[pennylayne]

I have this guy in my life who is a typical avoider...avoids any tense conversations at all costs. However, he has said to me that he'll always be there for me to talk when I need him but then when I reach out he ignores me. I've tried everything to get him to communicate with me and my anxiety is just going crazy at the moment because I just want a ******* answer from the guy!

We were doing the seeing each other casually thing, but he said he really cared about me. But for the past few weeks there's always seemed to be a reason why he couldn't see me. A couple of weeks ago we made plans to meet up and then he cancelled the day before saying he had to work. He apologised and said it would have to be the following weekend. I said I didn't know if I could do the following weekend but that I'd see how it goes. I was really upset by the cancellation and the following week I didn't hear a word from him. On the Sunday I contacted him and he asked how I'd been and I told him I'd been really down and he was really supportive and told me he thinks I'm lovely and wonderful.

A couple of days ago I was having a hard time not knowing what was going on with us as he wasn't initiating contact with me or giving me any signs he was interested in seeing me again. I tried to ask him what had happened and he just stopped responding...the next day he messaged me saying sorry that he fell asleep which just didn't seem true to me. I suggested we talk in person or on the phone as whenever I try to open up through text I end up feeling ignored and he said we could talk but that he was at work and he's sorry I feel that way. I told him I just needed to know what he wants to do and let me know a time he's free to talk if that's what he decides. I said I need to take care of my needs and he either respects that and wants me around or he doesn't. I told him to let me know when he was ready, but that was over 24 hours ago. Now the panic has set in again and I have no clue as to what to do. I've reached out and he's just avoiding me...I've tried to move on from him but it's unfinished business and I don't understand why he's doing this to me.

Any suggestions of what I should do??? I just don't know how to get him to talk to me...

[Perna]

It does sound like he is not a talker, has trouble with closeness and pressure to talk on other people's terms. I would assume that is how he is and that it is not about me. I would decide if I could deal with that, just be casual and have a relationship on his terms or whether I should find someone else who is more talkative. I had a guy when I was in college like that; he would ask me out maybe once a semester or even less often and we would go out and do really really great things for the whole day and have a wonderful time, etc. but then nothing. I don't know why he was like that, whether he had other girls he did that to or was not interested in dating or what. But it was him and what he invited me for so not like I could really do anything about it; make him invite me for other things or more often, etc. If the other person can't connect well, not a whole lot we can do?

[pennylayne]

I just really need to understand the situation...to have boundaries and know how things are going to be. I don't want someone who only wants to see me once a month or less but I don't even know what he wants and I just want to know that.

He said we can talk but then he doesn't say when or anything so I'm confused! I just cannot cope with it but I know he's a good guy and we have a great time together. I at least need some closure but how do I get it if the guy is not willing to talk to me...?

And actually it's just when I ask him something that he seems to have difficulty with...when I let him talk he volunteers information about his feelings but when I ask I just get nothing.

[catsrhelm]

Dump him! If he really cared about you, he would have said something. Who needs a jerk who really doesn't care about you?

[gayleggg]

I agree with Catsrhelm. Dump him. He's too much work and nothing in return.

[pennylayne]

Thanks...I guess I was hoping there'd be another explanation. He's told me he cares and he's there for me whenever I need him but his behaviour doesn't match his words. It's heartbreaking because sometimes it does feel like he cares and I have major difficulty with letting go and was hoping there was something I could do or say to encourage him to open up to me but I guess not