I'm dating a disgusting pig.

I don't think I need any advice here...I just need to get this off my chest. I've been kicking around the idea of breaking up for a few months, but decided to try and work it our since I am pregnant. HOWEVER...
In the last few weeks I have found out some things I didn't know about.
1) He has a twitter account, on which he is "following" about 5 or 10 porn stars, all of which are blonde and look like they are 16. Since I'm 34 and pale with black hair, I'm not really amused. And the fact that they all look 16 bothers me. Which leads me to...
2) Googling Farah Abrham's sex tape. Okay, at least she's not blonde. It does, however explain why I found 10 episodes of the show "teen mom" saved on my DVR a few months ago. Not porn. The fact that a grown man is watching this bc he thinks some 16 year old ***** is hot is really disturbing. And, yeah...she wasn't 18 when she started that show.
3) Googling pictures of his bosses 32 year old daughter. Also a blonde. Not a very attractive one either. WTF??? Not that a woman of her caliber would EVER want anything to do with my overweight, balding boyfriend...
4) My best friend (whom I met him through) told me a story about how 4 years ago, he had a girlfriend and went out with her and his best friend and his best friends gf. While his best friend was dancing with his gf, he was apparently telling my friend how much he wanted to f**k her, and how his friend didn't deserve to be with her. Then proceeded to try to talk my best friend into staying the might at his house. Pretty shocking info for a guy who claims to be the most faithful guy in the world and talks about how every single one of his ex's cheated on him and screwed him over...
Okay, I'm done now.

I do not know who she is - a reality TV show? A real teen mom? Whatever. I do not have a TV which is why I do not know.

I agree that she is not blonde, but she seems to have large breast implants.

Farrah Abraham | Your go to public figure... The size and shape of her bust are inconsistent both with the showing/protruding ribcage (size) and with her having given birth (shape).

I do not know whether you file peroxide blondes and women with large breast implants together though... just pointing it out. I personally think that finding women with large/disproportionate/preposterous looking implants attractive shows a lack of taste.

On the other hand, since you reported that he does not even touch you at night (didn't he try to physically distance himself from you in bed by moving to his side?), his opinion on blondness and silicone probably does not matter at this point.


And pale skin with dark hair is classy and chic, so there should be no worries on your end.

Oh dear Lord, and you're PREGNANT by this guy? I'm so sorry. You're right, he IS a pig!

I don't think I'd want my child brought up by a guy like this, who has no morals whatsoever. And if you have a boy, he's going to pass this kind of behaviour onto this boy in a heartbeat! He's going to make sure this boy knows that it's perfectly ok to treat women like this. And the child will undoubtedly find some of this awful material around the house, or watch it on the DVD at some time (by accident).

You'd be better off getting away from this guy for your child's sake!! Whether it's a boy or girl, the child doesn't need to see this kind of behaviour or learn it from it's father! And why should YOU put up with this? You deserve MUCH better than this, my friend and you know it!

Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best! God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Thank you
And yes...the physical distance WAS a problem...not so much now. I have a hard time looking at him without acting like I'm completely disgusted (I'm not a good faker).

Thank you
And...it's a girl. I'm sooooo looking forward to my daughter's father trying to hit on her friends when she's 15. He's threated to try to sue me for full custody if I break up with him. I printed all this stuff out on the computer...I'm hoping the judge will feel the same as you about the situation.

Gosh. What a pig indeed. Hope everything turns out ok for you.

Nope, your daughter doesn't need a pig like that around. How disgusting.

I could never ever call my husband a disgusting pig even if he was one. That alone is alarming. You obviously don't love him if you feel that way and it would serve you better and your unborn child to get out of this relationship.

You are absolutely right. I honestly don't think I've ever had so much animosity towards anyone. He's a salesman, and a really good liar. My therapist said she gets the impression that I feel like I was tricked into a relationship with someone I would have never dated had I known who he really was, and then I was trapped there. Which is exactly how a feel.

