[mcler663]

Hey guys,

So I was hoping someone could help me out here, I'll keep it short and sweet as possible haha. Lately I've been having unfounded thoughts or concerns about my relationship with my girlfriend. We've been together for about 9 months, and we were very close friends before we transitioned. She had never been in a relationship before, and I realize the whole process for her has been very strange and different. We have a fantastic relationship, we get along great, we spend loads of time together, her friends have adopted me as their own, and I've never been happier.

We're both the same age, 23, and I've been through enough crappy relationships to know when I have something great and someone I love (I'd never been in love up until this relationship). She never shares feelings, and is very bottled emotionally when it comes to this kind of thing, but I know she cares about me, and while she hasn't said it herself, I suspect she also loves me (I told her for the first time about two months ago, and when we spoke about it she wasn't scared or wanting to jump off the boat).

However, recently, I have felt like I'm overally concerned with her leaving me or cheating on me, or just losing interest in me. I have no rhyme or reason for these concerns, I've talked to her about it a few times, and if she had a problem with me, she would tell me. She's starting to get annoyed at me and I don't blame her. She's leaving for Africa for a month next Monday to do volunteer work, and while I couldn't be happier for her, I'm obviously a little bummed she's leaving. However, in my mind she's been acting weird as she has been tying up loose ends and hanging out with her friends and doing all of that before she leaves. Which is so weird. I really don't get why I'm feeling so paranoid over absolutely nothing.

I really feel like my constant worrying and overthinking is going to ruin my life with this girl, and I do not want that at all. I love her and I do not want to lose this girl. I need help, because I can't seem to get rid of all of this myself. I'm going to start doing psycho therapy as my uncle is a psycho therapist and highly recommended I look into it and he gave me a few numbers. But does anyone have any input or advise or doing anything I can do on my ends in the mean time? I'm so sick of being all over the map in my head, I'm sick of feeling like crap, and I would hate myself if my personal junk tore this girl out of my life.

Please help!!

Hmm, not sure why this post fell to the bottom of the pile.

I think you need to try and build a life outside of this person. I actually don't think it's healthy to let relationships define us - i don't think you do have anything to worry about, it takes some time for other's to say they love their partner back. This seems to scare a lot of people but i would rather someone said it to me at the right time then lie and create a false sense of security for me. She's going away for a month so i can understand her wanting to tie up some lose ends and she's right to want to spend as much time with her friends before she leaves. To be honest it just sounds like she's trying to balance everything in her life equally and that can be very hard. As for yourself i simply think you're afraid of yet another crappy relationship and you have every right to be - they're damaging for our self esteem and make us lose faith in the concept of relationships. I think you're doing the right thing by opting for therapy - it shows you're responsible enough not to let this issue cause the break down of a good thing and i think if you stay dedicated to the process things should work out ok. In the meantime focus on you - meet with friends, try and make new ones - simply enjoy spending time on what you love doing. I hope things improve for you and i'm sure everyone here will be around to listen and support you in whatever happens next.

[adj2013]

You have a reason for these thoughts and its called your past relationships. Just don't take it out on her- doing so will only push her into doing it. I have been with my husband 11 years and I still think he cheats even tho he never has- its all in our heads! I never tell him I feel this way cuz deep down I know it's my own issues. Make sure u trust this girl until she gives you a reason not to- trust is everything in a relationship.

[RoseBee]

Oh sweetheart, I am right there with you. I am driving myself crazy in my head right now and I am doing everything in my power to get it to stop.

Spockette is right, you need build a life outside of this girl. When those negative thoughts pop into your head, stop them, put them in a bubble and let them float away then think of all of the wonderful things you have done together and all of the love she shows you. (This "bubble therapy" has done me a world of good these past few weeks.)