[Monsterfox]

.... Well I'm 15 and already going to highschool and I just feel sad to know that I've never had a friend, ever, literally zero. Its okay now I'm used to it but I feel so lonely sometimes. I guess I just have something odd about me that people don't like? Maybe it's my pale skin, maybe it's my face or height? I look pretty normal no odd hair or any of that stuff. And I'm smart with great grades like most people in the advanced class I'm in.

Um, this is pretty long you don't have to read it the title pretty much gives it away.

I don't know, what's wrong with me. I'm always that kid sitting at the desk with empty desks next to her or around her in about almost every class. Or being cut in line so I end up always in the back no matter how hard I try. Yes I have been bullied multiple times and it hurts and still hurts so bad guess being lonely has made a lovely target.I never did anything bad to no one. It hurts when you got kicked out of an assigned group for no specific reason and the person tells you "don't tell the teachers though but just go somewhere else". Or having something you worked on for so long at 3:am and to have it torn and laughed at. It probably looks like I don't try or care but I do and beat myself over it. I sometimes try not to care and put up a fake smile but it later tears me later when I see people interacting with their friends or texting them on their phones and having fun. I just can't believe I never had a friend. It sounds odd. Makes me kinda feel worthless... And I often have harmed, but I don't do it anymore though. (Personal reason)

If you're reading this you're going "ugh another attention seeker on this forum" well then you're possibly right since I'm very lonely and downright depressed.

How do you guys make friends? Is it really that fun or worthwhile, I've never had any I'm serious I don't know

Sorry for the terrifying long post, just wanted to sorta vent what I had inside all these years.

Thank you.

[hamster-bamster]

It is not a long post, but it is terrifying to read how you describe loneliness.

[Jannaku]

So sorry to hear about how lonely you feel. Making friends is hard for some people. It's not just all about how you look or what you say, there is a whole heap of non-verbal communication going on that sends out signals. Try being conscious of these sorts of things because without you even realizing it you may be sending out signals that are preventing you forming friendships. Could be something as simple as not appearing interested in what someone has to say by looking elsewhere or something like that. It would be worthwhile reading up about body language just to see if there is some gestures or techniques you can use to encourage and foster friendship. Also if your feeling low/depressed, perhaps this demeanor is coming across to other people and they are picking up that you are glum or whatever. Anyway these are just suggestions and possibilities. I can't see what other reasons there could be that prevent you from bonding with people. Also remember that you will have to be somewhat proactive in forming these friendships and may need to take the first step in initiating things. All the best.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Monsterfox

If you're reading this you're going "ugh another attention seeker on this forum" well then you're possibly right since I'm very lonely and downright depressed.

How do you guys make friends? Is it really that fun or worthwhile, I've never had any I'm serious I don't know
.

Stay around, see if there are chat rooms for teens - perhaps you will make a couple of friends on here, and it would be a good start. People bond online as well, and the bonding is real. Sure, online you cannot transmit non-verbal signals and we do not see your facial expression or perceive your scent, but we still see that you write well, that you care about your relationships with people, and, in general, come across as a really nice person - somebody would find your pen company worthwhile, I am sure.

[mojo321]

I was like that a bit in gradeschool. If I could go back and do things differently, I would. Here's how my mind differs now than when I was a kid that was on the "outside". (I'm not like that anymore, and although I don't have a huge group of friends, I do have a core group of 3, including me, and we don't hurt each other, ever.)

1. I would no longer care about being friends with the people that everyone wants to be friends with just because everyone wants to be friends with them. A.K.A - the popular group. Why would I want to be included in a group that treats people like that? When you all grow up, some of those people will be stuck like that! Horrifying for them (and us)! Some of those people will look back and say to themselves, "oh, how mean I was. Regret."

2. I would rescue more people from similar wrongs that are done to them. I can guarantee that you are not the ONLY person getting this treatment. Your task is to open your eyes and ears to see who ELSE is being treated this way, and then say to the meanies, "wow, you are really being mean to her. She didn't deserve that."

Oh, sure, you will take a bunch of abuse from the populars, but who cares? See #1. The cool thing is, you get to be the hero. And when you are the hero, people like you. You can even be a hero to a popular. It is pretty common for a popular to poke a jab and a fellow popular. You can say something like, "well that was rude!" Then turn to the victim and say "I think it's a pretty dress", or whatever they were getting poked for. Fun stuff.

The point is, you don't want friends just for the sake of having friends. You want FRIENDS. Those popular people aren't friends. It may take you a little while to find people that think like you do, but how will THEY find YOU if you don't put yourself out there?

There may be several people in the class that think the way your are being treated is unjust. But they don't say anything, for the same reason you don't say anything. Nobody wants to be shunned by the ones with power. But their power only comes from you caring what they think!

The best day of my social life was in highschool one day when at the very beginning of class as everyone was quieting down, I turned to the bully that had been tormenting me and gave him a 2 minute speech in front of everyone and the teacher too, about how unjust it was. I didn't cry, I just laid it all out there like a lawyer on behalf of my client, me. At the end, he was guilty. Everyone knew it. The teacher sent us both to the principal. He apologized in private and that was the end of it all. I think he grew as a person that day, too. I had a few friends at the time and we all got more outgoing from that day. As long as we stay kind and just, nothing can touch us!

Now, you have to be careful with this, because too much of it will make you hated. Sometimes, they need a dose of reality. But too much is a bad thing. The rest of the time, always smile. And don't look away from eye contact.

[bear99]

Hey there,

I was in your position when I was in high school too. Actually, I think I was pretty much your exact age as well. I remember coming home in tears to my dad one day because I didn't have any friends. I was bullied too.

My advice is to stick it out. It sounds like useless advice but it gets better. I promise. High school may seem like your whole world forever and ever but it will eventually end. Again, this will sound a bit cliche but in all seriousness, you'll look back on this period of your life and realize that high school was just....high school. Nothing more.

Another piece of advice is to identify what makes you happy, whether its an activity, person, job, whatever. Do you have any hobbies? Do you play an instrument? Do you enjoy any type of sport (could be anything from chess to soccer!)? Invest your time doing the things you love and you will eventually find someone who enjoys the same things and then...bingo! A friend!

That's how I found my first real "friends" in high school. After my break down I made an effort and went over to a family friend's house. Our parents were good friends, and she was a social butterfly, her house was always the "spot" to go to for a few classmates I knew. I was lucky enough to be invited over one Friday night to "hang out." Sidenote - I was really into video cameras/photography at that point in my life, I was always making short little videos with a cheap camera my parents bought me. Turns out, my classmates at this family friend's house were into the same thing. And I never even knew it until I worked up the courage to go over there! We spent the next few house making a spoof on MTV's the "Real World" and from then on, I am still friends with those people until this day (I'm in my mid-20's now).

Hope this helps, happy to talk more if you need!