[NinaNina]

I had a fight with my boyfriend last night, and I'm really upset about it. We've been doing so well lately, but no matter how good we are, there are still times when I get anxious and don't trust him. I don't really have the time to explain everything right now because I'm at work, but I just needed to talk to someone(s). This is the message I sent my boyfriend this morning, post-fight.

I left my phone at home today, just so you know. I hate fighting with you. But it breaks my heart when you drink, and I don't think you get how much. And I know you probably think its annoying and an invasion of your privacy when I check your facebook and maybe it is. I hate that I do it, and despite what you probably think I don't do it all the time. But sometimes I get these feelings, so I look to reassure myself. That comes from our past, with Melissa and Chelsea and Amanda and doing other drugs and lying about it....you have to understand that even if your being a good boyfriend now, for the first year at least you weren't, and it shattered my trust in you and most people. And I think messaging Jaime privately when you were there with her and Matt is inappropriate, especially since you were impaired. Anyways I know I'm not perfect, but at least I'm honest. But we cant keep doing this. I want to trust you but I still don't. I need help.

[lynn P.]

((NinaNina)) - I think your message is fair and explains it well. Do you think your BF has a major drinking problem and perhaps replacing drugs with alcohol. Were the past women problems, made worse by alcohol? I agree its hard to trust, when its been broken. You have a right to be happy and I hope things stabilize soon.

[NinaNina]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

((NinaNina)) - I think your message is fair and explains it well. Do you think your BF has a major drinking problem and perhaps replacing drugs with alcohol. Were the past women problems, made worse by alcohol? I agree its hard to trust, when its been broken. You have a right to be happy and I hope things stabilize soon.

Thank you for your response, much appreciated. He does have a drinking problem, but it has been months since he was drunk. Last night was the first time I saw him impaired in a long time. He said he only had a few tall cans of beer, but however much he had he was impaired. We have been doing so well lately, but just seeing him like that brings back all old issues. There have definitely been past woman problems made worse by alcohol. The trust was broken, and sometimes I feel like its impossible to completely trust again.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by NinaNina

There have definitely been past woman problems made worse by alcohol. The trust was broken, and sometimes I feel like its impossible to completely trust again.

Well, it is rational not to trust again: if there has been a consistent pattern, you can rationally expect it to repeat itself.

[BonnieG2010]

How about Al Anon?
I know it sounds radical, but if you start attending their meeting you could learn when drinking is too much and when is dangerous.

You can also learn not to be co-dependent and set healthy boundaries.
If your BF would join you.... that would measure the extent of his love for you.

[NinaNina]

Originally Posted by BonnieG2010

How about Al Anon?
I know it sounds radical, but if you start attending their meeting you could learn when drinking is too much and when is dangerous.

You can also learn not to be co-dependent and set healthy boundaries.
If your BF would join you.... that would measure the extent of his love for you.

Thank you, that is a good suggestion and I will definitely consider it!