[Latch]

I want my boyfriend to hit me and he does.
I use a word when I want him to do it and he slaps me really hard around the face, and this carries on until I say enough, sometimes a few minutes other times longer.
I like feeling scared of him and the undpredictability of when he will slap me again
He hates doing it but I want it more and more.
I feel disgusting as I know there are women who are seriously being abused and can't get out of it so why the hell do I want it and crave it so much.

I have split up with him until I sort this out in my head as it is not fair on him.
He hates dong it but he loves me so much he would do anything for me.

It is not always a sexual thing. I just like him hurting me.
Please help me as I really want this relationship to work. He is an amazing man.

Hey Latch, and welcome.

I have no idea why you want to be hit, and certainly couldn't begin to wonder why. But everyone is different and that I do understand.

Have you ever sought out some therapy? I think it may be helpful for you to figure out why you want this, and perhaps find ways to stop it later, if that's what you want. It may just be the thing to help you find a calmer place and have a more fruitful relationship if your fella doesn't like hitting you. I wish he didn't tho, even though you say he did it because you wanted him to.

Good luck with whatever path you take and I hope you find some answers and peace soon.

[Leed]

Hi Latch ~ Bless your heart. This is NOT normal, and I don't care HOW much your boyfriend loves you, he should NOT hit you.

Sweetie, you need therapy to find out what makes you want to be hit. There is something, perhaps from your childhood that seems to impel you to want to be abused. Perhaps you feel you deserve it or something -- I don't know. But it isn't normal, and if you break up with this guy and end up with someone who really IS abusive, you could get seriously hurt!

Please -- get into therapy before you do get injured badly!!! This is NOt a game! This is truly serious. I hope you find the help that you need so badly.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[adam_k]

I can relate to you. Although not as bad. I've never asked my wife to hit me. I do sometimes do things implusively to her maoe mad. There was one time I did something inappropiate, and then the got upset and smacked my hand. I impulsively did it again. There are other times where I did similar things, such as taunting her to hurt me. I try my best to stop the behaivor. It is both bad for her and me. I'm just glad she is not abusive. I tend to do this kind of behaivor when my mind isn't all there. It is like I am in another place, and I do something implusive to upset her. I don't have a history of abuse. There have been a couple of incidents though. She sometimes bits my finger. It is something her dad used to do when she was little. He would put the side of his hand in her mouth and she would playfully bite it. She does that to me sometimes and I want her to bite me really hard. I even told her to a couple of times but she didn't. I think it is possible self defeating personality disorder. Or maybe masochism.

I think you should get into therapy if you can. You don't deserve to be hurt, no matter how much it feels like you should be. I think engaging in these behaivors feeds into itself and creates more self hatred. I hope you keep yourself safe and can find a way to curb these feelings.

[Gloom]

I understand what others are saying here. However I think this might be a different thing from plain self hatred.

From your post, I would say this is a fetish that you can't quite understand yet. You mentioned that it isn't *always* sexual, which would mean that sometimes it is, correct? Deep down it might be a sexual thing even if you don't get aroused by it all the time.

Are you a submissive? Are you sexually submissive or find pleasure in it? Even if you've never done this, do you think you would enjoy it?

I'm sorry for all the questions. I've met people with all kinds of fetishes and have been involved in the BDSM community for some years now, not as a practicer (although I have my kinks too), but because the psychological side of it thrills me and I think it's absolutely intriguing.

My advice is: seek therapy. Talk to someone about it and try to explore all the possibilities as to why you like being hit. Exploring all the possibilities means going through your whole life. Have you been hit by family members, or close people? Have you ever felt this before with ex partners? These are the kind of questions I would explore.

Having someone you can relate to might also help, so I'd advise you to look this up on Google too (I always do and it always helps).

Regarding your relationship, I don't think breaking up is a solution and it will only probably just make you feel worse. You guys obviously love each other, and although your boyfriend *is* hitting you, I believe he's just doing it to please you, no matter how bad it feels to him. I think he would be happy to help you understand this with you, and he could probably use some kind of help too, in order to understand better and deal with it.

Good luck!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Leed

and if you break up with this guy and end up with someone who really IS abusive, you could get seriously hurt!

Agreed. Do not break up with him. He is hitting you because you want him to, and he is probably doing it fairly gently, because he does not want to be doing it and is doing it out of love because you want him to. He does not seem to get any satisfaction from the act of hitting, per your report. So, hopefully, he is as careful as he can be while stilling fulfilling your wishes.

If you leave him and end up with a guy who will actually ENJOY hitting you, you will be far worse off. You will be in physical danger much more than you are now, and, the situation will be far less treatable via therapy, because there would be a complex dynamic involving a guy who ENJOYS hitting you. Right now, you have a pure case: you enjoy being hit, you have a boyfriend who goes along with your wishes against his wishes, and you will engage a therapist to help with this fairly straightforward situation. MUCH BETTER!