[morning8glory]

Good morning it is sunny here in my neck of the woods.
Ther e is a big music fest going on in town for 3 days.
My car is in the garage and I have a banger of a headache.
Too much sugar day before that sweet husband brought home sticky buns two days ago and I ate 3 big ones the house is about void of good food since my car has been sitting at a garage and I have been sick.
Funny husband stops at the store for a few things and can only seem to buy one or two things in volume.
We have 4 boxes of orange juice.
I was happy to be out of starch and flour and he noticed we were low a few weeks ago and came home with two 5 pound bags of flour and a box of bisquit mix and 11pints of strawberrys. There would of been 12 but he seen a friend and gave one away.
Meanwhile I am starting to use up the nice packages of country ham that was given to us in December from a business man.
I have one back of chicken and no veggies and frozen strawberrys and 4 eggs left . I just ate 2 eggs. There's a few other things around but my point is and I do not know why I am saying it is that I am eating badly and suffering more for it.
I am really writing to say thank you for the 2 notes I got yesterday about my complaining about my family.
I might of gotten more but it looks like my Yahoo account is no longer free and I can not down load my yahoo notes. I will see what Husband can do with it when he has a few minutes.
I hate him to see that I have written to a group of people I do not know like hanging out your bad under wear.
He was brought up to keep things to your self.
Thats only one reason why I have not seen a therapist and the second reason he is the bread winner of the family and unless he see's a great need for me to pay some one to listen to me complain when I have him to talk with there is no need for me to see a therapist. I do think I would love to talk to one at times. I have lost so called friend ships over telling people my problems with my family because they can not understand how complex they can be and give me jugdemental advise based on things they have no knowledge of and I have trouble taking that.
But what I started to write about if my memory holds up is a letter of sorts that you print up and just fill in the blanks and send one every week to your mother.
I need more Ideas but it can start Hello mom,
I hope you are find, I am good, The weather is nice and that can be changed to rain or snow or what ever the weather is.
My cat is good etc.
Just a very simple letter with nothing real to say in it.
I need more idea's of course.
But it would be a very boring letter to read.
The only problem is my mother thinks every letter deserves a phone call from her and thats what I want to avoid.
If she does not hear from me she calls and if she does hear from me she calls.
I am trying to think of a way to keep in touch with her with out giving her pieces of me she can grind up into hamberger.
My letter are also read and taken by my sisters.
So thats another reason I have to be carefull about what I write.
I know my family my mother my sisters have been very hurt by others but I still can not allow them to continue to hurt me with out any remorse . My mom is never sorry she hurts me and thinks that the next time she calls no matter what she saids she thinks we should go on the next hurtfull conversation.
I am getting off.
I wish my husband would allow me to have our phone number changed.
I can try to continue to use the answer machine to screen calls but that takes pratice and I have friends who will not leave a message.
Every one have a good day. I must take care of my headache.

[curlyq]

Good Morning to you! Read your post and welcome here if I haven't said it yet. I don't know but maybe you can write down a list of things to discuss with your husband if you can't get to a counselor about things. I used to do that. I had a flip top notebook and I'd write out the questions and problems we had and then I'd ask him to sit down and discuss them with me. He would but then would refuse to discuss some of it. But we got some discussed, too.

I, too, have a member in my family who says things that hurt my feelings so I took to letter writing, too. I think it's a good idea and it's still showing communication. At times I did not even want to write or talk to him from the things he'd say to me. With my family member lately I'll rephrase what he says to me that is on the questionable side and put it into a question to him. He was surprised at that. I was smiling and sort of giggling, too. Now usually the things he says have me very upset but I felt a bit better this time. There were a few other comments too about some things that bothered me yet. I'm trying to look at him as not knowing what the heck he is saying as he drinks too much. He never cared to learn much on relationships or communication or anything of that nature either. Very macho man. He also is the kind that doesn't listen to open pleas about how he speaks to me. I know this after many many years. Now, I keep my distance, write letters, call him once in awhile and try telling him what he just said to me in a paraphrase at times, too, now. I think it tells him what he is saying to me. He often says insults or things to aggravate. He's always done that to me to the point where I Used to be in tears. Now I'm not in tears yet it still is distressing. But I keep trying new things to remedy this and keep a good distance too. He doesn't call me like your mom does. We don't have to talk to people when it causes us to feel bad as you know. Sometimes when I got an answering machine message I'd write a note to acknowledge it and sometimes say I haven't felt like speaking to anyone as an excuse. I have, too, though tried to get some points about the communication problems accross at times, too. Like how the things he'd say would hurt my feelings. He'd turn it around on me and say no one else says that. Behind his back they'd all tell me the same kind of things he said. Well, I don't know what else to say but there are many solutions to these things and books in the libraries on communication and self help for relationship problems if you can't see a counselor. Hope you'll keep posting and reading. CQ

<font color=purple>"In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule." Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil</font color=purple>