[January]

I've decided that if she tells me about one more person who is sick and/or dying I'm going to have to tell her I don't want to hear it. She triggered me so badly last night I could feel myself tearing inside. I don't know if that makes sense, but when I'm triggered to the point of way beyond safe, I feel like I'm shifting inside.

She's going to think I don't care about anyone else right now and be highly insulted. I do care, but I'm upset about myself right now and she has added every gory detail she possibly can in telling me all about her and everyone else's experience with this problem or any other health problem she can recall.

Ick.

Jan

[Milanist]

Hi Jan,

You dont know me, yet, but i know what you mean!
i mean my mom was the same when her dad was sick, she neglected us in order to take care of him!

You need to talk to her Jan, not shout or argue but sit down and tell her what you feel inside, and how it is hurting you as well! If you fight or shout, she will take this as an attack and will not take care of anything you have to say, but if you talk to her showing her your hurt she will listen and help i am sure!!

A mother is a mother no matter what she does, and inside she will know what to do! All you need is for her to understand nevermind the rest of the family. She will be your rock!

Its hard to have a mother like that i know, but after we (my, mother and me ) became friends it changed my world! i mean friends are fine and vital in your life, but nothing replaces a mother. Thats y im asking you to try and work it out like civilised people, express yourself clearly but calmly, and it would be your greatest achivement in your life!
Trust me!

I hope everything goes well! If you ever need someone to talk to just pm me! im always available! Take care and get back to me if you want!

[January]

Thank you Milanist.

I am so glad things worked out for you and your Mom. It sounds like you have found the best of all friends in your Mom.

I have talked many, many times with my Mom. She just doesn't get it when it comes to me. Never. I have no intention of yelling at her, though. Yelling does no good. The only thing that does is talking to her and then refusing to listen to what she has to say.

It's nice to meet you. Welcome to PC!

Jan

[Perna]

Surely she runs out of people she knows who are sick and dying? But yes, I'd stop her in her tracks before she gets too far and tell her if she continues you'll have to leave/end the conversation. Some people don't "get it" and have to be "trained" before they know you're serious. You don't have to put up with any conversation from anyone you don't want to, doesn't matter that it's your mom. Good for you taking care of yourself!

[hillbunnyb]

Boundaries,ahhhh, once you start making them it never stops...... Jan, you are in the throws of learning to stand your ground in so many parts of your life right now. "Victim NO more!". It's so touchy when change hits family--especially Moms....... we started dealing with stuff with her, inside her: pretty intimate, eh?

Extra hard to draw "our lines not to be crossed" and hold them. So many reasons to give in and "make life easier", but, then it's only that moment that is greased through with a pass, then its back to square 1 again, trying to reestablish and "really really mean it this time, Mom...".

Breaking old patterns in ourselves forces the breaking of old patterns with those around us. Many times they don't want to change 'cause the old way worked to their advantage....... ya know? It was their way, now it's time for your way and maybe in teh future you can meet in the middle with some kind of balance, mutual respect.

Till then, I'd say it's time for tuff luv. Mom's gotta learn to chill. ))))))) ) )january ((((((((

[January]

(((((((((((((((((( Friends )))))))))))))))))

Thank you one and all. It's tough times for tough love. Ack.

Jan