[jboor30]

My life is a huge mess right now. I have a 2 year old son and have been married to his mother for a year. The problem is is that I am still deeply in love with my long time ex girlfriend. We dated for over 7 years but have been separated for about 5 years. Throughout these last 5 years there hasn't been a day go by that I don't think of her and wish we were still together. I have contacted her a few times throughout the years and the weird thing is is that she still feels the same way about me. She says that she thinks of me everyday and wishes we could be together. The other problem is that she is also married and has a 15 month old daughter. It is such a messed up situation becuase I know we belong together. Both of our marriages are unhappy because we are not truly in love with our spouses. Is it worth it to stick out these marriages for our children or will our children be better off in a household that is filled with love. Please tell me what to do!!!

[seeker1950]

You're in a pickle of a situation, Jb....
How do the respective spouses, both yours and the husband of the exgirlfriend feel about the marriages?
I feel I can respond to this because I stayed unhappily in a loveless marriage for 20 years, mainly for my daughter. My ex knew I was unhappy but refused to discuss divorce, instead threatening to take our daughter from me. What would happen to the children if you two divorced in order to be together? If you could provide the happy loving home of which you speak, that would be wonderful, wouldn't it!, but bitterness ensues with such divorces, also affecting the children.
I hope things work out for you.
Patty

[PasDeDeux]

Studies show that childen in unhappy homes due to marital discord suffer for it I am thinking you would get visitation with your child unless mom is unfit and your ex would get her child. Can you live with that? Can she? Parents seldom do children a favor by staying in an unhappy relaionship the kids feel it and pay for it in their relationships and in so many areas. See a T

[Rhapsody]

If I may ask? - Why did you two separate in the first place.... if you were so much in love with each other then why did you decide to end it and walk away? - you answer may lie here.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[alisandria]

I don't know. I have to think the same thing as phaps on this...if it was such a good relationship why did it end? The other thing too, many marraiges/relationships hit bumps in the road when you add in children. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Also, how could two people that pledged their love to two separate people ever truly trust one another? What does that say for one's moral character? I don't mean to be harsh here, but think ahead....way ahead. There was a reason why that first relationship ended, maybe you cannot see or recall it right now cause there is turmoil in your life, but you took a vow to your wife, and it's not fair to put another before her. Is there someone independent of the exlover you can speak to about your problems, it's never good to collaborate, or discuss stuff with an old flame, it just brings up old feelings. I say, perhaps speak with a counselor? or pastor? or someone trusted about your feelings and where they really stem from. Ask yourself what your vows mean? And can you take what comes with breaking it off? There will undoubtedly be a lot of hurt feelings on both sides, and upheaval, and most likely bitterness. Your new life with this old flame may not be any better than what you have now, or possibly even worse, and you possibly one or both of you regret the decisions you make. But by then, you would not be able to turn back time.

I hope you can find your answer. Just seems like a real hard place to be in. I, personally, wouldn't make a move on anything until I know I really worked it out-like counseling, and gave 100% of myself to it. I don't like to walk away with doubt, once you close a door, it's best to leave it closed right? Best of Luck.

[katheryn]

nobody can tell you what to do, just consider all options before you make any chocies you are efecting a lot of lives,