Getting the message across

I am in love, with a woman that to me is perfect. I know she has flaws and issues, but I accept them as part of her. I am not good at expressing my feelings, even worse at expressing my wants to her. She is an extrovert, where as I am more of an introvert. She doesn't have an issue expressing her wants to me, although how and when she does it, does irk me.

Due to certain circumstances, I am unable to buy her flowers or gifts without prior warning. We are also both very sexual, but don't have the time for sex more than once a week, and that is if she isn't on her period. Every time I try to talk to her about my feelings, I can never find the right words, and the words I do come up with and speak, are always wrong and have upset her on more than one occasion. It is easier for me to communicate how I feel for her in actions, whether it be holding her, kissing her hand, sex, and being there for her when she needs me to be.

There are a few draw backs to this though, firstly she suffers from BPD and when she is on the down side she doesn't even want to see me, and while I know this is not her fault, it really hurts. Secondly, we have time constraints due to external forces.

Thirdly, one of her friends will not just let us be. For example, this friend knows how little time we get together, and how hard it is for us to arrange more time together. We recently have been on two dates, and the friend knew we were on dates and still insisted on calling. I have asked that when we spend time together that this friend be told not to call or come over, but I am in love and when she wants for something, I can't help but give her what she wants. She wants to call her friend, who am I to stop her. But the friend then insists on coming over. In addition, this friend has spread horrible lies about my lover to me, and when I told my lover this was partly my fault? This friend cried to my lover and was forgiven, but while I was the innocent party, merely the person hearing the lies, I have received not even an "I'm sorry" from her. I don't trust her, with good reason because even now the things she says to me while my lover is not there make my blood boil. I can't tell my lover this as I have no proof, other than my word, and when I have hinted at this, she denies it as nothing more than someone trying to ruin the friendship.

I am at my wit's end with her friend, but find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place with what I tell my lover. I have told my lover that I am not to be a topic of conversation, not even what clothes I wear is to be discussed. Yet, knowing her as I do, and hearing things come out of her mouth that she should not know, I know that my lover talks about me. What do I do? How do I speak to my lover about this and still have her in my life? How can I tell her that the person she calls her best friend is nothing more than a two faced, back stabbing ***** that is trying to break us up, because that is how I feel.

Hi Douglas. I'm sorry you're having such trouble with this so-called friend of your girlfriend. This "friend" obviously doesn't want you with your girlfriend, and is working hard to split you up, from the sounds of it. It sounds like she's jealous.

Is there some way you can talk with this "friend" and tell her in no uncertain terms to butt out? Yes, it will get back to your girlfriend, but it doesn't mean that they can't still be friends. You can just tell this "friend" that your relationship with your girlfriend is OUT OF BOUNDS and she is NOT to discuss ANYTHING that has to do with you and your girlfriend! She has no RIGHT to, as it's none of her business. NO one has any right to talk about others' affairs.

Your girlfriend should understand this. Even if this "friend" should tell her that you talked to her, it shouldn't make any difference. What is between you and your girlfriend should be private. This "friend" doesn't need to know anything and your girlfriend has to learn to keep her mouth SHUT and not to tell someone what blabs things all over the place. Lord only knows who else she's told!

I wish you the very best. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Why would she not have sex with you on her period? Is she an orthodox Jew or what? If she is an orthodox Jew, how come she is having sex outside of marriage?... Weird.

The involvement of the friend, the BPD, etc. are all very difficult emotional issues that would be hard to resolve, but the practical issue of " but don't have the time for sex more than once a week, and that is if she isn't on her period. " - the issue that results in having sex three times a month rather than four times a month, i.e. a 25% loss - is easy to resolve by having sex on her period. If she does not like the mess, she can use a tampon. Having sex on her period would be beneficial to her if she has cramping during the period - many women do. So there might even be a collateral benefit to that practical change.

And that is another practical issue - resolved by hiring a florist on the internet. Expensive, though, but does get the message across.

Regarding the period, we have talked about it and it is a eeewww issue lol. When it comes to the flowers and gifts, money isn't the problem. It's a different issue, but I have been known to break it and get her favorite flower for her once or twice, and get her some imported British chocolates (which she loves). I do get to spoil her, as I think all S/O should be spoilt, it's just I want to spoil her more than I am allowed to at this moment in time. When it comes to sex only once a week, it is more a time and alone thing. It is hard for us to get that time, and be alone at the same time. We have tried watching each other online and telling each other what to do, but while I liked it, for her it wasn't so good. Even though it was pleasurable, if that makes sense, and while I like sexting, she only does it to "please" me.

I don't think it is reasonable to expect your lover not to mention you to her best friend. If this friend wants to break the two of you up, the truth will come out eventually and your lover will find out her friend's intentions. I wonder if something deeper is going on here. Is one or the other of you married?

I am a private person, and I am open with my lover, I tell her things that i cannot tell other people. I don't trust this friend. I don't think it is unreasonable for my lover not to talk about me, she knows me and she knows why.