[takinganewpath]

I am a Nanny and I care for a family that has a 6yr old boy, a 9 yr old boy, and an 11 yr old Girl. THe girl has developed an attitude beyond what I have experienced before. I know its her age, but its more than that. She likes to instigate any and all those around her to start an argument. I was raised to treat adults with respect and that the Adult is the boss. She doesn't follow those values. I am very Frustrated and Don't know what to do, and how to handle it myself. The mother is trying to get her help with a Psych but she is refusing to go because her biological father told her she doesn't have to...The woman whom she went to one time described her as a "red" personality. I am one foot out the door but have been with this family since the 11 year old was 2. I am the only consistent person she has had. I need to take care of my own psychological well being as well but I just have this habit of worrying about those around me more than myself. I am having a very difficult time trying to deal with this.

[spondiferous]

Sounds like a tricky situation. Definitely sounds like there is something more going on than just her age. Hopefully you all can get to the bottom of it before it follows her into the rest of her life and causes even more problems for her and the people around her. How long has this been going on? I can relate to being torn between staying and going when my own mental and emotional health is at stake. I wish you wellness and the best of luck.

[BonnieG2010]

Hi takinganewpath

I have been a teacher for some 28 years now and just today i was thinking to myself that definetely you can be a blockhead since a very early age and i don't know who or what can make them change.

I've had very few students whose behavior resisted to any attention, love and caring and just continued to be their hard, presumptuous selves.
I don't do miracles, especially for people who don't want any because they think THEY are perfect and they that the rest of the world should adapt to them.

My mother was a Nanny too, for some time, and she had one of those 'difficult' boys. His father used to tell him how much he was hurting him, watching him behave the way he did.
No way.
The boy went his own road.

Sometimes I wonder if there's anything that can be done and the answer I gave myself was: you cannot change even a very young person if he / she likes himself just the way it is.

So prepare to say bye to that house and take care of yourself and your well being

[shezbut]

Your situation does sound very tricky indeed. The 11-year old girl sounds like she really needs help now...I can understand why you feel compelled to stay, despite your need to put your own needs first. You have been a big part of her life.

How old was the girl when she went to see that one T, who described her as having a "red" personality? I wonder if that T mentioned it to the 11-year old girl in that appointment. She's only 11-years old, waay too young to be considering personality disorders! I wouldn't be real eager to go back into T if I were the 11-year old either. I would recommend trying to get the girl to try T with a different T, one who specializes in children.

I assume that you don't have much control, but I would think that the mother respects your opinions. So, having a serious discussion with her about how you're feeling would be helpful. She may not know how deeply this is bothering you ~ and doesn't want to lose you. Be honest, and hopefully, the mom will find a better match in T for her daughter. Gentle hugs and best wishes to you!

I do feel for you, what a horrible situation and agree with the others, you must look after yourself in this. I don't think that letting an 11 year old make the choice not to go to a therapist is very helpful of the mother and father - they should not give an option as they are the adults and would know better. But as Shez says, a specialist for children.