[Frozen_Heart]

I had been dating a man for about 6 months but recently broke it off. He is seemly perfect but has done something most would find unforgivable. Those that I have shared the circumstances with are outraged and my mother is angry with me that I didn't notify the authorities. Anyway, he has tried to contact me a couple of times and I'm actually going to talk with him on the phone tonight. The logic side of me wonders why I'm even going to speak to him or why I didn't 'let him have it' or why I didn't extremely angry. The strange thing is, I feel sympathy for him, I feel bad that he says he hurts and doesn't want to lose me. I hear that and it makes me want to run to his arms!!

[Frozen_Heart]

*sigh* Today would also have been my 13th wedding anniversary.

[almostangela]

Give yourself more time to think about it before you consider talking to him. Your values in life are the core of who you are and they are guideposts that lead you through. Don't stray from your values or give them up for someone else. If you go to this guy because he misses you and loves you, you are not leaving room for someone more deserving of you to step in and make you happy. Sorry if this sounds confusing.

[Frozen_Heart]

No, it's not confusing. I'm trying to figure out why I'd even give him a second thought? I just shouldn't be concerned with his feelings and only think about what he did do and quit letting my messed up thinking regarding relationships get me in a pickle!

Thanks for the comment.

[almostangela]

Maybe your 'second thought' has nothing to do with the crime he has committed. Maybe it is the hero in you that might beleive that your prescence might change something bad in someone. Something kind of compassion inside of you that this person has triggered. But, you know, you can't change a person, right?

[Frozen_Heart]

Yes, I know that I can't change anyone but what if his action was really an isolated thing? I just don't know if this is something I can allow a second chance on... I talked to him last night and I'm so torn. He says he'll do anything, couseling, whatever I want....

[almostangela]

Forget my advise. Take the advise of age old wisdom passed down from generations to generations in an attempt to keep the next generation from making the same mistakes that they made. "A sow's ear, dressed up like a purse, is still a sow's ear". He has everything to gain from being with you, and you have everything to lose. As a friend said to me while I was in the clutch of a man with promises covering his awful deeds. "you are unevenly yoked and the cart will not travel much farther because only you are pulling the weight". Forgive him, try to understand him, but please let him do his own work and penance. Your involvement is not required. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it hurts to watch a friend walk into a wall. Lets say that he does come through to the better side of life......you can resume after he accomplishes this and offers you proof. Life is short. Be careful.

[seeker1950]

Almost has given you some very sound advice here.
Shortly after my divorce, I became naively involved with a sociopathic addict. I thought I could help him, DUH!
He committed many crimes while he was involved with me and when I tried to extricate myself from him, he turned violent stalker. Even after he was imprisoned for breaking into my house with a gun, I still felt compassion and some sort of responsibility. That was 8 years ago. Now I see how confused my thinking was. It is frightening to be so vulnerable that you still want to "run into his arms" despite the unacceptable conduct of a criminal.
Please remove yourself and all contact with this man. After you have some time and distance from the situation, you will think more clearly.....and, be appalled, as I am that you subjected yourself to such a character!
Patty

[Frozen_Heart]

I know! I just hate to tell another human being something that will hurt them. I'm just a sucker. . He just seemed so perfect and my hope will be the death of me (figuratively (spelling?) speaking).

Thanks for being the voice of reason and I'm hearing things I have already tole myself but I just hope for the best in others too much at the expense of me.

[almostangela]

There are other fellows out there that are perfect for you but without the negative drama. If this fellow is in your sights, you miss seeing the one that is really meant for you. We can understand you gentle kindess and can see what is compelling you because we have been there, but the consequences are too high. Step away and in time you will be glad for it.

[Frozen_Heart]

Thanks for the encouragement! It helps me do what I know is right. Maybe one day I'll be strong and won't have this bad feeling in my gut, like I'm letting him down. I don't know why I have more concern for others feelings above my own.



(I feel like I have a cheering section!)

[alisandria]

I feel puzzled for you. Not knowing what he did, I'd not circum to his pleas. I look at it this way if you can't mention it publicly here (for whatever reason) how could you deal with it face to face IRL? maybe cause deep inside of you, you know you really don't buy the bunk being sold. Many things, aren't isolated incidences, they are perhaps just the first time someone was caught. you and your self-worth are at stake here, don't feel bad, you didn't cause him to chose to make the mistake he did. You aren't responsible for his actions, he is. Many people that have criminal minds are great manipulators and prey on the goodness of others, IE-YOU!!!! Walk away, quickly, and for good, you deserve much better!