed out over something at work... something has driven him to drown himself in alcohol.

Most people don't do that because they like it, they are hiding in it. It isn't helping you any for sure.. having to deal with his anger and unhappiness... being his"punching bag"

Maybe the thing to do is pack up what u need and go somewhere and lay out in the sun... just stay away from them for a good day....

Id love to be able to pack up my things and go off for the day in the sun, unfortunately, the weather here in the UK is rubbish, it has been absolutley throwing it down with rain for the last 24 hours. typical England ay?!

I dont like the rain, and the storms. it brings me down! i long for the sun. i feel so happy and upbeat in the sunshine....hence the reason why i want to move to Cyprus.

The only thing i can think of that could have triggered this bad spell in my dad is the fact our dog died a few weeks ago. it seems to have shattered him, which confuses me because he has had to deal with alot worse before now.

My day got worse today...i was at the local shopping centre and i bumped into an old friend, emily her name is. ive had alot of feelings for her int he past and she rejected me which hurt alot. well i saw her up the shops with her boyfriend, which i could deal with. what i couldnt deal with was the other people she was with. she was with a kid called Rob who is best mates with Luke, the guy who stole the love of my life away from me a few years back, Laura her name is. Rob was among the people who made my life a living hell back in school, and to know Emily is hanging out with him makes me angry. i never went to school with Emily, but now i fear she is on thier side, and doesnt like me anymore. we used to be friends until she met her latest boyfriend, and we have just drifted apart. She knew about Luke and Laura, i have told her so many stories about how they hurt me and how much i loathe Luke for what he did to me. but now she is friends with them i worry about what she has been told, i dont want them to turn her against me, and i know she would be the type too.

Everytime i think of, or see Laura i feel all gooey (best word to describe it!) inside, because i was in love with her. when i see laura i go shaky and sweaty and get a strange sensation in my stomach. i do still love her after 5 years of being seperated, and i know i always will.

I just need to move away from here, everywhere i go around here my past seems to be waiting for me, and i cant escape it. the trouble is, most of it is so negative that it makes me feel sick and upset. even more so lately because of everything. to say i feel trapped is an under-statement, i feel suffocated. and i feel myself being isolated from my true happiness and it scares me because i want to go back to who i was this time last year, i was so happy, but my depression has kicked in again and badly this time!! just when i thought id escaped it too!

Thought id come on here and vent these feelings, i cant be doing with keeping them in anymore. i want to drop this depression, so im going to fight the strongest battle i possibly can, just not now for some reason. i dont feel i have the strength, i feel weak! and with that comes all the self-distructive feelings which i fought so hard to get rid of a few years ago. where do i go, what do i do?!

[FaithisAlive]

Simon, I can see why you would want to move to cyprus, where there is lots of sunshine and newness... a good way to begin restoration.

it is most difficult to be facing the what ifs in our lives.. the lost loves.. yo are right.. a new start might be just the thing. i hope you can do it soon!

Meanwhile, maybe you should try and do something nice for yourself.. something fun... go out..take your mind off of things for a littl while so you can rest.

We all need a little down time now and then. You work on YOU and let your dad work on him.. maybe he didn't deal with the other losses as well as it may have seemed and the loss of his beloved pet broke the camels back.

He will have to sort it out for himself. Take Care!

[PasDeDeux]

((Simon)) I am sorry about this with dad. I really do think that is how dad is and odds are he will not change no matter how kind you keep trying to be. He seems to try to avoid sharing his true feelings and the issues he has with his temper and drinking. Maybe he is lost not just because of the dog but deep down due to mom.
I hope you can find away to get away. Even on weekend trips if need be or stay in your bedroom whatever room he isnt in. The negativity will drag you down more and if you are like me you can do without beating a dead horse