[objtrbit]

Hi there,

I am a lesbian currently in a relationship that really confuses me. This is my first lesbian relationship, so I'm kinda worried that maybe I want to date other people or something-but at the same time, I really don't want to because I really like this person. The relationship is healthy, except I keep coming up with these reasons in my mind of why we are not compatible. I guess I should note that I have depression, and so maybe I'm just withdrawing.

The compatibility thoughts are things like her being too highstrung when shes cooking, and I'm so free spirited and don't really wanna do things by the book all the time, which is the way she is. She is also very concrete, literal, and I'm over here talking in metaphors and I think abstractly. I thought it could balance us but I donno. I'm not good at making changes, and I really struggle with differences, which I'm aware of-so I also don't want to break it off because everyone I will ever date is going to be different then me.

We are both butches too, I'm extremely attracted to butches, and love to be rough and wrestle, would love paintball too-but shes got a knee injury preventing all that, and is gentle in nature. Blah I just don't know if that's reason for breaking up.

Its so lame, this morning I started off the day crying about maybe needing to break up, then went online and bought her something o0; holy crap I donno whats going on.

Anybody out there been in a relationship for at least 4 years and have experience working through these weird times, grass is greener type of thing?
Actually any help would be awesome lol

Take care,
-obj

[tinyrabbit]

I think you're mixing up two things: being compatible, and being the same.

You don't necessarily need to be the same to be compatible. Often, your differences can be what actually make your relationship good. My husband is very laid-back, doesn't get too stressed, and is kind of messy. I'm a neat freak and like to organise things. We compliment each other really well - we always joke that I get things done and he lets things go.

The way I see it, if you're laidback about something, and your partner isn't, that saves you having to worry about it yourself...

That said, if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. You don't have to justify not feeling the spark. But if it's long-term, it may just be a lull. Can you think back to what first attracted you to her?

(I'm straight, but I think this is pretty universal advice.)

[objtrbit]

You don't necessarily need to be the same to be compatible. Often, your differences can be what actually make your relationship good. My husband is very laid-back, doesn't get too stressed, and is kind of messy. I'm a neat freak and like to organise things. We compliment each other really well - we always joke that I get things done and he lets things go.

The way I see it, if you're laidback about something, and your partner isn't, that saves you having to worry about it yourself...

That said, if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. You don't have to justify not feeling the spark. But if it's long-term, it may just be a lull. Can you think back to what first attracted you to her?

(I'm straight, but I think this is pretty universal advice.)[/QUOTE]

Hi there,

I think you could be right about it being a compliment, I just wish I wasn't annoyed by it (like the cooking scenario) and perhaps it only agitates me because I am afraid she is going to try to curb my.. spontaneity.

People who have been together for awhile go through times where they don't feel a whole lot for the other person right? I think lack of passion is the description I'm looking for.

What does a lull in a relationship feel like? I thought I was in love once, and for 3 years we both just kept trying to change each other, one person was always sacrificing the self for the other type of thing, and so we rarely ever argued. This relationship is so much more real, so maybe I just don't know how to roll with it, when things aren't all exciting?

Thanks!
-obj