[FleshIntoGear]

This is kind of hard to explain, but here goes. I have not had much luck with past relationships, the women I meet either reject me for seemingly random reasons, or they turn out to be crazy. I've had a lot of disappointments and heartbreaks in my life. I recently met a girl who I like very much and she likes me. We've been dating for 3 months now but in the last few weeks, there has been a steady decline in the quality of our relationship. Here's the kicker though, it's not her fault. I am finding myself trying to self-sabotage things for no reason. I have made myself incredibly stressed out and most of my thoughts have turned into unrealistic paranoia and negativity. I realize this is happening before my very eyes and I feel helpless to stop it. Everyday I get angrier and more self-righteous, pointing out and exacerbating her every flaw. She doesnt know any of this is happening, I am working very hard to keep all of it from coming to light until I can find a therapist, but I don't know how much longer I can take this stress, anxiety, and paranoia. I don't want to lose her due to my own shortcomings. I need help, and fast, before this all falls apart.

[Travelinglady]

You sure do! Have you told her you are aware of how you are behaving and want to do better--and in fact, you're seeking help? The pattern certainly indicates you have some issues to work on. Otherwise, I suspect you will sabotage all relationships in the future, too.

[spondiferous]

Welcome to PC, Flesh. I agree with Payne - if you haven't already acknowledged to her that you're struggling with certain aspects of the relationship, you may want to, if it's a relationship worth holding onto. I really struggled in the beginning of my current partnership. Anxiety, panic, fear of abandonment, fear that she would be unfaithful, jealousy, envy, insecurity...you name it, I had it. And sorry to say it, lasted about a year. I have a bad track record with relationships and turned out I needed that long to work on my stuff. But in the meantime, we talked about it - constantly - and I owned it as my own, and tried my damnedest not to project it onto her. It DOES get better. You just have to give yourself a chance and give the relationship a chance, and find people to talk to and process with: friends, professionals, your girlfriend, whomever. Can't heal by keeping it all inside, in my experience. Good luck with it all. Hope you find the support you need.

[BonnieG2010]

I agree: don't keep it all inside. Thebest way to defeat it is to talk as openly as you can to your girl and informing her that this is not at all about your relationship, not even about her but about you.
If she's a good understanding person she may find ways to calm you immediate anxieties down. But yes, you need to find a therapist asap.

[poptartscherry]

Have you tried to discuss this with her? You definitely need to speak with someone FAST, but she needs to know you are having problems and it's not her fault.

Originally Posted by FleshIntoGear

This is kind of hard to explain, but here goes. I have not had much luck with past relationships, the women I meet either reject me for seemingly random reasons, or they turn out to be crazy. I've had a lot of disappointments and heartbreaks in my life. I recently met a girl who I like very much and she likes me. We've been dating for 3 months now but in the last few weeks, there has been a steady decline in the quality of our relationship. Here's the kicker though, it's not her fault. I am finding myself trying to self-sabotage things for no reason. I have made myself incredibly stressed out and most of my thoughts have turned into unrealistic paranoia and negativity. I realize this is happening before my very eyes and I feel helpless to stop it. Everyday I get angrier and more self-righteous, pointing out and exacerbating her every flaw. She doesnt know any of this is happening, I am working very hard to keep all of it from coming to light until I can find a therapist, but I don't know how much longer I can take this stress, anxiety, and paranoia. I don't want to lose her due to my own shortcomings. I need help, and fast, before this all falls apart.

[poptartscherry]

I'm being rerouted - I don't understand.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by FleshIntoGear

I have made myself incredibly stressed out and most of my thoughts have turned into unrealistic paranoia and negativity. I realize this is happening before my very eyes and I feel helpless to stop it.

You need to improve the physiological state of yours to stop/halt the stress/paranoia etc. In other words, you need to reach to the brain via the flesh (you probably came up with the Flesh... userid for a reason).

Cardio exercise, yoga, etc. and a lot of it - you will feel better very soon and you won't feel or be helpless.