Body size and shape matters?!

I'll just try and cover a few points, but I'm gonna be lazy and not quote each of you.

As far as me using the term "these people" or "those people"...

I spent quite a few messages in the beginnings of this thread trying to get someone to at least acknowledge that some people truly are stuck up elitists. I feel like I did get that acknowledgement. Albeit, the majority of the population is not like that.

Nonetheless, at post #33 & #38, I felt like I did get some acknowledgement. So from that point forward, I use terms like "these people" or "those people" as a way of avoiding having to type the entire post #33 again and again. It wasn't derogatory. It is simply the logistics of trying to keep the thread on track. #33 focused in on a certain type of person and group. Such people DO exist. And they are on the rise:

‘Betches’ dish on why people should wait on them - TODAY.com

These girls go into some detail on how it is good and right to judge a person by their looks and their money. They go on to say how everyone does it, they just don't talk about it.

So, anyway, from that point forward, I guess I have been focusing in on them. And perhaps my church has a lot of this, unfortunately.

Meanwhile, you all want to drive it in my head that I am not being fair to them, and that I should look at myself.

Look, I agree that this is the LEAST of the problems that people have to encounter. And I am not trying to make it out to be.

I think this thread has gotten out of control because we are debating different subsets of the population.

I am talking about a specific type of person, a type that we all know exists. But you all are telling me that I shouldn't assume them to BE that specific type of person before I truly get to know them.

Fine, but how can I truly get to know them when they shut me out because they ARE that type of person! Am I not allowed to call a spade a spade when the spade won't let me get to know them because that is the nature of a spade?

Just for the record, I do have friends, and a few very good friends. I know there is nothing defective about me. But it does hurt when some people don't give you a chance. You are left wondering why. Sometimes it hits like a train. And I'm like, wow, that guy didn't want to even give me a hint that he is open to being friends. And all I can ever come up with is they are judging me by my appearance. But there really isn't anything wrong with my appearance. So I don't know, I guess I end up at my size.

SO when someone acts like that, the message is, "you aren't good enough for my life."

We all pick and choose who we allow into our lives. Right? If you are happy, you don't necessarily want to upset the apple cart with some "new guy" stopping by the house, or wanting to go play pool, or get a beer all the time. So you guard what you already have in place. You limit the quantity of "membership cards" to your life that are out in circulation. And everyone has an unwritten guidebook in their subconscious that tells them "yes, No, or maybe" whenever they meet someone new. That subconscious judgment is sadly based on very little information. Looks, money, and a brief conversation, perhaps body language, and who knows what else. For some people, the criteria for membership is very exclusively based on looks. For others, it is more weighted on how much charity work they participate in. For others, it is how old they are. Or the color of their skin. Or their education. But you can't deny that everyone does it, at SOME level.

The point is, I feel like my church has a large number of elitists. I feel like my education and my salary has put me in a place in life where I don't fit in. My wife and I were excited when I graduated college so many years ago and were able to move into a better neighborhood, which brought with it a new church. But we never really thought about how we would mesh with this "overspending" subset of culture.

Perhaps it is all in my head. Perhaps I truly just don't belong here. Maybe it isn't their fault, or my fault. We just don't mesh. They know it and I know it.

My problem is, how did they arrive at this conclusion? I don't feel like I shut THEM out. If I have, then like I said, I am going to really examine myself and how I interact. But it isn't all just me. Isn't that fair enough?

It does not sound like this church with over spenders is a nice environment for you. It might be much simpler to just disengage from the church and find a new social group. You might spend years analyzing the members of this church, examining yourself, and looking at your interactions without those people.

Might be easier to find a better church, or, a better non-religious social group.

Yes, it does hurt when some people don't give you chance. However you can't force or make someone to hang out with you. I'm sure your a nice guy but if they don't want to include you in anything, then it's their lost. You have to move on and be grateful for the friends that you have now. I'm not sure if you are seeing a therapist, but these issues should be discussed with a therapist. I really sense self esteem issues.

Also, it's not a good idea to make assumptions. I know when I make assumptions, it drives me nuts. It brings a lot unwanted stress and anxiety. Through therapy I learned I learned it was all in my head and those assumptions weren't true.

Best of Luck.