Courts favor status quo. It is not law but judicial practice which is sort of unspoken of openly but does exist, as has been explained to me by family lawyers.

If you get out before delivering, the status quo, by the time you see a judge, would be that the girl is with you all the time and the bf will be facing an uphill battle. It makes sense to get out now.

When anyone threatens to take your child from you if you don't do as they say, is not going to change when the baby is born. That child will continue to be a pawn until they are of age. Trust me...I live it.

Right. Lea - you need to act. Using the fact of the pregnancy as a reason to postpone action can have long-lasting negative consequences.

LeaJ, I saw your thread yesterday, but didn't hve time to read it.
First of all, I hope you have a means of support, be it independent income, a job, welfare, whatever, so you won't have to depend on financial support from this man. If you do accept any kind of support from him, I would suspect he will feel entitled to his share of time with your child. I agree that any evidence of his perversions will help in negating him from yours and your daughter's lives. That really is your strongest suit against him. If you have such evidence, he may also be reluctant to have it surface in public, considering his job, etc.

I had just posted a thread here in the Relationships forums yesterday about recurring memories I'm having of bad past relationships...all the way back into my college days. I'm 62. Regarding this, in your present situation, and for future reference, it might be a good idea for you to take stock in why and how you became involved with this person and the current entrapment in which you now find yourself. Learn from it, and grow to be a stronger woman and mother, not allowing yourself to be further entrapped by this man ...or any other. I was in a 20 year marriage in which my husband threatened to take our daughter each time I tried to discuss divorce (from the time she was age 2!). I hope for yours and your daughter's sake, you find contentment and freedom!
Patty

Thanks for all the good advice. I agree, the more I think about it, the more I think it would be a good idea to get out before the baby is born, because it's just going to be harder to manage with work and school and finding babysitters/daycare if I get used to having help the first few months. PLUS...that would totally solve the issue about me not wanting him in the delivery room (for obvious reasons, I think). I hadn't thought about it, but it is a good point, if I get rid of him before the baby is born, she will have been with me for probably a few months before we go to court. We have a woman judge in our family court, as well, so I think that will make a difference. He works 60 hrs a week, has stuff on his background check, I have already raised one child...I really doubt ANY judge would grant him full custody. I am not working right now, but I have no financial dependence on him. I am a nurse and saved money so that I wouldn't have to work while I attend grad school. He seems to think that he can use the fact that I don't work against me, I see it the other way...I am financially stable and don't have to work right now unless I want to, which means I have time to spend with my child, whereas he has no choice but to work 60 hours a week. Thanks again for all the advice It really helps to post on here and know that there are people who can be supportive, even if it is just online.

Hi leaJ, i know i'm late in responding to this thread but i agree largely with Sabrina's original response, you are clearly very unhappy with this relationship and now that you are pregnant maybe its best to consider other options so that both you and your child can lead a happier future. You may have to make some difficult decisions but as they say, nothing that is worth having comes easy. Good luck.

Lea: + breastfeeding, if you can and aren't on drugs that are incompatible with breastfeeding.

I have read that courts/judges are currently quite understanding of the mother-baby closeness needs of a breastfed infant. The argument gets harder to make, I have read, as the baby gets older, but for an infant, courts won't order you to do things that do not mesh well with nursing.

I never even thought of that!!! Yes, I am planning on breast feeding, at least as long as I can. My therapist wants me to be on anti-anxiety meds as soon as possible. I won't take benzos anyways because they make me sleep for days at a time; I think some of the other ones are compatible with breast feeding.

Since anti-anxiety meds are usually PRN anyway, I would try on and off of them and see how you feel. The T might not be in the know about breastfeeding enough: the hormones released during breastfeeding have a powerfully calming effect, so you might not need anti-anxiety meds.

That's how you know it's over. That's how I knew it was over with my ex husband. He, too, was a disgusting pig.

I was going to mention breast feeding too. The world health organization recommends breast feeding for two years