My Unappreciative So Called BFF

Long story!And I really need help/support.Me and my so called "BFF" have been friends for 20years.Well in 2011 I was hurt really bad in a car accident and I was having trouble getting a diagnosis of what was wrong with me.Because it was a MVA there were all MDs that would not see me because it was a MVA.It can get messy because it was not my fault and both parties had insurance.But I could not get a diagnosis until 15MDs later and a year and half later of fighting strong ALONE.

So in mean time of "undiagnosis"Me and my BFF had a falling out around the holidays and did not talk for about four month's.I still did not have a diagnosis when we made up....but I was really showing problems mentally and physically for instance my speech was slurred and I was on bed rest....6month's later I get a few heartbreaking diagnosis such as Post concussive syndrome,anxiety,depression,physical injuries and post traumatic stress disorder

Ok so nine months back I finally got threw a war of hell of a year and half of fighting for a diagnosis My so called "BFF" get's really sick this Monday and had to go to hospital and they admitted her.I was with her at hospital everyday for 4days I also was advocating to the MDs for her and then calming her down,comforting her etc.while none of her family could make it until Thursday to see her.I took care of her and was there for her. Her aunt finally come up to hospital but I ended up giving her a round trip ticket ride back and forth to hospital. I did it unwanting.I told my friend driving really wears me out that I cannot be the free cab.

**My BFF was not there for me at all threw my hard times of injuries and undiagnosis**If she was to call or anything it was just depressing to me and would make me keep falling into hole or relapsing with any progress.I was hurt she did not stand by my side.She would not even come visit me except maybe once a month and lives 5 blocks away.

So now tables turned and I decided in my healing progress to not consume hate and be there for her.Since we have been ok friends for a long time and on good terms since I got my diagnosis but she still had shady tendencies and treated me kind of bad.As time past I made a great progress all by myself, family, and my team of MDs. dealing with my behavior,my stress,anxiety,depression,panic,pain etc.

Thursday at hospital she said something really mean, selfish, and heartless.She said that we fell out that new years because I had too many problems and that she was tired of hearing about and she stopped talking to me because she felt like my therapist I was angry she said this!I just sat in hospital with her for 4 days, got her a card, and some balloons!! And this is what I get for treatment?Don't good friends of 20years stick together threw good and bad?Why would one think to leave the very sick friend and when she came back to me never formally addressed an apology?

At this point I had a bad night because of her hate and she knows I'm hurt and clearly does not care cause she has made no effort to owe me apology.I suppose to get up in morning and go back to hospital and I said I was not coming....She just responded ok can you just drive by my house to check on it?I did not answer and I feel she hurt me so many times and NEVER apologize....What do I do?How do I handle this?I am truly hurt and never want to be her friend again.

I need some advice.sorry if messy...Im half awake.


I got angry because I apologized for my behavior etc right away after I got diagnosis.And she threw it back in my face Thursday....and really hurt me.I think this friendship is WAY OVER!

I know how you feel, sweetie -- I really do. But a 20 year friendship is too precious to throw away!

There is a saying that goes like this: "Resentment is the poison I take to kill you." And it's true. When you carry resentment and hate around like this, all you do is hurt YOURSELF -- you don't hurt the person you're resenting. You eat yourself inside out. It's like cancer.

Yes, what she did was crummy. But some people are more selfish than others and they just don't KNOW it. She didn't know she was hurting you and she STILL doesn't. I suppose that BECAUSE you've been friends so long, she expects you to do all these things for her, and that's where she's wrong!!! You should never expect or assume ANYONE will do ANYTHING for you, without your asking -- and even then you shouldn't ask them to go out of their way for anything!!!

I don't know if you want to forgive her or not, but as I said -- to throw away a 20 year friendship is a tragedy. Friends are very HARD to come by, especially friends that you can trust. Perhaps the two of you could sit down and have a long talk, and work this out. Have a heart-to-heart conversation, and let her know how this all hurt you -- and see what she says. If then she apologizes, perhaps you can forgive her. If she gets MAD, then perhaps the friendship isn't worth it afterall.

I wish you the very best. But please give this a chance, and don't carry this hate around. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

A person does not have to fill every need to be your friend. Some people are very good at handling problems and listening and providing emotional support. Some are not. Everyone has their own problems and trials. We do not know what is going on with them and cannot judge their actions because we do not know. People can only handle so much. They give what they can. Sometimes it is a lot, sometimes it is not. We cannot expect people to act like we act.

While I agree with what's been said by others here in response to your post, there is something that caught my attention. You mentioned that she has a 'shady' tendency to say and do things that are mean and selfish, and treat you bad. Has that been going on throughout your relationship with her? Or is this a new thing? Because if it's been ongoing then it may actually warrant looking into. Yes, you don't want to be putting all your needs onto all your friends - for example, I love my family but I NEVER go to them for emotional support, same as I have certain friends that I do not turn to for validation. But you also want to make sure you are not being mistreated or taken advantage of. Even though the relationship has lasted 20 years, if it's done so because of your silence or because you keep going back for whatever reason, and you've kept questioning why you've done so, then maybe you should consider ending the friendship.
Just my two cents.

I basically saved her life and I forgive her for my inner peace but the friendship has been shady and rocky for at least 10yrs of 20 and I am done with her indefinitely.I say that in a happy outlook.Even if she does come back and apologies and realize I saved her life.I accept but done with her.

I saved her life because the town we live in has 2 hospitals and the one emergency room she went to wanted to do an exploratory surgery on her WHOLE STOMACH!!!She has so much inflammation she would of been dead or bowels would have got severe damaged!!!!She was going to let them till I went to hospital.(I have some medical background so I am knowledgable)

I explained to her that they had no diagnosis for her and basically were going to put her on the table and dissect her like a frog!I explained how it could do a lot of damage or kill her.I got her moved out of that hospital because I talked to the M.D.s and advocated for her.She was sent to the best hospital in the city,nice big luxury room,Speciality M.Ds,talked to the M.D.s everyday,comforted her, and she hurt me and she knew she did!I know this for a fact because I told her....no apologies....instead she get's on Facebook and calls me a fake because I never returned to hospitalShe has tormented me the past 2years of my sickness...she would say things like "she was my only friend" just hateful untrue negative things.

Now who is consuming the hate?I refuse to walk around with hate on my back and I refuse to have a friendship where I am disrespecting and not appreciated!!!I will not let this hate consume me...I already forgave her for my inner peace.But now I am facing what my T told me about a relapse in my recovery!

She has felt the need to contact me in text once a month to "check up on me".Yesterday she did and I was going to remain silent but then I decided to stick up for myself and get this TOXIC NEGATIVE person out of my life. I replied 4hours later saying "I am better than I been in the past 2years". And I appreciate her checking up on me but I have a T that does that every week.Either your with me or your not!

She sends hate mail back saying F me, that's what T's are getting paid for, and have a great life now she can delete me...

I remained silent and did not respond....I started to tear up and then I realized it was a tear of happiness!I laughed as I told my sister about it and I am happy it ended and I realize I had no control of her actions...she has to live with her behavior.

In the last past month's I have realized the toxic people in my life. And wanted to get them out of my life in a nice manor by trying to not argue or say evil hateful things with toxic people I just wanted to fade away without conflict.
I am starting to really get emotionally tough now and laugh when people act like jerks to me because they think they will hurt me.They did not realize how much I have grown threw all the things I been threw in past 2 years. I cannot and will not tolerate any fake friend being disrespectful to me ANYMORE in my life. I am so proud of myself