[Laurie_Chocobo]

It doesn't make any sense. We're very different. I can't be bothered to go too deep into it all. I wrote a very large posting about everything including this but it got deleted as I had to log in- for no reason as I already was logged in..?? I still miss him. I sometimes think about us settling down together. being together even though we're too different. and i need a lot of patience because i've never had a boyfriend before even at 19. i want to take everything slow & meaningful (just like he did) my head disagrees but my heart says "yes"

I may go into things further upon further posting & replies.
CUTTING IT VERY SHORT-we knew eachother since secondary school being in the same form-I miss form so much! we were like a big family, our tutor was more like our mum than a tutor :') he's always had a thing for me.

I went round there 5 years after school had ended after getting into contact again & went round his house about 6-7 seperate times during the week-had a period of literally seeing eachother for about 2-3 months. the 3rd time we had our first kiss & general cuddles the 4th-7th we had more 'intimate' cuddles. I let him touch me. I never felt -that- connected to him, I felt he'd changed so much since secondary school, & didn't like him as much as he liked me but I never really did. I felt so touched at secondary school, when found out he liked me. We were similiar as were going through similiar things. He is stocky & has beautiful eyes...I can't go too deep on this I let my heart out in my previous posting & I don't have energy to try & repost it all again from memory.

I can't explain everything. But I've barely ever felt connected to anyone at all. I have 2 friends but I rarely see them when I do I enjoy it but wish there was more to my life. I feel lonely without a meaningful relationship. I have hobbies but feel like my soul is missing something. A boyfriend..Everyone needs love. I just want someone to love & who will love me back.

Me & this boy are finished. done. it's too complicated to get into but basically he realized how much i was messing him about. making him believe i liked him the same amount as he liked me. i acted differently at school was slightly more outgoing, into metal, & rebellious-though always for a good cause, so once i'd become more 'me' as i grew older i knew i wouldn't be what he wanted even when he'd said he doesn't want to settle down with someone who 'drinks & does drugs' or even someone who is 'loud & gobby' he said girls like that are fun to be around but not who he'd want to settle down with.

we're not on speaking terms anymore. there's nothing i can do. it's gone whatever was there; if anything. but sometimes i really miss him. i feel deep down we were meant to be together. I am on a dating site but I'm not interested in anyone else but I don't understand why. it's like i don't need him but deep down in my heart, I want to know him be with him live with him love him...

I feel as lonely as can be. extremely lonely. help..?

[Leed]

Hi Laurie ~ Are you sure it's HIM that you want, or is it more the fact that you're just lonely, and he might fit the bill temporarily?

The fact that you never cared for him as much as he did for you hasn't changed, has it? Why would it? You haven't seen him in awhile. And evidently you weren't the "real you" around him, from what you have said. Do you think he'd really LIKE the "real you" if you showed that part of you to him? Since you're really more out-going and into metal, would he like that? You did admit you were "messing with him."

I suppose you could try to contact him and see what he says. But I'm not sure the outcome is going to be positive. I wish you the very best.

Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Laurie_Chocobo]

I'm not more outgoing & into metal. I put it on in secondary school because I wanted to be somebody else.

[Laurie_Chocobo]

I guess I'm just kidding myself. I just don't feel attraction to any men...Except the man I met 5 years ago who was 10 years older. Since then...I just haven't been very interested in getting with anyone. And I want more than a meaningless fling.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Laurie_Chocobo

i need a lot of patience because i've never had a boyfriend before even at 19.

Oh please! 19, not 79! You are so young - you will be OK, with time. Give it some time. You are very young. Things will settle down for you and you will have boyfriends, etc. Just let yourself experience the feelings you are having without rushing them or trying to will them to go away.

19 is awfully young. A great age, too.

What happened to the man whom you met 5 years ago and who was 10 years older? 5 years ago you were underage and he was 24. Now you are an adult and so is he. Why not look him up now?

[avlady]

Don't worry 19 that's a great age, you can explore, have more time left than most of us, you need this experience so you won't make the same mistakes again, or if not that, you can still learn more about other people, and how to react the next time. There's a lot of fish in the sea, maybe you'll hook on a great one, and if so, be yourself with them in the first place.