[amiinsecure]

My boyfriend treats me so poorly that I think i have become insecure and unhappy with myself... so insecure that I am afraid to leave him. What do I do?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by amiinsecure

My boyfriend treats me so poorly that I think i have become insecure and unhappy with myself... so insecure that I am afraid to leave him. What do I do?

You first need to re-establish the connections with people who have not treated you badly, if such exist, to receive their support. Then you need to look at your finances for living alone. Etc. etc. And then leave - but you need to do some prep before you leave.

Yes, I agree. Start planning. Talk to family, friends. Start saving if you can, split your accounts if joined and then leave. Don't tell him, go when he's at work or something and do not let him know where you've gone. A lot of abusers will turn on the charm when they think you will leave, but that ends when they've got you again.. If things are dangerously bad, if he hits you, then don't hang around, get going. If friends/family cant help you, there will be places for battered women.

Thing about being abused is that it saps out all of your confidence, personality and spark. This will come back with help/therapy when you leave. None of this is your fault, its the abusers.

Hugs to you and good luck. Please let us know how you get on..

[EBD8]

The girlfriend I have now is much younger than me and that is an understatement. Having raised 3 daughters I'm trying my best and it is working that even as young as her abuse started she had become accustomed to being abused and accepted it as natural. Since her abuse started at an early age she associated that is the only way she could get attention from both her parents. The abuse she suffered has been very hard for me to endure but she knows that she can trust me, I will always be there for her and without trust nothing works. One time she was in another relationship where she bragged at how much she actually enjoyed the abuse. Your abuse may not have been this extreme but if that's all you know then that's what you come to expect. He is not going to change. I tell my girlfriend that "abuse of anyone at anytime for any reason is NEVER acceptable." If you continue to stay in an abusive relationship eventually you will not even know who you are anymore. Hope this helps...

[Leed]

Hi aminsecure ~ I know you're insecure and afraid to leave, but WHY would you want to stay in a relationship where you're unhappy? You can't be a doormat unless you lay down!!!

Sweetie, he's treating you badly because he CAN. You're LETTING him!! If you stand up to him, he'll probably stop! If you're afraid that he'll hit you, then you CERTAINLY need to leave. And if he's ALREADY hit you, then by ALL MEANS, get out of there!!!

Honey, you need to take your power back. You've given it to HIM. He doesn't deserve anything from you. Any man that mistreats a woman is a coward. They do it because they feel LESS than a man, and they have to mistreat women to make themselves feel more powerful. They are pathetic human beings. He's just a coward, honey -- and he doesn't DESERVE you.

Tell him you're leaving. Have the police stand by while you leave. They will come if you tell them that he's violent and you KNOW he will do something to you if you leave. And if he causes any trouble while they're there, they WILL arrest them. Also, when you DO leave, get a restraining order against him. That way, he won't be able to contact you in ANY WAY -- by LAW. if he does, he'll be arrested!

PLEASE -- do this. And then, if you can manage it, get some counseling to find out how this happened in the first place, so it NEVER happens again. OKAY?? God bless you sweetie. I've been thru this, and I've been thru therapy, and it will never happen to ME again. Take care. Hugs, Lee

[TnBrain]

Originally Posted by amiinsecure

My boyfriend treats me so poorly that I think i have become insecure and unhappy with myself... so insecure that I am afraid to leave him. What do I do?

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I was going through the same thing with my last relationship. Get out now before it destroys you completely. With my last relationship, i gained 30 pounds, my hair fell out, hell my period even became completely irregular(Ik TMI). Im telling you this because it isnt worth it. You are a beautiful person and no one should make you feel unhappy or insecure. Just remember the person you were before you met him and try to get that person back ASAP! It will be hard to leave him but in the end you will be much happier. I wish the best for you and good luck! God bless you

[Pinkie118]

I'm just adding with everyone that you should just leave. Especially if it's due to abuse.

I left someone after 10 years and I should have left at the least 4 years earlier. The decision was hard and I had said I was going to many times and didn't. I made the decision, rented a room and can honestly say I still look back with so much pride in myself over getting out. So much so that I can realize I should have left earlier and wish I'd had that courage.

To be clear, I wasn't physically abused. I was controlled, disrespected, verbally abused and just plain used. It made me feel horrible and I became incredibly unsure about myself, don't let someone else cause you to feel that way ever!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by amiinsecure

My boyfriend treats me so poorly that I think i have become insecure and unhappy with myself... so insecure that I am afraid to leave him. What do I do?

Fear to leave, due to being mistreated, yep. That sounds like the cycle of abuse, right there.

The objective, is to leave the abuse. Rebuilding your self-esteem, is a very important step.

What can you do, to reclaim your sense of value?