Please Comment on this Craigslist Post

What do you think of this? Is this wife crazy or is it love?

*Please Stop Dating My Husband! (Westside)
I am committed to him, he says he is committed to me ~ to my face. What he tells you must be something else. I am not a mean person, I am not a liar or a cheat. If I wanted, I could be with anyone. I am beautiful & kind & he knows I am, as his dad said, "the best thing that ever happened to him". He's not a bad guy, just foolish. But I chose him, I am committed to him. Have been for 18 years. And yet, my husband is weak, confused in his Narcissistic Personality Disorder, ADD, & is OCD. The NPD makes him think that he can leave the other issues untreated & that you, dear lady will be the 'friend' he needs, who will understand. You see, he can hide his illnesses for awhile. It is how he got me to marry him.
So, if you are buying him gifts, receiving flowers from him, remember, he is doing that with me too. He doesn't need you to get him an IPOD, or any help with anything at all. He is not really your friend, even on facebook. You are only a prop to boost his self-esteem. One of many. You will be cast aside without warning. Because he is married. And he always comes home. To me, to our kids. Is being a home wrecker really what you want? Would you want another woman to do that to you? I always think women should have each others backs.
I'm just saying...if he is married & you meet him here, or anywhere... Just Say No.

I think she's in love (which is much akin to craziness as I see it..) and trying to make herself happier in her relationship that she's worked on for years. She's a much better woman than I am. I would have dumped him years ago.

She is crazy in that she does not have a logical mind - she contradicts herself. She writes that he always comes home. OK, so it means that all of his current and previous affairs have not been able to wreck his home - he still always comes home.

But if that is the case, then the anonymous women this wife addresses in her post are NOT home wreckers. She just said that he always comes home - she said it herself.

PS

That said, to the extent that she wants to protect those anonymous women from being disappointed when they get cast aside, she is doing a public service, and should be commended for that public service.

Guys, try to read this in a calm voice and don't assume she's over possessive, crazy, or spiteful. It could be a sincere statement, a caveat to other women. I really think she is taking commitment seriously, because she never said she loved him (just chose him) and he obviously deserves to get his arse dumped if he's hitting up with other girls. That might be the only crazy thing bout her.

Sure is funny though!

^ That. LOL

Also, about the "home wrecker" inconsistency -- I think she is universally referring to women being in the position of potentially wrecking a family (any family) even though hers has remained intact. It's really a very good point -- when you are dating a married individuals, you are playing a role that is abhorrent to others. (sorry to people here who have done/are doing this!! But you guys especially would recognize what a disrespected position that is to be in.)

As far as letters from wives to the Other Woman, I've seen better worded ones, on-line.

It's a triangulated relationship. So, she's committed to him, or is she committed to the lifestyle? She could just with this proof of an affair, divorce him, take him to the cleaners with the proof and call it quits.

Some people love those big flashy diamond rings that they wear.

. You see, married men who look outside the marriage, they are afraid of conflict, who wants that!?

She sure has more patience than I do. I would drop that zero & expect better for myself & my kids! Trust is important to me.

I wonder... I wonder if life would get better if married women with big flashy diamond rings decide that they can continue to wear such rings post divorce... you know, as a symbol of PAST status... and then maybe they will make choices that are better for themselves...

?

just an idea

Wear the ring on another hand? Or trade it is for something else flashy and non-marital?

Your question is; love or crazy? I would say she may be a combo of both. To allow him to have numerous affairs would make her not only crazy but somewhat desperate I would think. I can see restoration on the first offense but multiple affairs isn't commitment but a disorder on it's own. I know from experience, both good and bad that if people allow themselves to be mistreated, deep within lies and serious issue of insecurities.....Sad we live this way :-(

The other hand idea - I think it actually used to be the tradition. When divorces were few and far between, women used to wear the ring on the other hand.

I am thinking of perhaps converting the ring into one big pendant. Then it is no longer a ring, right? So, non-marital, as you say, but still flashy. Yes to flashy, but no to marital. How about that?

After all, that is one asset a woman does get to keep, after all

If it's big enough, maybe a down payment on a new home! One without the guy 'coming home to her', scented by another....just sayin'

I think this is largely accurate.

The thing that jumped out at me is her bringing up his NPD & that being reason for not getting treated for ADD/OCD. She sees him as sick, & maybe using that as his reason for doing what he does. There must be a redeeming quality in there?Right? Maybe money, or the really big ring. That sounds so shallow.
It is a service announcement though, sort of saying anyone he is with is a temporary ego boost that will be tossed out when he's done.
Sounds like a guy without his head screwed on to me. And she wants no one to see him so he will settle down.
Maybe she can stay, even with the randy behavior ...

OK, I am ready to explain what is generally wrong with her post.

So I just spent some time with my current partner (in an open relationship) and he told me that a while ago he had an internet dating profile and he was intentionally looking for married women.

His reason - he did not want to face a "surprise pregnancy" by a woman who would engage in unfair tactics in making him marry her. Something like this happened in the past, so he wanted to be protected. Eventually, though, he met a woman who was not married but was on AD's and not wanting to get pregnant because of AD's being teratogenic. That was good enough for him; he had a fairly long-term r/s with her which lasted until she met somebody who wanted her to move in with her. My current partner, when he was her boyfriend, did not want her to move in. She told him that she loved him, but was unhappy that he would not move in with her, and moved in with another guy as soon as she found somebody who wanted to move in with her, and my current partner was upset because she used to tell him that she loved him, so, in his mind, "how come she quit so easily if she loved me?"

To which I tell him - she did love you, I am sure, but she loved the idea of moving in with a boyfriend MORE than she loved you. She still loved you, but she loved the idea even more. He seems to be happy with this approach of mine.

Anyway, his initial desire to have a relationship with a married woman who would have him on the side was motivated by a very specific need to make triple sure that he would not have more children (he has 4 and he really cannot afford more). Condoms alone are not foolproof - he also needed the woman herself to be motivated to avoid conception.

So here is one usecase.

There might be a myriad other usecases.

A woman may want to date a married man because she wants a part-time relationship with no strings attached. Or, because she is unsure of what to do in the long run, and does not want a relationship that can gets serious enough soon enough until she figures things out. Or, for many other reasons.

The mistake made by the woman who posted on Craigslist is that she assumed that every other woman on earth is like her in that she would want to be married to that precious specimen that is her husband. Not true. Very much not true. Not every woman wants to be married to her precious husband - most do not.

PS

But still, she is doing a public service with this ad as long as at least a few of the women he has affairs with do want to marry him. So she should still be commended for that.

That makes perfect sense. She should move on,(my opinion) as she clearly wants a faithful to her partner.

YES! Indeed. She should move on. She should not appeal to other women asking them to stop dating her husband. If she wants to have a faithful partner, she should get one. One does not get a faithful partner by asking other women to reject one's husband's advances, because!!!! this would not make the husband faithful. This will only make him somebody who does not have other options because his wife persuaded all the other women to reject him. So he will be exclusive due to lack of other options. Being exclusive due to lack of other options is NOT faithful. It is being exclusive due to lack of other options, and nothing beyond that. I do not know what kind of fun it would be to have a husband who is exclusive due to lack of other options. I just do not comprehend it.