He's Back

The one I have broken up with. And I've missed him so much. 3AM text last night, "Can I come over?" I didn't answer. He retracted and said he knew it was not approporiate. This evening he called and asked to come over. My heart beat faster. But I needed to think about it. Logically I thought he was probably coming for sex, so I asked him, was there a specific reason he wanted to come over? He said he just wanted to see me, watch a movie, hang out.
I walked the dog, came home found a text saying some weird stuffabout how I don't have to call him back, if him coming over is something I don't want if I am busy tonight, he didn't mean for it too get all complicated. So I called. No answer. Three hours, no answer. Mind games?
I feel dissapointed and hurt. But I don't want to call back again and be like a groupie. It's very unusual for him not to return calls.
I hate this. I want to move on and I can't. I think of him everyday.

Don't chase him. You left him for a reason. Don't forget the reason you left. If it's not a healthy relationship then you certainly don't need to be in it.

OK. I need to remember because I really forget.
1. He doesn't have time for me.
2. He's an admitted cheater.
3. He's demanding.
4. He's sneaky.
5. He's self-involved.
6. He's unappreciative.
7. He's broke.
8. He's sort of controlling.
9. 53 things he has to do come before me.
10. I'm a little bit afraid of him.
11. He has almost no range of emotion.

Sigh.

Those are all very good reasons to have left him and not take him back or even see him "just to watch a movie".

It's hard to break a bad habit. It's hard to not answer a text or call, no matter how much we know we shouldn't. If he calls or texts you again, put the phone down, walk away and get busy doing something. Oh, and don't forget to turn the ringer off when you put the phone down!

You deserve so much better than that kind of behavior!

All the reasons you listed are exactly why he doesn't deserve you! Remind yourself that you deserve better and never, ever give him a moment of your time ever again!

SideCrow,

Your thread title -
He's Back
makes you sort of powerless. As in "whenever he feels like calling, I am here". At his whim, sort of. As if "always on standby and available for him".

You see what I mean? Do not be on standby!

I am sorry for this bold font - I do not know why.

Drop that zero and find yourself a hero!

3am for movies?! yeah..................................

Then the insecurity in the, well, you don't have to answer, blah blah...

movies, at 3am? Let's 'talk' at 3am?!!

That's booty call hour, hun.

Did you stop having contact with him altogether before you got these texts? It's sounds to me like he is playing head games. My bf (well, ex bf now I guess) does the same thing. He would ignore me, but if I stopped texting him or trying to talk to him, he would text or call or do whatever it took to get me to respond. Even if I was angry when I did, he didn't care. Just couldn't stand the fact that I was okay with not talking to him. It hurts their ego. Once you called him back he got what he wanted. If you think about it you might notice the pattern in your former relationship before you even broke up. I think the best thing you can do is completely ignore him. For me, it makes me feel more empowered. Kinda like..."You have ignored my needs for so long, I really don't care anymore. If we have anything at all left to discuss, we will do it on my time, not yours." And when you give yourself that space, you might realize there is NOTHING you want to discuss with him at all.

that is good.

If it happens again (3AM text last night, "Can I come over?" I didn't answer.), do not respond immediately, but follow up in the morning with:

"I do not do anything on such a short notice and at 3AM. If you have anything to talk about, you need to give me a 48 hour notice to book me in advance (if I have availability; I will let you know if I do not). Also, please no texts between midnight and 8AM"

LeaJ, That is SO true.
Let me clarify something though. The 3AM text was one night [the night I didnt respond.] It was last night that he called early in the evening and wanted to watch a movie. Then he later texted me and said I didnt have to call him back if I was busy. I did call back but got no response until 2AM, which was just a text. I was so disappointed. I wanted to call and say WTF are you doing? Why are you asking to come over and then not answering? But I decided to not respond, like I don't care. I don't want to give him a reaction. But truthfully, I think it was rude and I'm going to need an effing hard yoga session today to knock out my pissed off-ness.

THANK you all for your support! HUGS

But why am I addicted to him?

I think this is a separate issue.

The why thing about your feelings is definitely a valid issue that you will explore. Maybe you will think about it, maybe your yoga sessions will give you some sort of a revelatin about it, maybe time will heal it - we do not know.

There is a separate behavior issue - how you deal with him and his texts. Whether to call back or not to call back, etc. is a behavior issue.

I wish texts were like emails - you can prefilter emails out of your main inbox and not even see them. I do not think that you can do that with texts.

Thank you Hamster. It might just be that I am lonely.
It was so hard not to call him or text today.
But I kept trying to think of my non responsiveness as being in charge. After all, HE was the one who called ME at 3AM. HE was the one one who said wanted to come over the next day and watch a movie. HE was the one who said that he took it as a sign that I didn't want to see him because I dropped off his documents under his door instead of personally delivering them. I returned his call, yes, but I never validated that he could come over.